Growing Frustration

I don't know if it's my weight loss or my age, but I have come to realize over the past 3 years or so, I feel much less tolerant.  And that makes for some internal conflict that I don't always know how to deal with.

I'm speaking only for myself, but I believe I'm not so unique that what I'm going to share doesn't apply to a whole mess of us 'former fatties'.  We spent so much time doing, being, accepting everything anyone wanted from us JUST because we felt we had to in order to be accepted.  To HAVE friends, and lovers, and anyone else we wanted in our lives.  I would still drop just about anything to be there for a friend, but I have come to realize that not everyone I thought was a friend felt the same about me.  People have turned their backs to me now that I'm not ginormous. WTF?  Even my spouse took me so much for granted, that he can't quite deal with the independent, self-affirming actions I have taken since I started feeling more worthy!

I deeply appreciate the friends I've had through thick AND thin.  I mourn the loss of people who haven't been able to accept this new me, and have been saddened by people I felt I needed to let go of to preserve my own mental health.  I just can not continue to put myself out there for those who don't appreciate me for ME.

Does that even make sense?

You betcha baby cakes........... It is amazing how much a person changes, what you see now and what you were then.  People have a hard time accepting the new us, and if they were a real friend they would still be your friend today. 

I love ya Darla Lou and I am always here for ya.........

I love you too, Marsha Marsha Marsha  

Darla:  I know it's hard to come to this realization, but the fact is, it is evidence of the much stronger YOU that is being revealed.  You are no longer willing to just "take it"--you are recognizing the value you have in the world and expecting others to recognize and respect it as well.  GOOD FOR YOU! 

People who can't accept your more assertive self now, were really not accepting you before.  They didn't see and respect the real you.  Now you are expecting people to respect you and you should! 

I'm very proud of you and your newfound strength!  You go, girl!

Thank you, and I really appreciate your kind words.

I think my struggle is mostly because I'm not always sure HOW to be a more assertive person, or know when and how to 'choose my battles'.  To have spent the first 45 years of my life as a doormat, more or less BY CHOICE, has made it rather uncomfortable for me to want, much less insist on, anything different.

Oye...  For the most part, I'm fine.  It's the old tapes that mess me up.

 Oh most definitely. During the process of weight loss I continued to let people use me and do as they please and constantly convinced myself "they were good people." But then I learned, from a few good friends, that you have to take people at face value and STOP justifying their behavior. It really helped me say goodbye to people that were not making my life any better.