Finding a Positive Self-Image

Finding a Positive Self-Image

 

Social biases against those who are obese, a history of just accepting whatever treatment we get from others, the vicissitudes of life and a myriad of other reasons seem to collectively cause so many of us who have had weight loss surgery to cling fiercely to a decidedly dim view of ourselves for years afterwards.  I will admit that I have become a master at keeping a complete and current inventory of my perceived shortcomings while overlooking most of my attributes on the positive side of the ledger.  How is it that I can see so many great things in other people who are on this journey and not be able to see myself in a more positive light?  As I approach the third anniversary of my surgery, it has occurred to me that I need to first choose to see more good things in myself rather than always conducting a rigorous inspection of my faults.

 

However, it is obviously difficult to develop a habit of regularly reminding yourself of your own strengths and positive value after decades of self-recrimination.  Nevertheless, I have come to think of this new endeavor as choosing to look at myself in the face rather than always straining to look at myself in the arse.  The view is presumably better and should take less effort to accomplish, or at least I hope so.  If you, too, are struggling with finding and maintaining a positive self-image, I encourage you to make that conscious choice to assess the good and beauty in yourself first.

 

RP

RP,
It seems evident to me that #1: you are an intelligent, educated man and #2 you're a sweetheart!

The self-recrimination [or being my own worst enemy] for me is not just from being obese...I grew up in a critical, judgemental family where I never felt like I was good enough...I felt I always had to prove myself. I comforted myself through food, especially sugar. There is also that feeling that I'm not worthy....not worthy to stand up for myself, not worthy to have a positive view of myself, not worthy to have healthy relationships. Like you said, we accept mistreatment.

5 years ago I 'woke' up, and even though I was still obese then, I began changing the way I think about myself. It is a long struggle to approve of one's self, to see myself as worthy to be loved, [by myself as well as others] to be worthy of healthy relationships, to be worthy not to just 'settle' for what's happening in my life, and to believe that I am an intelligent and beautiful person just as I am. [still recognizing my character flaws in a positive light, of course!]

The Bible says:
"I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life." Deuteronomy 30:19 

The Lord has given us Life. An abundant Life. Let us all live our Life fully, accepting and loving ourselves as we are. It is a process...it is a journey. God bless us all who struggle with our self image and are traveling on a road to become healthier, emotionally and physically.

Love you all....

Bulldog/Leda:

Thank you for your kind words.  I just wanted to say how much I admire your courage and determination to find something of substance and value in yourself.  You are worth it!

RP

Thank you, Bulldog! That was exactly what I NEEDED to hear(umm, read?****ep thinking I should look better in the mirror after 30 pounds is gone (exactly 1/2 of what I need to lose)..but, I still am not happy. I love shopping for smaller clothes and for the first time, having to go back to the rack for something SMALLER, but still..all I see is the "fat me" staring at me in the mirror. I really am happy with my progress thus far, but..
Is this normal? Will it pass?

 Kim:  that perception of yourself is VERY normal.  I have lost over 135 lbs, and I still feel like the fat girl in the group.  I still find myself leaving lots of room or going around rather than between things where I could now fit--I have no idea where my boundaries are.  I have been known to walk past a mirror and not recognize myself!!  My daughter laughs at me, and it is funny.  

We have spent so many years being the fat person that we identify ourselves that way.  It will take some time to retrain your brain, but I think RP's right on the money.  Dwell on the good stuff about yourself, whether it's your new weight or other qualities you always had.  Eventually the "fat girl" perception should fade away.  Remember--we had stomach surgery, not brain surgery.  Fighting our brains is a constant battle!

Kim:

I posted the following when I was a bit more than a year out from surgery.  Your experience is normal if quite disconcerting. Hang in there!!

RP

The Fat Man Is Chasing Me…

 

The fat man is chasing me.  I wish that was as funny as it sounds.  Some days I see him staring back at me in the mirror. His eyes are my eyes, reflecting some of that old, unwelcome self-doubt.  I don’t see or feel him so much in my body any more now that I am 16 months out from surgery and down 150 pounds.  I rarely feel ponderous or strain to catch my breath like I used to, but there are days when I feel his grasp pulling me back toward old habits, toward failure and despair.  Cursing his presence does no good (I have tried doing so) and in some ways it is a blessing, a reminder that I can never relent, that I have to be vigilant about taking care of myself physically and emotionally, that I have to get back up when I stumble, that I must be willing to seek out support when I need it, and that I simply can’t give up on myself.  I know that I can outrun him, on my feet, in my head and in my heart.  I just have to be reminded from time to time that he is there somewhere behind me, willing for me to become him again, but only if I get lazy or depressed and let him.

 

RP

Thank you so much, RP. I really appreciated reading this. I start the WLS support group this evening , so I will probably hear similar stories to my own, I like forums like this where we can share similar experiences and learn from those who have had surgery longer ago and have gone through similar things.

RP,

Can you do me a favor?

Go to the sbaawls board....Look at the video blog update post by John Brenizer, I'm very worried about him....He posted that video and I'm terribly worried....Thaought you maybe able to help him. He's Bi-Polar, and really struggling....His you tube video makes me very worried...

Thank, Kelly

Kelly:

I agree with your concern about him and I have sent him a PM offering support.  I will wait and see if he responds.

Rick

RP,

Thank you so much....The gal ThatAnn reported him to OH admin......I hope he gets the help he needs....Watching the video I thought I was going to witness a suicide....I was so scared.....I got in touch with a few other people also and they posted on his thread....I had to leave for an appt. so there was nothing I could do....I was going nuts, not knowing....

Thanks again, Kelly