Shame and Desperation

Shame and Desperation

 

Shame and desperation are an ugly combination of feelings that sometimes visit me when I am depressed.  Shame comes from still being unable to effectively thwart depression or the negative impact being in that state has on the people around me. At some point that shame makes me begin to feel truly desperate for a small kindness, an expression of caring, a reassuring touch, a call, or anything to let me know I matter to someone.  Very recently I found myself cycling down, withdrawing from people, retreating into near-isolation as I became overwhelmed with self-critical thoughts.  Usually I am able to recognize and respond to such feelings by reaching out to others for support, but in this case I failed to do so.  People repeatedly reached out to me, tried to engage me in conversation, and told me they cared.  I was outwardly unresponsive to all of it and my thoughts became darker and more self-destructive.  Somehow, though, the fact that people didn’t give up on me and kept trying to get through the emotional walls I had constructed around myself eventually began to sink in.  After a few days the darkness and depression lifted and I felt well enough to function again.  God bless the people who care about me even when I stop caring about myself.

 

Unfortunately, depression is a part of the weight loss surgery journey for many people.  The reasons for it may vary, but the experience itself is all too common.  Shame and emotional desperation are feelings powerful enough to completely overwhelm someone, especially if they can no longer smother those feelings with food.  Yet there is even more power in human compassion, the willingness to reach out to another person who may be secretly struggling to find a reason to continue living.  No matter how humble a person you may consider yourself to be, you have that power should you choose to wield it.  Reaching out to someone who seems to be isolating themselves or who is exhibiting self-destructive behavior may not win you public accolades, wealth, power, or the extravagant possessions that many seem to worship these days, but it will earn you the heart-felt gratitude of those souls you help to lift gently to a safer place on this road to wellness.

 

RP

I understand more then you know RP.

One day at a time is sometimes the best we can do!!

Hugs....connie d

Me 3.....I hear ya on all aspects...I too have been going through a rough patch.....April 2009 was a hard time for me, and for some reason I feel I'm back there again....I just live life day to day.....Hang in there.....Reach out to friends even if you don't want to.....I have and it helps, although it is very hard and I feel awkward afterwards, but it's for the best....

Me 4!  I totally agree, but often times it's easy for me to tell others to seek help, but awfully hard for me to do it for myself.  This post is exactly what I've been going thru since last May.  And I still think that I'm having issues getting out.  I find myself retreating into isolation anytime my kids are gone at their dad's esp.  I need to work on that.

Thanks RP!

 So why are we more able to help others than help ourselves. We all understand others can make mistakes and we in love are able to love throught that, but when it comes to ourselves, Why the loathing bitterness and hate? Why IS IT sometimes most difficult to forgive our oun shortcomings?

Paul,
I think the reason we find it easier to support and understand others is because for a lot of people we love them more than we love ourselves.  We "know" all of our shortcomings, we don't always know the person we are supporting.

Sam

 Paul is right--it is so much easier to help someone else than to forgive and support ourselves.   It's a struggle for so many of us.

RP, hang in there and know that so many people love and appreciate you!!  Your wisdom and willingness to share with others is more important even than you know.  

RP-
Thank you so much for posting this!  I too have been pulling into myself and have been struggling.  I have sought out medical help so I'm dealing with it, but man is it hard.  Much more of a struggle than I thought it would be.

Sam

RP,

For me, and I'm sure this might  be true for others, when feeling so low, I don't feet worthy  enough to try to reach out to others and ask for help. I reach out in cryptic ways, w/o truly asking  for help.

Depression is often a chemical imbalance...I've been on antidepressants for years and hope to someday taper off. You are blessed to have people around you who care intensely. And that includes everyone on these Boards, too.

If depression is often chemical, allow that knowledge to replace feelings of shame. Sometimes 'we' can't do anything to alleviate a chemical imbalance.

How fragile the human psyche...how I pray we can all become 'bulldogs' and hang on to what we know is right and good for us...including asking for help.

God bless you and all of us as we continue on our journey.

Bulldog AKA Leda