Putting On the Happy Face

Putting On the Happy Face

 

There are cir****tances in life where you can reasonably choose to mask your emotions in order to allow those who are important to you, like your kids, enjoy life for just another day, if that is at all possible.  It seems to me that such actions are born out of love and how could that be wrong?  However, putting on that happy face for nearly every occasion isn’t likely to be born out of such love for others, but rather it can be a means to hide one’s low self-esteem. I suspect that more than a few of you have done that; I certainly did.  Growing up as a fat kid I mastered the art of putting on the happy face so that no one would realize when I was feeling hurt or upset or when I was in a bad mood or even when I was depressed for fear that others would find me intolerable and turn away from me.  I know now that those fears weren’t rational, that they were the result of my efforts to hide my low self-esteem, yet they persisted far into my adult life.  At some point after weight loss surgery I decided that I had to find a way to accept myself as I am, to stop using the happy face so often, and just be myself, whatever that was. 

 

That is much easier thought than done, of course.  Nevertheless, I forged ahead, allowing more of my true emotions be seen by others.  I had believed my efforts in that regard would mostly be internal in terms of working to build my self-confidence and to re-program my inner dialogue in a more positive way.  It turns out that things are a wee bit more complicated than that.  You see, dropping the happy face that those who know you best have seen for so long causes them to be concerned for your mental health, to wonder if they were the cause of your apparent upset, or, sometimes, to turn away from you because suddenly their relationship with you requires more effort on their part.  Dealing with those responses to dropping your happy face can be emotionally exhausting and you begin to wonder if it is all worth it, especially when your toehold on self-respect feels so tenuous.  The thing is that putting on the happy face takes its toll, too, in that it doesn’t help you believe any more in yourself or to face the causes of your low self-esteem.  Yes, I sometimes have found myself resorting to the happy face when I know it isn’t good for me and I stumble back into old emotional eating patterns for a little while.  Unlike the past, though, I don’t stay there.  Instead, I look to the hope and promise of living as my true self, no longer hiding in fear and shame behind the happy face.

 

RP

 

YOU ARE AWESOME! I have always fought the same issues along with 'being on' all the time when with people for the same reasons you listed above.

i began dealing with this after my divorce 5 years ago. I'm a lot stronger now, and yes, fall into bad habits occassionally, but, like you, I don't stay in that place. 
Having already begun dealing with these issues several years before my RNY, I'm doing pretty well emotionally. Still have doubts and fears, but don't have the need to put on a happy face all the time.

Blessings to you as discover the depth of your true self.

Leda
RNY 12/9/10

As you find yourself dropping the mask, and people around you running in the other direction...ask yourself WHY they wont put a bit more effort into the relationship.  I find that the people who are truly there for me WILL add that extra effort in the relationship to keep it strong and those who wont likely dont have my interests at heart anyways. 

Good Luck RP...you are a blessing here!