Jabberwocky (longish)

Jabberwocky

 

Jabberwocky is the name of a poem by Lewis Carroll (of Alice in Wonderland fame) and the title of a movie derived from the poem starring Michael Palin (from Monty Python).  The apparently evil creature, Jabberwock, is a central figure in both pieces of work.  Much of the poem is gibberish and wholly illogical, yet there are days like today when the cir****tances in my own life make about as much sense.  Thoughts and ideas tumble through my head so fast that eventually it becomes like being engulfed in a loud, annoying swarm of bees…. although I have never resorted to swatting at my head to rid myself of them.   

 

In the past when I had such an experience, I would eat and eat and eat until all I could feel was the physical sensation of being overly full.  It grounded me, that feeling of fullness, which was a relief and usually brought me back to a more rational state of mind.  Unfortunately, though, I would eventually start having depressing thoughts about overeating when I was already overweight, then I would eat to comfort myself against those depressing thoughts.  I wound up weighing 380 pounds and wondering if the physical result of my emotional eating was going to be the defining fact in my life, however short that might be.   

 

Over a period of several years I worked very hard to better manage my depression issues and then sought out weight loss surgery.  The healthy habits one embraces before and after surgery allowed me to lose the excess weight.  Exercise replaced overeating in response to my mood swings.  Even with exercise and ongoing counseling, though, losing weight was, at best, only half the battle to become a healthier person.  I had to face the sense of shame I felt regarding my mood swings and oversensitivity, I had to accept who I am, I had to be willing to seek support when I was struggling and I had to face other forms of treatment if all those things weren’t enough.

 

Well, more than 2 years after surgery and despite my present state of mind, I feel less lost and more hopeful than I have been in decades.  I haven’t slain my own personal Jabberwock, but I am pretty sure I now know how to keep that miserable ******* at bay.

 

RP

RP....you have done an awesome job....keep working on slaining that Jabberwock....LOL

Hugs...connie d

 You are doing great. We all have a self-destructive side, just most keep it as well hidden as possible.

 I have heard that it isn't what is said, but it is our reaction to it. I am trying to believe and embrace that concept.

I like you posts very much.  You have done a great job Rick.  Thanks for sharing.

I look for your post every time I'm on here and I have read every single perfectly picked word that you write. I smile and look forward to start reading every time you write (longish).

Have you ever thought of taking your posts and write a book?

Thank you for putting your thoughts into words and sharing them with so many of us that know exactly what you are talking about, but do not find the words to describe it like you do.

Congratulations on your winning battle...keep fighting.