Moody *******
Moody *******
You may have noticed that my posts here are sporadic. There is a reason for that. You see, I am a moody ******* or at least people sometimes treat me as such. I withdraw when I am feeling down, from people, from activity, from life and that is evident in the pattern of my postings on OH. To be truthful, I have been unusually moody for my entire adult life and I used to eat and eat and eat to temper the outward expression of the extremes of those moods. I haven’t done that to any extent since I had weight loss surgery more than two years ago. Instead, the full range of my moods has become more evident to the people in my life. Since surgery, my mood swings have increasingly been the source of problems and conflict at work, at home and with friends. Over the past year, friends, family, and work colleagues have told me at various times, that I am quiet, mysterious, creative, irritable, charming, focused, opinionated, disengaged, interesting, distant, insightful, disinterested, funny…. and the list goes on. I suppose I have been all of those things, sometimes within the span of a single week.
Human beings seem to have a great need for predictability in the behavior and demeanor of others. One could argue that predictability is necessary in order to have a stable society. When you are not that way, people don’t know what to make of you. From my own experience, it is apparent that Corporate America demands that employees conform to some undefined standard of steadiness in one’s job performance; there is little tolerance for highs and lows in productivity or attitude. Personal relationships are comparatively less demanding in terms of the expectation of steadiness, but psychologists say that people who experience mood swings have the most trouble sustaining relationships.
The thing is that, despite the recent trouble that mood swings have caused in my personal and professional lives, I am very reluctant to try a regimen of perpetual medication in order to level things out. I have managed, with varying degrees of success, over the past couple of years to seek out support when I feel down and with using exercise or some other creative activity to cope with the feeling that I am bouncing off the walls. It is not Stubborn Male Pride alone that leads to my reluctance, but rather concern about the potential side effects of mood stabilizing drugs, such as weight gain and the risk of organ damage. I know that medication would likely make it easier for me to maintain my life as it is, albeit with some risk of suffering serious side effects. The alternative is to be willing to seek out support when I really need it and to live with the risk of experiencing substantial personal and professional consequences if I continue to give my moods free reign.
In any event, I have scheduled an appointment with a psychiatrist a few weeks from now to go through a mood disorder assessment. To the extent that modern psychiatry can offer definitive insights about the relative severity of my mood swings and corresponding treatment options, I want to know where I stand. If I had to hazard a guess, I would say that I will be told that I am cyclyothymic, which is the mildest form of bi-polar disorder. I have several friends who are bi-polar and they believe that mood stabilizing medications have made their lives more manageable. Perhaps that would prove to be true for me as well, but for right now I will admit that I am afraid of facing whatever this truth is in my life. Maybe I will pay hundreds of dollars to have a mental health professional tell me that, for all intents and purposes, I am just a moody ******* after all.
RP
" I know that medication would likely make it easier for me to maintain my life as it is"
It also may make you more Zombie like as you will not be able to reach your best highs or worst lows.
I might suggest Lana Boutacoff PH D. She is a bariatric specialist and she has some lower cost group sessions, that might help you get some answers without the typically high cost of private sessions. I have heard her speak at a couple of hospital sponsored monthly meetings.
Her office is in St Paul, Phone: 651-645-7318
However, you have to ask yourself which is the more frightening prospect: seeking improvement, or staying on the current course? You can educate yourself on the potential side effects of any med you take, and watch for signs that things aren't going right. Or, you can stay on the roller coaster you're currently on, and pray that you don't suffer the consequences of it.
I know plenty of people who take something to help them achieve a more pleasant state of being. As a dear medical professional friend of mine has often said, "Better living through chemistry!"
We've all put ourselves through some major stuff to get physically healthier. Don't we deserve to enjoy this "new" life we've earned?
Imperfect does not = unsuccessful
Darla:
i have been doing a fair amount of research on the effectiveness of mood stabilizing meds and their potential side effects.....from the perspective of medical professionals and from the perspective of those who have taken them over some period of time...the latter makes for some pretty interesting reading. Despite my skepticism and fear of side-effects, I still want to know where I stand, medically speaking. Another thing I have been thinking about is whether my current work cir****tances, while providing a steady income, are exacerbating the problem or not. In any event, thanks for your caring reply. I really appreciate it.
Rick
