Not quite sure what to title this one

I don't normally post these kinds of things on here because...well, I don't know why I don't normally post these things on here, but here goes.

It seems the closer I get to acheiving my goal I have been feeling...oh I don't know if depressed is the word for it but definitely in a down/blue type of feeling...almost like I'm mourning the death of someone close to me.  Which, when I think of it someone close to me did die...my fat morbidly obese self (I am now considered "overweight"). 

Yes, I'm happy to not have the added weight, but I'm also sad to leave behind the ability to eat what I want, when I want, where I want and so on and so forth.  I know it's not a healthy lifestyle at all, but DAMNIT my brain wants CARBS and wants them NOW!!!!  Thankfully, I'm not able to eat my favorites from before WLS-bread or pasta (I can do thin slices of toast)-again which is fine since I lost 50lbs of bread from one side of my ass and 50lbs from the other! 

Because I can't shut my thoughts up with a baconator from Wendy's I'm left to deal with these emotions and man o man I feel as though they are eating me alive some days!  I have talked to some people IRL and have an appointment to speak with my therapist so I know there will be light at the end of the tunnel soon...until then I feel as though I'm going to start crying at the drop of a hat and if I do finally break it's going to be with a king sized Snickers in my mouth and a double cheese burger waiting in my hand! (No, I won't really do this because it would cause me a MAJOR dump since I do so from both sugar and fat!)

To say I'm struggling with marrying the "old" me with the "new" me would be putting it mildly, but I'm doing what I can with what I have.  I hope and pray that I can acheive this goal because I don't like feeling like this one bit!

Alright, well I'm going to try my best to call an end to this pity party.  Thanks for listening.

I know exactly where you are coming from.  Like you, I also I am very happy with the choice I made for myself and my life, but some days I really, really miss being able to eat the way that I used to.  I know for me, every time I would eat something I shouldn't, the guilt would consume me and I'd end up beating myself up and feeling like a failure and then just eat more, therefore continuing the cycle.

Those who have not gone through this procedure sometimes think that we took the "easy" way out, and you and I both know that couldn't be further from the truth.   I've had a hard time not being able to eat my feelings, and learn to process things in a new and healthier way.

You are not alone, trust me.

Thank the Lord someone else feels the same way.  I had surgery almost 3 weeks ago and although I am doing well with my diet, etc... this head hunger and wanting to stuff my face is very difficult. 

You are not alone!

Samantha,

I have felt this way many times......I'm 2 1/2 years out now and can eat almost anything, I wish I would dump or get sick.....

Your not alone.....And PLEASE post and ask for support, were all in this together, and most of us do go through these rough spots.....

When your feeling this way, What do you do to make yourself feel better?  Maybe one thing you can do, Is look at your before pictures, if you had to write a letter to the insurance company, read that on why you wanted surgery......Maybe start a journal with your feelings.....Find an old pair of jeans that used to fit you, put them on, and look at who you are now.....This all really does help......

My Dr. did say that I was mourning food, when I felt this way......

Just know your not alone.......Hugs, Kelly

Thanks Kelly-Normally when I feel like this I go for a walk.  Last night that wasn't an option though since I had a VERY CRABBY kiddo who promptly fell asleep on the couch 15 min after we got home to change our clothes and get some dinner. 

I am feeling a little better today since I posted this so that's the good news.  I'm sure my doc is going to try to prescribe me an anti-depressant, but I really don't like taking them since they make me a completely different person (I've tried various different ones and they seem to make me either a raging Biotch or I just don't care about anything) so I'm trying to do things on my own that I know will make those feel good endorphines kick in...like excercise and being outside.  I was able to sit on the back deck last night and lose myself in a shameless romance novel for about 45 minutes until the hubby came home and was hungry so I got up and cooked dinner for us.

I do still have the outfit I was wearing in my before picture.  I was going to wait until my 1 year anniversary to put them on, but maybe I'll do that now since I've been giving my clothes to people who need them as I grow out of them.

Samantha:

 

A funny thing happens when most of the weight has come off….the compliments and accolades slow way down and no one else can see the progress you are making in your own head.  The Baconator response to stress or other hardships is no longer available to you, so you are left with your raw, untempered, swirling emotions.  Somehow you have to find new ways to deal with the things that distress you.  You must seek new sources of solace in response to the chaos of life. 

 

Exercise has been my salvation, both physically and emotionally, but sometimes it isn’t enough; the negative thoughts, the self-defeating ones, come back with an irrepressible vengeance.  Meditation helps some, but seeking out support when I am struggling seems to be the best thing I have learned how to do for myself.  Perhaps those things will help you, too.   Anyhow, soon enough you will begin to find your way as you forge a new sense of who you are now in a thinner, healthier body.

 

RP

 Samantha - first you ALWAYS know that we are here to cheer you on and to hear you out.  It always helps me a ton!   Do put on your presurgery clothes, I did it everytime I was down in the dumps.  It really helped me see the accomplishment I've made.

This is a life altering journey and there is no way to come out the same person you were going into it, good or bad, it's how it seems to work.  Just like any other life change such a divorce or the loss of a loved one.  It just changes our thoughts and our moods and our course.  It's very hard, but very normal.

You are on the right track by reaching out and talking about it and acknowledging it.  I always find if I can't talk about it it festers, ya know?  So keep doing what you're doing, talk, talk, talk and you'll find your way.  How do I know this?   Because I know you want to.

Big hugs!

Tess