Dinner out with friends

 OK, here is my frustration.  I have always gone out for dinner with a close group of friends and we've always split stuff and the bill.  That was then.....

This is now........ I try and order an appetizer or soup or small dish, water to drink or a virgin bloody mary.  I eat a bit of my meal and take leftovers home.   Everyone else has had apps and drinks and a full meal.  Now it's time to split the bill and I end up paying for all the crap I didn't eat or drink!  I'm not cheap, but really, why would they expect me to chip in for their booze or food?  If they smoked they wouldn't expect me to chip in for those? No.

I am sure they just haven't thought about it, but they know I've had the surgery, and have been very supportive.  But I've just finally started asking for a separate check and help with a nice tip for the rest of the stuff.

Does this happen to anyone else?  I just don't want to spend my money on that stuff if it's not for me.  

Tess

Hey you,  I would just ask for a seperate bill and leave it at that.  You should not have to pay for anything more.  I hope things are going good for ya..........

 Hey Marsha!  Things are going well except for my almost 3 yr old.  He keeps waking up and crying and I'm not sure why!  Teething? Ears?  But it's like every 15-20 minutes.  He did it from 1240am on last night and then again at nap.  He said his stomach hurt, now today he says it's his mouth.  All I know is that I am really, really tired!  I'm too damned old for this all nighter stuff!

How are you?

    My wife and I socialize with a couple on a regular basis.  I have always been conservative with my food choices, he has always gotten the best meal offered, Such as: I might have a chicken BBQ sandwich, and he orders the full rib tray with all of the special sides. My meal $9.00, his 21.95 plus he always has something like a margarita, I have iced tea.
   We always split the bill via adding up each individuals order. Now there may be a bit of spill over, and I know I am a lot better tipper than he is, but it is the ONLY way to do this on a regular basis and feel good about each event.
   Even his spouse is aware of his selfish lifestyle choices. We all love him anyway  as friendship always requires tolerance of an individuals uniqueness, and he does add a lot of fun to the party.

 Hi Paul, you make many good points.  My husband said the same things.  Friendship is the most important aspect.  I was just stunned last Sunday when one of the gals, who does everything to the extreme, ordered a bottle of wine.  The bill came and that wine was $60!  I just felt like it was asking a lot from me when I'm not drinking it.  

I am not a $60 bottle of wine gal, never will be.  I guess I need to either just not go, ask for a separate check or suck it up.  I enjoy the time out with them and as you said, she is a lot of fun.  It just kind of makes me crazy!

Thanks for listening as always.  You're doing really well.

Tess

I have had this problem in the past but it was more that we were not doing as well financially as the other couple.  We just had to explain our cir****tances and hoped they understood.  What can you do?  If they choose to not be understanding, how good of friends are they, anyway?

Amelia

  I'm sure it is just not thinking about it, on their part.  It does amuse me, though, how the LAST ones to think about the bill are those that order the most expensive options.  Strange coincidence?  Who knows.  The point is, enjoy your time with friends, it is precious.  And take care of yourself in situations like that - you'll feel better about it. 

Enjoy it!   You are doing so well.

I think asking for a seperate check is the perfect solution here.  And if anyone questions it, you have a perfectly legitimate reason -  you hardly eat anything anymore!  And you can say  you are saving the $ you DON'T spend on food for some other reward when you reach a certain goal!  Really, if anyone thinks you're being too tight,  that's THEIR problem.  Better to do what you can to enjoy your time with these people, than just continue on the same routine and end up resenting and avoiding them!!

 You are soooo right.  I'd rather treat myself to a mani or pedi these days.  Something I can enjoy day after day and it doesn't spoil my food plan!