Feelings (long)

   So, my parents and my brother are in Hawaii right now on a much deserved vacation.  My jealousy is overwhelming.    They had asked me if I thought I could go but with hubby being laid off for so long and the little ones it is nearly impossible.  In my past life, this would have been easily numbed by the fact that there would be no way I was getting on a plane, let alone for 8 or more hours.   The old me would have known that I couldn't keep up with them on hikes anyways.  The old me wouldn't have any clothes to wear anyway.   The old me would have made up a million excuses to go to the grocery and buy some cheesecake. 

  Well, I'm not the old me anymore!  I feel sad to be left out even though realistically there was no way to afford it.  I feel angry at my husband for being a roadblock, even though he never told me no.  I have so many layers of anger and sadness and jealousy and I am slowly struggleing through them even though I know it's going to take a while. 

  It struck me today that I was able to use my weight excuses to help numb my pain.  Is this what I have been doing my whole life?  It's a crazy thought though not a new thought, it just finally clicked with me.  So, I have a lot of work to do.  Need to form stratagies to cope with my disappointment, anger, jealousy, resentment and so on. 

Thanks for listening.

at least you got invited
I found out my entire family is going on a vacation together and I wasn't even invited!!!

If you figure out how to deal with it all..let me know too!

*HUGS*

Christine,

Bummer that you couldn't go.....I would have been bummed too.....You know it always comes down to money.....Even if you have a job.....Trips are just so dang exspensive.....

Can you do this......Can you plan a trip of some sort for just you & hubby to take once you hit goal or close to it at least? We need to reward ourselves for being susessful....It would give you something to look forward too.....Even if it's just a camping trip for you both, there are a lot of things you can do for less money.....And you can have fun in a tent, just sayin...

Do you see a counselor? Maybe consider that if your not, to help you through these feelings.....

All my best.....You can always PM me to, I'm a good listener.....

Kelly

Thanks Kelly!   I am feeling much better today.  I think just recognizing why I'm feeling like this is a huge step, now I can focus on working through my feelings.  I just thought it was all very interesting. 

Sorry for the let down....it is hard to accept when it is something we want so much.

You hang in there....you are a beautiful and wonderful person...don't forget that!!

Go do something special just for you today...even if it is just an hour or so....and just some quiet time. 

HUGE HUGS.....connie d