Reflections on Maintenance (long)

My wife and I spent this past weekend at our property in northern Minnesota.  Clear skies and daytime temperatures near 70 degrees made it easy and comfortable to spend time outdoors.  On Saturday morning I went for a solitary walk in the woods.  As I was about to step out the door I noticed a bald eagle perched at the top of a tree on the lakeshore.  He or she must have been focused on something in the water because my exit from the cabin went unnoticed.  Not twenty feet from the door I looked down and noticed deer tracks all over the area that I had planted with grass seed last fall.  As I turned toward the Forest Service road for my walk, I could hear birds and frogs singing their hearts out.  My supposed solitary walk was turning out to be anything but that.

I try to walk quietly, but 25 or more wood ducks took off and loudly expressed their displeasure at my passing when I came to a bridge over a nearby creek.   At about the quarter mile point I heard a great clattering in the woods to the North of me.  At first I thought I had startled a bear, a moose or a deer because I have seen those animals there in the past.   A shadow suddenly passed over my head and I realized that I had scared up a large flock of turkey vultures from a dense stand of poplar trees, their near 6 foot wingspans banging against the tops of spindly tree tops as they took flight.  Turkey vultures are not the most visually appealing birds with their small red heads and great black bodies, but I was nevertheless impressed with their departure.

With the unseasonably warm and early spring we are experiencing this year, the woods were already redolent with the scents of emerging life.  I breathed deeply in a grove of 100 foot tall red pines; the smell of rising sap bringing back memories of so many great places in nature that I have had the good fortune of visiting in the past.  The swamps nearby were emitting the familiar aroma of summer, although it was not yet overpowering.  Walking for a moment with my eyes closed to more thoroughly enjoy the smells and sounds of this magnificent spring, I almost stepped in fresh wolf scat.  Luckily I opened my eyes just in time to avoid that particular olfactory experience.  I found myself hoping that those droppings were not too fresh since I was both alone and unarmed.

Walking onward I heard a ruffed grouse drumming loudly off in the thicket, trying to impress any females who happened to be listening.  Somehow it reminded me of young men revving their motorcycle engines for a similar purpose.   It made me chuckle to think that the grouse’s efforts would probably be met with the same statistically dismal result.

I reached the halfway point on my walk and turned around.  It occurred to me just then that these meanderings in the woods provide a great incentive for me to try to maintain my weight loss and to take care of myself physically and emotionally.  I have always enjoyed wild places, but now I can enjoy those places more often and without straining to catch my breath or worrying about my feet hurting the next day.  At nearly two years out from surgery I am obviously into the long-term maintenance part of this journey.  Gone are the regular WOW moments and positive comments from friends and family.  Those have been replaced, most of the time, with feelings of well-being and a growing sense of inner peace.  From time to time I struggle with old habits, especially emotional eating or at least the feelings that lead to emotional eating when I have a down day, someone close to me makes a critical comment, or I judge my own behavior harshly.  I am getting better and better at actually dealing with my emotions, especially the negative, self-defeating ones as each month passes, but I know that I will continue to need support at home, from friends and at WLS support group meetings.  Each of those means of support is important to me as I walk on this tightrope of life, a welcome bit of comfort when, not if, I find myself wobbling.   I have tried to go without support on a regular basis and it simply doesn’t work for me.  So, I have accepted that actively seeking support will be a long-term part of my life.  So, too, will walks in the north woods.

RP