Why am I a bad person?
I have to ask because I am sure if you have walked in my shoes. Why am I a bad person for having a glass or 2 of wine? Yes I get goofy immediately and yes I speak goofy and yes it goes away quickly. No don't drink more than that yes my non wls friends and family don't understand how quickly a drink or 2 will hit me does that make me a bad person? Not sure 0I maybe have a drink once or twice a week and never drink more than a full bottle of wine but still I have a drinking problem why? Not sure why? I have been doing my best here by myself but always putting my children first but a glass or 2 makes me a bad person in my families eyes again not sure why. So tell me me what am I doing wrong or are you going through the same thing hugs and love.
Jennifer
I don't think you are a "bad" person.
I do think though that drinking a full bottle of wine once or twice a week is too much and can put you at risk of having a problem with alcohol. Our plumbing is tricky and it can trick us into addiction before we know it.
Try this. Have no alcohol for a couple weeks and see how you feel. If you have a problem with that, you may have a problem.
Hang in there, good luck...and seek help if you need it.
I do think though that drinking a full bottle of wine once or twice a week is too much and can put you at risk of having a problem with alcohol. Our plumbing is tricky and it can trick us into addiction before we know it.
Try this. Have no alcohol for a couple weeks and see how you feel. If you have a problem with that, you may have a problem.
Hang in there, good luck...and seek help if you need it.
Lori J.
It's better to be imperfectly happy than perfectly unhappy. 
Jennifer....honey you are not a BAD person!!
I agree be careful but a glass of wine or two a couple times a week isn't bad. Just be cautious. If you feel like you HAVE to have it then you will be heading in a direction you don't want to go. If you are doing it to relax and have a few giggles....so what...not BAD!!
I am now dealing with the BAD issues of drinking. I went way too far and now am paying for it. I haven't had a drink in over a month. I need to do this for me. I am not saying I won't ever have a glass of wine/drink again but I will be very aware of when and how much. Does that make me a BAD person?? I don't think so.
Please no flaming from anyone....this is just my opinion.
Love ya...hugs....connie d
I agree be careful but a glass of wine or two a couple times a week isn't bad. Just be cautious. If you feel like you HAVE to have it then you will be heading in a direction you don't want to go. If you are doing it to relax and have a few giggles....so what...not BAD!!
I am now dealing with the BAD issues of drinking. I went way too far and now am paying for it. I haven't had a drink in over a month. I need to do this for me. I am not saying I won't ever have a glass of wine/drink again but I will be very aware of when and how much. Does that make me a BAD person?? I don't think so.
Please no flaming from anyone....this is just my opinion.
Love ya...hugs....connie d
I don't think it makes you a bad person - it's always a matter of moderation.
You've had enough experience with people who drink excessively. Do you see any of those traits in your own behavior? A glass or two of wine once or twice a week is probably not a problem, but be sure you are smart about it - don't let it get out of hand, be strong enough to admit it if it does. If you are taking things too far and your family points out specific reasons WHY they are concerned, be open to a bit deeper self-examination.
You've had plenty to deal with lately. If drinking WAS to become a problem for you, well, it certainly wouldn't help matters any.
Don't be a stranger, okay?
You've had enough experience with people who drink excessively. Do you see any of those traits in your own behavior? A glass or two of wine once or twice a week is probably not a problem, but be sure you are smart about it - don't let it get out of hand, be strong enough to admit it if it does. If you are taking things too far and your family points out specific reasons WHY they are concerned, be open to a bit deeper self-examination.
You've had plenty to deal with lately. If drinking WAS to become a problem for you, well, it certainly wouldn't help matters any.
Don't be a stranger, okay?
Imperfect does not = unsuccessful
"yes I speak goofy and yes it goes away quickly"
You may not be feeling the effects, but that alcohol is still in your blood stream. Being RNY, that alcohol is not slowly absorbed, it is DUMPED right in to your intestines, getting it right in your blood stream way fast like, and it even as you stop "feeling" it, it's still there. Forget the calories for a moment, that much alcohol in your system on a regular basis is not good for your liver among other things.
"and never drink more than a full bottle of wine"
Do you realize the danger you are putting yourself in?
Addition is not about quantity - it's about the feelings of "need".
Are you a "bad person"? No. Are you possibly making some bad choices here? Maybe. Are you fighting an addition? Maybe.
You may not be feeling the effects, but that alcohol is still in your blood stream. Being RNY, that alcohol is not slowly absorbed, it is DUMPED right in to your intestines, getting it right in your blood stream way fast like, and it even as you stop "feeling" it, it's still there. Forget the calories for a moment, that much alcohol in your system on a regular basis is not good for your liver among other things.
"and never drink more than a full bottle of wine"
Do you realize the danger you are putting yourself in?
Addition is not about quantity - it's about the feelings of "need".
Are you a "bad person"? No. Are you possibly making some bad choices here? Maybe. Are you fighting an addition? Maybe.
-rob (upmykilt.net - formerfatdudes.com - ourwls.com - wlsfa.org)
Heaviest Weight: 380+ Day of Surgery: 322 3-Mo Post-Op: 249
6-Mo Post-Op: 215 9-Mo Post-Op: 200 Now: 198
Heaviest Weight: 380+ Day of Surgery: 322 3-Mo Post-Op: 249
6-Mo Post-Op: 215 9-Mo Post-Op: 200 Now: 198
(deactivated member)
on 4/18/10 1:52 pm - Clear Lake, MN
on 4/18/10 1:52 pm - Clear Lake, MN
Jen,
First of all, HUGS.......NO you aren't a bad person, and don't even think that you are......
I also have a drink or 2, not every week, usually just when I go out to listen to a band.....
I will say though, transfer addiction is very easy with us....So just be careful....
Love and Hugs, Kelly
First of all, HUGS.......NO you aren't a bad person, and don't even think that you are......
I also have a drink or 2, not every week, usually just when I go out to listen to a band.....
I will say though, transfer addiction is very easy with us....So just be careful....
Love and Hugs, Kelly
You are a fantastic person my dear! :)
Jenn:
Having met you in person on several occasions and also having observed your interactions with people here on OH, you aren't a bad person, in my opinion. Quite the opposite, in fact. The problem isn't whether or not you are a good person....you are. The problem is that you are enduring judgements from people who have the ability to make you question yourself, something that has probably gone on for much of your life.
With family it is pretty much impossible to escape those judgements, but you can make choices about how you deal with them (both the family members and their judgements). Regardless of their expectations that you either justify or change whatever behavior of yours that they are questioning, you don't have to respond to their judgements at all. In the same way you decided to have surgery to improve your health, perhaps in the face of opposing opinions from some family members, you have the right and ability to choose how you live your life thereafter.
Having said that, there seems to be ample evidence that transfer addicitions are a real risk for WLS patients, especially with regard to alcohol consumption. If you are drinking to numb or smother your emotions, then you might want to consider expoloring other ways to address those emotions because no amount of drinking will make those emotions go away. If, instead, you enjoy some wine now and then as part of the good life you have found for yourself after WLS, then find a way to stop letting those family judgements diminish the zest for life you have earned (easier said than done, no doubt).
Take care,
RP
Having met you in person on several occasions and also having observed your interactions with people here on OH, you aren't a bad person, in my opinion. Quite the opposite, in fact. The problem isn't whether or not you are a good person....you are. The problem is that you are enduring judgements from people who have the ability to make you question yourself, something that has probably gone on for much of your life.
With family it is pretty much impossible to escape those judgements, but you can make choices about how you deal with them (both the family members and their judgements). Regardless of their expectations that you either justify or change whatever behavior of yours that they are questioning, you don't have to respond to their judgements at all. In the same way you decided to have surgery to improve your health, perhaps in the face of opposing opinions from some family members, you have the right and ability to choose how you live your life thereafter.
Having said that, there seems to be ample evidence that transfer addicitions are a real risk for WLS patients, especially with regard to alcohol consumption. If you are drinking to numb or smother your emotions, then you might want to consider expoloring other ways to address those emotions because no amount of drinking will make those emotions go away. If, instead, you enjoy some wine now and then as part of the good life you have found for yourself after WLS, then find a way to stop letting those family judgements diminish the zest for life you have earned (easier said than done, no doubt).
Take care,
RP
Ah yes, the "I'm a bad person" conundrum...
WLS, self perception and coping skills all come into play here. More people who have WLS cross addict than just about any other population out there. We turn to alcohol, drugs, sex, gambling and just about any other co-dependent relationship than most populations out there.
Having struggled with cross addiction myself and people that I love having gone through it too (and died) it is something to be aware of on a daily basis.
The simple flippant responses that you have heard hundreds of times will not solve many of those issues. I could describe the plan and process that I go through to survive each day but the plan would take either moments or months depending on your mindset.
Let it be said, you know the rules. The "recommendations" that are put forth by the doctor before and after the surgery should be strong warnings instead.
Also, you are not a bad person. You are good enough and to think otherwise is the gateway to lead to other issues that will need work.
Trust me on this one. I do not want anyone who has had this surgery to go through what I had to go through. I was lucky to come out the other side of it alive.
WLS, self perception and coping skills all come into play here. More people who have WLS cross addict than just about any other population out there. We turn to alcohol, drugs, sex, gambling and just about any other co-dependent relationship than most populations out there.
Having struggled with cross addiction myself and people that I love having gone through it too (and died) it is something to be aware of on a daily basis.
The simple flippant responses that you have heard hundreds of times will not solve many of those issues. I could describe the plan and process that I go through to survive each day but the plan would take either moments or months depending on your mindset.
Let it be said, you know the rules. The "recommendations" that are put forth by the doctor before and after the surgery should be strong warnings instead.
Also, you are not a bad person. You are good enough and to think otherwise is the gateway to lead to other issues that will need work.
Trust me on this one. I do not want anyone who has had this surgery to go through what I had to go through. I was lucky to come out the other side of it alive.
Although I haven't met you, I am sure you're not a bad person! I have suffered from cross addiction. I was a normal to very light drinker until age 40 after I had surgery. I went from a normal drinker to a problem drinker in less than a year. It sure happened quick, and scared me a lot.
The only thing I have to offer is my experience, and some common sense. Alcohol isn't nutritionally necessary, and if others in your life are truly bothered by it, maybe you should consider giving it up. If it isn't important to you, and you're only a casual drinker, not drinking shouldn't be a problem. If giving up drinking would be difficult, maybe there is an issue. You will know if there's an issue or not. I wish you the very best.
The only thing I have to offer is my experience, and some common sense. Alcohol isn't nutritionally necessary, and if others in your life are truly bothered by it, maybe you should consider giving it up. If it isn't important to you, and you're only a casual drinker, not drinking shouldn't be a problem. If giving up drinking would be difficult, maybe there is an issue. You will know if there's an issue or not. I wish you the very best.
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