Frustrated with Parents

For those of you who know me, I debated having my parents come down to help out because they weren't in favor of my surgery.  They weren't positive about it at all, so I told them I wasn't interested in their help, we'd do fine on or own.

Which we did!  My husband and children were amazing, and now 4.5 weeks out, I feel pretty darn good.  From the day I came home from the hospital (up 12 horrible water pounds),  I have lost 35.8 pounds since then.  Even with two rounds of IV therapy in the last two weeks, I am still down that amount.

I have lost another 3 inches off m waist, and 2 off my hips in the last two weeks alone.  I am extremely proud of what I've accomplished, and so are my family.

My parents arrived on Saturday, and I even made sure to wear some of my newer slimmer fitting clothes (down 2 sizes in pants and top).  My Dad walked in, hugged me, said ahhh, then my Mom interrupted him and neither of them has said one word about how I look.

They've complained that I should have been warned that stomach spasms could happen (like they could seriously tell us every minor possible side effect).    They complain about what I can't eat.  Then today, my dad gave me crap because I hadn't even finished 20 oz of water yet.  I explained that it is tough to drink a lot because you have 3 - 1.5 hour blocks where drinking is not allowed.  His response - I could get 70 oz in during that time.  Really Dad, do you have a stomach that can only hold a few ounces?  His response, no, and I don't need one.  AAAAAAHHHHH!  I am seriously losing my mind.

My husband is keeping me sane, but I am so frustrated that they never commented once on the weight change.  They know I'm down 2 sizes, 10's of inches all over, and over 66+ pounds done, and not even one, 'You look nice'. 

I don't know whether my Mom is jealous since I am now only 2 sizes away from her, and she is extremely upset about her weight gain caused by medication.

I'm almost in tears writing this, because I am proud of what I have achieved so far, yet my own parents don't seem to care.

My mother-in-law who has always been supportive about my surgery called last night to ask my husband if I was looking great already!

Sorry about the rant....I'm just so tired and frustrated of never earning their respect.

Thanks for listening.

Parents some times need a swift kick in the ass.............  You are doing great and I AM PROUD OF YOU and how far you have come.  Parents will no matter what always worry about their children, but still.  
I think it is very rude that they didn't say anything I mean come on your not a little girl anymore show some support.  Just know that we are here for ya sweetie and keep your chin up.  YOU ARE AMAZING........................

 Yeah, what Marsha said!  My father was dead set against my surgery.  He gets it now, luckily, but I know what the resistance is like.

I am VERY proud of you.  It's hard when your parents, who it's been drilled into your brain your whole life to please, aren't, or fail to show it.  But just remember, this is your body and your life.  You know why you did it and you aren't accountable to them.  Huge applause to your husband and family for supporting you, they are the ones that ultimately count.  So give him a great big hug from me.

Try not to let them down.  My younger brother and his wife won't say a word to me about it.  I had lost 70 lbs and saw him and he didn't say a single word.  So, just expect it to be ignored and you won't feel so bad about it maybe.

Keep up the great work!

Tess

Some one once told me, a long time ago, don't hit your head on the wall and then wonder why you have a headache.  It means - don't do something that doesn't make sense.  Like go to the wrong people for support.  They may not be capable of that or they don't want to admit they could have been wrong, or they could worry about your health in the future, or they just don't like to give too much praise.  Who knows... for whatever reason, they are a bit negative on this.  Go to the mother-in-law who "gets it' and is supportive.  Come to the boards, where we are going through the same thing, go to your husband who sounds like he is supportive, friends, etc.  Everyone has their own opinion and just let them have them.   The best revenge is living well.  You are doing that.

On a side note:  You are doing fabulous.  Hope the water starts going easier for you soon!

Much as we believe we should be able to expect unconditional love and support from our parents, that doesn't always happen.  Maybe your parents are too proud to admit they might have been wrong?  Maybe they're just not ready to acknowlege the changes. Maybe they're just too stubborn and won't allow themselves to comment.  Maybe it'll take you reaching and maintaining your goal weight for some time before you can beat a comment out of them!

It doesn't matter, unless your only reason for having WLS was to please them, or even to prove them wrong.  You did this for your own reasons, and you are succeeding!  Dwell on that, not those who are negative.  It just sucks when it's someone so close - they don't realize how much their actions can hurt.

Keep on  keepin' on, sweetie!!! 

As hard as it is don't let them get you down.  You did this surgery for you & for you to live a healthier & happier life with your family.  Enjoy & reap the rewards that have come from your weight loss already & don't dwell on their lack of support.  Surround yourself with the people that do offer you the support you need and want.  And, as it has already been mentioned, we never really know why it is some people don't support us or compliment us, but we just have to know, deep down, that we're doing good, that our decision to have the surgery was a good one, that we're being successful in our journey, and with or without their praise we'll still be successful.  As we've talked about before, if they're not providing you with the support you need from them maybe not sharing as much about this portion of your life may be a good idea for now (especially if their still sharing your news with others without your approval, constantly questioning your choice, etc).  You know, in the end, what is the right decision, just make sure you do whatever will make you happy.

You're doing marvelous & don't let anyone try to tell you (or make you feel) otherwise!! 

You are doing great and will continue to do so.   After I lost 60 pounds I saw a brother who didn't comment, either.   I just assumed it was because he had been against my WLS and was pissed that I hadn't told him until after.   When I asked him why he hadn't told me I was looking good he said it was because he didn't think I wanted to call attention to my loss and my former higher weight.   Maybe your parents are just trying to not act like you were bigger before.  But . . what everyone else said.   You did this for you and your family and you will succeed for the same reasons.  Give them time to come around to the new and improved you.  And, to get over their fears.   It must  have made them crazy with fear that you had to have the IVs.  Even if you are a grown up, you are still the daughter they love.

Hope all goes smoothly for you in the future. 

Tuna

Nicole,

                My experience is just the opposite from yours. I have a lot of family support, except for one that thought I might be "desecrating the temple." I told that sibling that I had desecrated it with my obesity, I am trying to rectify that with the surgery.
                 However, what I am experiencing is that a negative comments makes me more resolute in success, where as "praise" makes me stumble. I got some great praise at my 3 month checkup from my dietician. I went into a grazing mode and gained the next week.
                I also compared my feelings from the "boy are you looking good" that created a whole hour of talk of diet choices which made me cringe, VS a conversation with some freinds that either didn't notice I lost 90 pounds or just didn't mention it. That conversation was just about me as a person and our shared life goals and outlooks. Nice and relaxing. I drank a lot of water.
              My pappy tried to convince me  once that it wasn't what was said, but rather how it was received. Our reaction is sometimes beyond, or in a different direction that was intended by the person with poor communicating skills. ( I know a well educated individual with anger issues that can be really poor in communicating his concerns.)

Thank you all for the honest compliments, and words of encouragement.  I know that I have made this decision to have surgery for me - actually going against my parents belief. 

I am extremely proud of how far I have come, it's just hard to face at 34, that my parents are basically jerks.

All my life they've told me I'm fat, that I eat too much.  They used to limit my food intake, not allowing any extra food, even if I was starving.  They wouldn't let me do any sports (asthma), and the only exercise I got was riding my bike. 

I once overheard my brother asking my Mom if maybe there was something wrong with my metabolism.  She said no, she's just fat because she eats too much.

So, now I'm eating so much less, exercising, I thought the least they could do would be say, hey, you have lost some weight.  I'm not asking or expecting great kudos or compliments, just some common courtesy.

Thanks again for all your encouraging words.  From now on, I don't care what my parents think, and I will not try to always please them.  This is my life, my family, my home, and I'm not going to be the second rate citizen anymore.  So Dad, watch out, I will not put up with any of your I'm better than you comments, and get out of my chair!!! lol

Right on girl!! 

And you updated your profile pic to show off your newer, skinner self!!  Lookin' good lady!