The dreaded chocolate.
What is dumping really anyway? Is it 'the runs" ? Is it lower abdominal pain and suffering? Is it more than that? How will I know if I ever do it? At times I've had enough chocolate that I should have 'dumped' I think. But maybe I just don't know what it is?
The guilt is one of the biggest reasons to avoid chocolate...but I had guilt about it 63 pounds ago too. It didn't stop me then. THAT is precisely what I'm worried about. It's why these conversations are so important to me. I get strength from people who can relate to me and are succeeding in their similar addiction. I'm just in this phase of disbelief - wondering how I could come this far and EVER allow myself to put anything bad near my mouth. I'm horrified that my cravings are still there - and that I still have to talk to myself every day about them.
I've said to myself more than 50 times a day lately "Just because you can doesn't mean you should" - Thank you for that. It's been a life saver.
The guilt is one of the biggest reasons to avoid chocolate...but I had guilt about it 63 pounds ago too. It didn't stop me then. THAT is precisely what I'm worried about. It's why these conversations are so important to me. I get strength from people who can relate to me and are succeeding in their similar addiction. I'm just in this phase of disbelief - wondering how I could come this far and EVER allow myself to put anything bad near my mouth. I'm horrified that my cravings are still there - and that I still have to talk to myself every day about them.
I've said to myself more than 50 times a day lately "Just because you can doesn't mean you should" - Thank you for that. It's been a life saver.
I'm glad.
Next step is to really SAVOR the proud, victorious feeling you have when you BEAT the evil craving. It's WAY more pleasurable than the guilt you feel when you cave! And it builds up your strength for the next time you're tempted, too.
That having been said, I'm also a BIG believer in forgiving ourselves when we screw up. Because beating ourselves up for making mistakes can easily lead to a "WTF, I've already blown it" moment, then binging on something we shouldn't. Just spank yourself, forgive yourself, and renew your determination to be stronger than the cravings.
As for what dumping feels like? It's not DUMPING as in
- although that can be a part of it. It's the sugar and/or fat DUMPING into your lower intestine, without having been filtered through the part that was bypassed. Some of the symptoms are stomach ache, rapid heart beat, fever-like flushing, exhaustion to the point of needing a nap, there are many different ways it can present itself. Just know that if/when it happens to you, you'll know it.
You are so normal, hon - just wanted you to know that.
Next step is to really SAVOR the proud, victorious feeling you have when you BEAT the evil craving. It's WAY more pleasurable than the guilt you feel when you cave! And it builds up your strength for the next time you're tempted, too.
That having been said, I'm also a BIG believer in forgiving ourselves when we screw up. Because beating ourselves up for making mistakes can easily lead to a "WTF, I've already blown it" moment, then binging on something we shouldn't. Just spank yourself, forgive yourself, and renew your determination to be stronger than the cravings.
As for what dumping feels like? It's not DUMPING as in
- although that can be a part of it. It's the sugar and/or fat DUMPING into your lower intestine, without having been filtered through the part that was bypassed. Some of the symptoms are stomach ache, rapid heart beat, fever-like flushing, exhaustion to the point of needing a nap, there are many different ways it can present itself. Just know that if/when it happens to you, you'll know it.You are so normal, hon - just wanted you to know that.
Imperfect does not = unsuccessful
Just a thought here. Have you spoken to your nutritionist? YOu may be craving because you are needing something. When you are at home, are you more nervous? Are you *sneaking*? Is it a rebellion that you are nurturing? Possibly do you need more protein drinks that are yummy and you figure it is too expensive so you get the chocolate cuz "at least I'm not spending all that money"?
I know that I catch rebellious thoughts going through my mind as I know I should spit out that saltine cracker.
Listen to your own thoughts and maybe start a journal. Keep it handy for every time you have a piece of chocolate, write down your thoughts, emotions. Keep a calorie count for just kicks.
Maybe from doing this kind of introspection you can make adjustments that will make a big difference in your frequent indulgence.
Again...just a thought.
I know that I catch rebellious thoughts going through my mind as I know I should spit out that saltine cracker.
Listen to your own thoughts and maybe start a journal. Keep it handy for every time you have a piece of chocolate, write down your thoughts, emotions. Keep a calorie count for just kicks.
Maybe from doing this kind of introspection you can make adjustments that will make a big difference in your frequent indulgence.
Again...just a thought.
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Darla, the graphic smiley made me chuckle. And Tere I think you might be on to something there. I think in a way I find myself testing my resolve. I'm still better than I ever was before surgery but for so long I didn't even think about doing anything off 'plan'. Now I find myself just popping stuff in to SEE what happens. Its sort of crazy.
I still see the guy who I went to for my pre-surgery MMPI because I really liked him and he is helping me with some self esteem issues. I'm starting to think this is much more related than I'd like it to be. Just because I wear a smaller pants size doesn't mean I feel like I deserve to. Getting your head in line with your new body isn't as easy as it seems. Those demons are there - just gobbling up all the new positive thoughts as they come out. I suspect this will be a life long issue for me. Too bad the surgeons couldn't have gone into my brain and done a little incision there too while they were in my tummy making a new path to my bowls. My counselor guy is great - but he doesn't come home with me. And I'm starting to feel like I'm high maintenance!
I do recognize that the chocolate is a decision that can fit in if I choose - when, how much and why are all things I have to consider before I pop it in my mouth though. Or I'll be right back where I started. and I am never going back.....ever!
I still see the guy who I went to for my pre-surgery MMPI because I really liked him and he is helping me with some self esteem issues. I'm starting to think this is much more related than I'd like it to be. Just because I wear a smaller pants size doesn't mean I feel like I deserve to. Getting your head in line with your new body isn't as easy as it seems. Those demons are there - just gobbling up all the new positive thoughts as they come out. I suspect this will be a life long issue for me. Too bad the surgeons couldn't have gone into my brain and done a little incision there too while they were in my tummy making a new path to my bowls. My counselor guy is great - but he doesn't come home with me. And I'm starting to feel like I'm high maintenance!
I do recognize that the chocolate is a decision that can fit in if I choose - when, how much and why are all things I have to consider before I pop it in my mouth though. Or I'll be right back where I started. and I am never going back.....ever!
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