I Think I Might be an Alien

I Think I Might Be an Alien

Some days I feel like an alien disguised in a human body, peering out from inside a vessel that is as yet unfamiliar to me.  At 19 months post-op, I know that I look like a person of normal stature, aside from some loose skin, but I don’t think of myself as being normal, whatever that might be.  I seem to be most comfortable amongst my own kind, be they pre-op, newbies, or post-op, probably because we have something of a common understanding and experience of having been viewed as different from people who are “normal".  Some days the larger person I used to be stares back at me from the mirror, temporarily afflicted with self-doubt, my sense of hope waning as I sink into a pool of deplorable self-pity.  It is at those times that I take comfort and strength from those who are also on this journey away from obesity.  On other days when I am strong I try to reach out to those who find themselves struggling because it is both my duty and a privilege to do so.  At times the people I have tried to help are those same people that have helped me in the past.  Somehow we collectively make progress, become healthier, and become stronger than we would otherwise have been without surgery and acting on our own.

Even on my strongest days I know that I am still different from most of the rest of humanity, that I need to be ever diligent about managing my diet, exercising, taking supplements, drinking enough water, and trying to get my emotional needs met because I can’t go back to how I was or it will eventually kill me in body and in spirit. I suppose that means that I will always need to be more self-focused than the average person yet more willing to reach out to others who are like me if I find myself faltering or see them struggling.  I guess that doesn’t make me an alien; it just makes me a different sort of human, better than I was before.

RP