There Is A Stranger In My Mirror
There is a Stranger in My Mirror
There is a stranger in my mirror, a man who is familiar to me, but different, changed somehow. He is far thinner than he used to be, but that is not it, not the thing that is so unsettling about him. He is more confident than he was in the past, yet there is fear in his eyes about where he has been, where he refuses to go ever again. That fear drives him to take better care of himself, to eat better, to exercise, to seek inner peace and joy in his life. Still, there is something more there in his eyes…..it is at least a glimmer most days and often it shines brightly. It can be seen in the occasional smirk, heard in a chortle of laughter, or felt in a grateful tear rolling down his cheek; all signs of someone who has found something to love about himself in place of the loathing that has dominated his life for so long. Self-doubt remains, though, casting its ugly shadow on his soul, but that shadow is fading, growing weaker day by day, slowly being replaced by hope.
I like this stranger, even if he can’t be as accommodating to the people in his life as he once was. He is still a caring man, but stronger, more willing to follow his own lead rather than be led by the expectations of others. I trust where he is going, even if I don’t know where that might be. Outwardly he is an odd mixture of muscle, bones, ropy veins and loose skin, a walking physical contradiction. Others don’t know what to make of him, nor does he always know what to make of himself, but that’s OK for now. I am sure he sees me looking at him, wondering when I will accept that he really isn’t a stranger at all.
RP
I can relate to some of this already, even this early in my journey. So much of my loss has been in my face and I often have to look twice in the mirror. Is that really my face in there? And how could I have hated myself so much to allow food to rule the way that old person in the mirror lived her life? I've been somewhat of an emotional ball of messiness since surgery, and I know much of that is from the rapid weight loss and hormone shifting. Your expressed ideas of HOPE really hit home with me, as THAT is what I see in my own eyes now.
Thank you, as always, for opening yourself up and sharing!
Blessings,
Shannon
