It's my 1 year anniversary
Today, I am one year out from my surgery. I've lost 140 pounds since surgery and 161 pounds total. I am very glad I had my surgery. Blood pressure pills gone, huffing and puffing gone, Lane Bryant credit card gone. From a size 24 to a 6 (and one freak pair of 4s which I think are mismarked).
However, I have been having some issues.
I have been having problems with low blood sugar lately (not dumping) that I'm working with my PCP about since my surgeon doesn't seem to be taking me seriously on it. I've gained back 5 lbs from my lowest weight because my body didn't seem to be very happy at that weight. Mainly gained the 5 lbs by adding in some more carbs at my PCP's suggestion. I'm just struggling with a happy medium. Plus, even though I know my weight was too low for me (it wasn't that low) gaining a bit of weight to try to stabilize my blood sugar has been quite the ordeal, emotionally. I guess I'm scared I won't stop. I just need to remember that if I use the tools at my disposal I can keep my weight where I want it.
I'm also struggling with body image issues. As I got thinner, I started disliking my body even more. I'm in therapy for this and hopefully I can beat this. It's just not even fun getting dressed anymore because I think I look awful. If you would have told me last year I'd be hating my smaller body, I'd think you were nuts. This is not just me complaining to get compliments. I was anorexic in high school and I think a lot of this has been hiding beneath the surface. If I could get away with wearing a burka to work, I would. Most of the clothes I bought are form-fitting and I feel pretty uncomfortable being that "exposed." Thank goodness I have good insurance for therapy!
All in all, it's been a pretty good year. I met a wonderful guy who supports me in everything. I met great friends on the board and at coffee.
Thank you so much for all of your support this year. Keep it coming, I'm going to need it.
Anna
However, I have been having some issues.
I have been having problems with low blood sugar lately (not dumping) that I'm working with my PCP about since my surgeon doesn't seem to be taking me seriously on it. I've gained back 5 lbs from my lowest weight because my body didn't seem to be very happy at that weight. Mainly gained the 5 lbs by adding in some more carbs at my PCP's suggestion. I'm just struggling with a happy medium. Plus, even though I know my weight was too low for me (it wasn't that low) gaining a bit of weight to try to stabilize my blood sugar has been quite the ordeal, emotionally. I guess I'm scared I won't stop. I just need to remember that if I use the tools at my disposal I can keep my weight where I want it.
I'm also struggling with body image issues. As I got thinner, I started disliking my body even more. I'm in therapy for this and hopefully I can beat this. It's just not even fun getting dressed anymore because I think I look awful. If you would have told me last year I'd be hating my smaller body, I'd think you were nuts. This is not just me complaining to get compliments. I was anorexic in high school and I think a lot of this has been hiding beneath the surface. If I could get away with wearing a burka to work, I would. Most of the clothes I bought are form-fitting and I feel pretty uncomfortable being that "exposed." Thank goodness I have good insurance for therapy!
All in all, it's been a pretty good year. I met a wonderful guy who supports me in everything. I met great friends on the board and at coffee.
Thank you so much for all of your support this year. Keep it coming, I'm going to need it.
Anna
Anna - take it easy and just listen to the doctors and do your best. You know your body and it's reactions. It should be OK. Hard to go through that.
As far as the body issues, it sounds like many of us have those. I was one of the rare lucky ones that didn't hate my body. I didn't like the inconveniences, but always did alright with self-esteem and such. But it is a struggle! You'll do fine, just be patient - what a year of changes for you!
Take care.
As far as the body issues, it sounds like many of us have those. I was one of the rare lucky ones that didn't hate my body. I didn't like the inconveniences, but always did alright with self-esteem and such. But it is a struggle! You'll do fine, just be patient - what a year of changes for you!
Take care.
Mary
"Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you CAN do." John Wooden
I'm down 120 pounds - thanks to RNY! Working on the next 25. Then I'll tackle more...
"Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you CAN do." John Wooden
I'm down 120 pounds - thanks to RNY! Working on the next 25. Then I'll tackle more...
Anna:
Congratulations on your incredible success!! I have posted the following thoughts about feminine beauty before on OH, but I thought these words might give you a little different perspective on how you look to other people:
You know... female beauty is not about the tautness of a woman's skin or that she must have a body unmarked by childbearing, weight loss, surgery or what have you in order to be attractive. Rather, a woman's beauty is about the underlying bone structure in her face and body, how she carries herself and the look of mirth, intelligence, and love in her eyes. By those measures, you are a beautiful woman, whether you can see that in yourself or not. Do you look like a supermodel/stick insect? No, thank God. You look like a normal, lovely woman who just needs to find a way to see herself as others see her.
RP
Congratulations on your incredible success!! I have posted the following thoughts about feminine beauty before on OH, but I thought these words might give you a little different perspective on how you look to other people:
You know... female beauty is not about the tautness of a woman's skin or that she must have a body unmarked by childbearing, weight loss, surgery or what have you in order to be attractive. Rather, a woman's beauty is about the underlying bone structure in her face and body, how she carries herself and the look of mirth, intelligence, and love in her eyes. By those measures, you are a beautiful woman, whether you can see that in yourself or not. Do you look like a supermodel/stick insect? No, thank God. You look like a normal, lovely woman who just needs to find a way to see herself as others see her.
RP
You have done soooooo well! I know what you mean about hating our bodies MORE after weight loss.
It sounds like you've had a year filled with many different emotions. I am just beginning my journey (had surgery on 11/19) and I can already feel the emotional pull in many different directions. Thankfully it sounds like you've lost quite a bit of weight & in exchange have gained some great support both here on the boards & with a wonderful guy.
I love this site & all the amazing, supportive people on it. I look forward to hearing more on how you're doing and hope I can provide you any support you may need.
I love this site & all the amazing, supportive people on it. I look forward to hearing more on how you're doing and hope I can provide you any support you may need.
~Melissa~
Ok now that I stopped crying after reading RP's response.. Sheesh.. the hormone monster is raging today.
Anna - I wish for you that you can find some peace in this process. You seem to struggle with happiness regarding your success. Keep looking for the silver lining, instead of struggling to find the dark area which you seem to be more comfortable with.
You've been in the dark long enough - it's time to start living in the light my friend. You are a beautiful woman that deserves nothing but the best. Hopefully you will start believing that now..
Lots of love to you skinny ***** grin (said with the utmost of love and admiration)
Stephanie
Dr. Benn gave me an incredible tool.. and I intend to make the most out of it!!
Hi Anna....first off congrats on your accomplishment...you have done a great job.
As for body image....I have some of the same issues. It is hard to deal with. I don't like myself either.
Hang in there with your doctor and therapist...they will help get you through!! It is hard work that is for sure!!
Hugs....connie d
As for body image....I have some of the same issues. It is hard to deal with. I don't like myself either.
Hang in there with your doctor and therapist...they will help get you through!! It is hard work that is for sure!!
Hugs....connie d
Anna,
Congrats on your fabulous accomplishment! Count all your blessings and try to not dwell on the body issues. It's sad that after so much hard work to change our body and habits that there is that lingering flood of emotion that suggests our bodies continue to betray our efforts. It's such an emotional process!!! RP summed up a wonderful view of women's image and I plan on using those words in the future.
You've fought an excellent fight both physically and mentally. Keep up the great work!
Shannon
Congrats on your fabulous accomplishment! Count all your blessings and try to not dwell on the body issues. It's sad that after so much hard work to change our body and habits that there is that lingering flood of emotion that suggests our bodies continue to betray our efforts. It's such an emotional process!!! RP summed up a wonderful view of women's image and I plan on using those words in the future.
You've fought an excellent fight both physically and mentally. Keep up the great work!
Shannon
Highest 301 - Sugery 270 - Current 173 - 1st Goal 165
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