OT: O' Christmas Tree

O’ Christmas Tree

 

One of my favorite things to do during the holiday season is to sit in the dark with only the Christmas tree lights on.  To me, anyway, it is a visual message of joy and hope, a reminder that life is worth living no matter what.  The emotional effect seems even stronger when I have my glasses off and what I see is more like an Impressionist painting than a crystal clear image.   The lack of details allows me to be free to think and to feel and I mostly feel at peace, sometimes for just those few moments when I am sitting in front of the tree and at other times, that sense of peace lasts for days.

 

Since I am prone to mood swings, I try to only make important decisions about my life when I feel at peace, which, to state the obvious, is not all that often.  Two years ago, I sat in the dark in front of the Christmas tree, weighing almost 380 pounds, worried about my physical and mental health, and made my final decision to have weight loss surgery.  Last year I sat in the dark in front of the Christmas tree, weighing 240 pounds, but fraught with self doubt, and decided that this year would be about learning to accept myself in all my resplendent weirdness.  Last night I sat in the dark in front of the Christmas tree, weighing 230 pounds, feeling fit and more self-confident, but as yet unfulfilled, and decided that the coming year would be about seeking joy in my work, in the people who are a part of my life, in how I exert my body, and in being further engaged with the great outdoors. 

 

I don’t know what the coming year will bring, but at its end I intend to be a more joyful man, one who is at peace most of the time, one who can sit in the dark simply enjoying the lights from a Christmas tree, his worries at a minimum and a smile on his face.

 

RP

What an absolutely wonderful, inspirational, and thoughtful post! I remember always doing the same, even when I was a very young ... when my parents would "allow me to wait up for Santa Claus and jus****ch the lights on the tree!" Well, I never lasted for very long but it sure was some lovely private time alone with my parents that you just reminded me to look back upon!!!!! THANKS! I wasn't going to put my tree up this year, but now I gotta do it and have some of my own thoughtful moments in the dark with some tree light solace before my surgery!

RP - a lovely tradition and apparently, a fulfilling one!  You used that experience to springboard you into joy.  I take inspiration from that.  I may even put up a tree this year (or at least some decorations) - I've been a bit of scrooge the past few years.

I'm totally with you on the sitting by the lights of the tree thing!  I think it's good for the soul.  This was a wonderfully uplifting post.  I don't doubt that next year will be a victory for you.  I know you just helped give me inspiration for the same acomplishment in my next year.  Thank you!