Respecting ourselves and our bodies...
I posted this as a reply before... and thought I'd post it as a topic because I think a lot of us have issues with self-esteem and body image. For me, it grew WORSE after WLS... which was unexpected.
When I was really struggling, I bought a book that my psychologist recommended.... I have yet to work through it but I hear it works great. It's called: The Body Image Workbook
I had a lot of body image issues and self esteem issues about 2 months back... for some reason it escalated A LOT.... but one day... truly... I just woke up and realized... wait a minute, I've worked THIS hard for my health and this body and I'm not happy? Why? I realized I was comparing myself to unrealistic ideas... super models, girls that are 120lbs, girls with 'perfect' little body and no stretch marks or skin issues.
My sister is about my weight - 190lbs. She always gets attention and it's because of her confidence. She once told me, "I have a friend who is tiny. Some men will absolutely hit on her and not on me. But other men will totally dig me, but not her at all. Everyone has their type and every body shape is beautiful to someone else."
It just made me realize that truly.... it's all in my head. What am I ashamed of? The body I worked for? Or will I just keep comparing myself to unreal expectations and let myself fall deeper into the shame?
I just needed to be realistic about my expectations. It's been extremely freeing to not CARE what others think about me. I always did and I always looked at the people around me for signs that I am pretty, lost weight, etc. Now... I look in the mirror and feel pride. I look at my before pictures and realize that I have come a long way. I allow myself to wear things that I once thought was ONLY for TINY girls. I have earned the right to love myself.
Before, I always wore black pants and a plain shirt. It couldn't be stripes or dots and it was ALWAYS long-sleeved. Here's me in the middle of SUPER HOT Venice, Italy... wearing all black:
Now, I realize that I may not be perfect.... but I'm not looking for perfect... I'm looking for PRIDE and LOVE. To me... that's allowing myself to wear a DRESS that shows off my legs... I never used to be proud of my legs but damn it, I've worked hard for these gams!!!
Don't like them? So sue me. It's not about being a ***** it's about loving the body you worked hard for and the assets you were given! And I am taking charge and LOVING everything that I AM and everything that I am NOT.
Part of this weight loss journey is demanding more of ourselves and setting higher standards for how WE treat outselves and also how OTHERS treat us. That's just me... and my soap box. LOL
We didn't come this far to look at ourselves in the mirror and be disgusted. We have loved so many for so long and gone through so much... now it's time to give a little TLC to ourselves... it's all part of taking my life back. All I can say is... don't wait until you get to GOAL to start loving your body and setting higher standards of care and respect for yourself. I went through A LOT of self-inflicted downs to get there.
When I was really struggling, I bought a book that my psychologist recommended.... I have yet to work through it but I hear it works great. It's called: The Body Image Workbook
I had a lot of body image issues and self esteem issues about 2 months back... for some reason it escalated A LOT.... but one day... truly... I just woke up and realized... wait a minute, I've worked THIS hard for my health and this body and I'm not happy? Why? I realized I was comparing myself to unrealistic ideas... super models, girls that are 120lbs, girls with 'perfect' little body and no stretch marks or skin issues.
My sister is about my weight - 190lbs. She always gets attention and it's because of her confidence. She once told me, "I have a friend who is tiny. Some men will absolutely hit on her and not on me. But other men will totally dig me, but not her at all. Everyone has their type and every body shape is beautiful to someone else."
It just made me realize that truly.... it's all in my head. What am I ashamed of? The body I worked for? Or will I just keep comparing myself to unreal expectations and let myself fall deeper into the shame?
I just needed to be realistic about my expectations. It's been extremely freeing to not CARE what others think about me. I always did and I always looked at the people around me for signs that I am pretty, lost weight, etc. Now... I look in the mirror and feel pride. I look at my before pictures and realize that I have come a long way. I allow myself to wear things that I once thought was ONLY for TINY girls. I have earned the right to love myself.
Before, I always wore black pants and a plain shirt. It couldn't be stripes or dots and it was ALWAYS long-sleeved. Here's me in the middle of SUPER HOT Venice, Italy... wearing all black:
Now, I realize that I may not be perfect.... but I'm not looking for perfect... I'm looking for PRIDE and LOVE. To me... that's allowing myself to wear a DRESS that shows off my legs... I never used to be proud of my legs but damn it, I've worked hard for these gams!!!
Don't like them? So sue me. It's not about being a ***** it's about loving the body you worked hard for and the assets you were given! And I am taking charge and LOVING everything that I AM and everything that I am NOT.
Part of this weight loss journey is demanding more of ourselves and setting higher standards for how WE treat outselves and also how OTHERS treat us. That's just me... and my soap box. LOL
We didn't come this far to look at ourselves in the mirror and be disgusted. We have loved so many for so long and gone through so much... now it's time to give a little TLC to ourselves... it's all part of taking my life back. All I can say is... don't wait until you get to GOAL to start loving your body and setting higher standards of care and respect for yourself. I went through A LOT of self-inflicted downs to get there.
Work the dress friend. Feminine curves in the right places. And the cute smile. Whoooooo hoooooot. You deserve all the good things in your life. I so enjoy your posts.
OH Support Group Leader
Come visit us at the bariatric buddy group http://www.obesityhelp.com/group/bariatricbuddy/welcome
Come visit us at the bariatric buddy group http://www.obesityhelp.com/group/bariatricbuddy/welcome
What a great post! Thank you so much for saying what you said. I was just thinking to myself the other day that I really need to stop pointing out the bad things on my body and realize that there are good things too. Also thanks for the book recommendation...I just put it on my list to Santa.
Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind-Dr. Seuss 
Elena,
This is a great post for everyone! Even if it is a reminder for some, a courage builder for others, or a much needed self thought!! I found when a little younger I had much more self confidence than I do now. Also since I am a slow loser pound wise it has taken a real toll on it. So thanks a bunch and you look GREAT in your dress, wear it with pride for what you have done for yourself!!
Oh and by the way I agree with your sister and have been in the same situation as her but because of my age, most men preferred a woman with more meat on the bones...
Donna
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