For Those Who Are Hurting
For Those Who Are Hurting
Most of us here chose weight loss surgery in the hope of improving our physical health and leading more fulfilling lives. For some of us, the resulting inability to eat for emotional comfort has laid bare the frustrations, despair and even self-loathing that led us to obesity in the first place. Time, support from our fellow travelers on this journey, love from the people in our lives and the willingness to face those demons even while we tremble can lead us toward greater self-acceptance, a sense of inner peace, and a feeling of wholeness in body, mind and spirit that we haven’t known before.
Along the way we struggle, mightily so, and some lose their way for awhile, searching for solace wherever they can find it: in a bottle, in drugs not prescribed by their doctors, eating unhealthy foods, at the mall, in their sex lives, anywhere but in their hearts where the pain resides. Most eventually find their way out of their respective hellholes, usually in one piece. Sadly, horribly, a few do not, no matter how heroic our efforts to help them were when they most needed it.
While we work through pain, sorrow, anger, and, perhaps, regrets, we must not lose sight of the hope for a better life that brought us together here. The events of earlier this week are a grim reminder that this is no easy road we are on. While we can’t always understand the depth of another’s distress or undo what has already happened, we can choose to respond to such a tragedy by reaching out, however tentatively, to those who are still struggling, to those who may seem beyond redemption, and maybe especially to the quiet ones who are suffering in silence, to renew their sense of hope and affirm our own.
RP
I think a lot of it has to do with I thought that having surgery and finally after many failed attempts to lose weight that I would finally be able to love myself. But its not so. I am the same person I was 80 lbs ago (I have about 50 lbs to go and dont think I will ever make it). Why do we think that we will lothe ourselves less if we lose weight? For me its just not true. I need to love the old me too and I cant so I cant love the new me either because she is ONE & THE SAME. That is what I am struggling with. And being 3+ yrs out I dont see the changes anymore. As some of the weight was coming off, I could see it and feel it, but now I dont see any difference in myself. I know in my head that I am 80 lbs lighter but I cant see it or feel it and I am afraid that I am living a destructive life. I have been strugling with this since I was 6 months post op when I stopped losing and I just can not get a handle on it.
I am so glad this message somehow reached you today. Having had my own emotional struggles in recent months I can tell you that seeking support here, at support groups (I have been going to 2 different ones this past month), and with a bariatric psychologist (once a month since before surgery) have all helped me make progress toward self-acceptance. One or more of those paths may help you, too. Facing the things that led me to obesity is the hardest thing I have ever done, but I don't want to feel the way I used to feel about myself any more nor do I want to turn to alcohol due to some bad family history. I would encourage you to seek support in several different places, PM me if you think that might help, but most of all, choose to believe in yourself, even while you struggle. By acknowledging here that you have been suffering in silence, you have taken a step ahead. Please let us know how you are doing. You see, your hope is our hope, too.
Rick
I am pre op and so not much help in that aspect... but just a thought... you said that you were having a hard time seeing where you came from and how far you actually have come... try this one on for size.... go to walmart (or where ever).. pick up a 50#bag of dog food and carry it around the isles for a few minutes.... that is still 30# LESS than what you have lost... but I bet you will be winded just from carrying that around! That is the one thing that I am going to do for myself to keep myself on track no matter what is happening... quantify your weight loss with something you can physically see! I know it will work for me... and it might help you too.... if not... no worries... but i just thought i would chime in!
Good luck with your journey!
Dharma
I used to go to the Images support group at the Cambridge hospital and maybe I should start back up again? That might be something you could also look into. Let me know if there is anything I can do to help you.
I began to gain weight and have digestive issue around 2 years post-op. I first took time to evaluate my behaviors and make changes. Although they did not fix the problem they did cause some improvement. I urge anyone struggling to reconnect. Allow family and friends in on your struggles. Seek out counseling and participate in local support groups and on the wonderful support boards here at OH and other places on-line.
Go to see your surgeon and nutritionist. My issue were not all my doing...I had a mechanical failure with a stretched stoma and pouch. I had a revision to band over bypass in October 2007 (Monday was my 2 year revision surgiversary).
I've lost all the weight I'd gain, plus more. Am I at goal? If I look at just the NUMBER, then no I'm not there YET. If I look at other indicators like my health and vitality, then YES, I am at goal. I am on this journey for life, and know that I will need to stay connected to people. I need to fight the urge to blame myself while allowing old patterns that brought me to morbid obesity in the first place, to return. I continue to strive for healthy habits that will improve my life. This will be an ongoing reality.
I am currently at my healthiest in years and also at my lowest weight since...ummmm...elementary school. You can regain control and the proper use of your tool! You've taken the first steps, and you can do it again!
Cheryl
Pre-op 320/Current 152/Goal 132 
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