How to deal with complacent RNY sibling... worried about her

My sister had RNY approx 3 yrs ago.. when I made my decision to have it done, after watching her progress... I was met with negativity that I didn't try to lose weight hard enough (ya right) and she tried to talk me down from it.. (ended up she admitted she was jealous that I might be thin like her)
But was met with my mother and grandmother making her realize how significantly it changed her life and that I needed this tool as well and she needed to support me.. so from that point on things are okay...

but....

We were talking last weekend about RNY and things.. and I found out from her that she has not followed up with her surgical group in 2 yrs and she said she doesn't really care.. and if she gains weight back oh well. She is not concerned with sticking with her eating plan, she is not taking any of her supplements- she does take calcium but takes Viactiv chews which from what I know isn't the right kind of calcium for RNY'ers...  She also deals with low blood sugar alot.. she almost passes out she tells me... she knows she eats too big of portions and she eats ALOT of sugar and ALOT of carbs.. she has gained almost 20lbs back since January...

I try to support her.. she doesn't want to eat more protein.. she doesn't want to work out... she doesn't want to cut back on carbs. when I suggested she go back to see her surgeon or hook up with a dietitian.. she gave me a look of disgust.

I am truely worried that she may allow things to get sloppy enough that she gains more weight back and it will seriously be life crushing for her...

Less of a fear for her gaining back... I realized how feaful this has made me of what I could become in a few years post op. I am seeing what she is doing and I am so fearful that I will regain residually... and yes I understand most of us gain like 10-20 lbs back after we dip to our lowest weight.. I am realisitic.  But I am seeing her become complacent... going back to old habits...

I personally can't imagine going through all of this... a total eating and living and physical activity lifestyle change.. 180 from where I was at... and a life changing irreversable surgery.. only to not give a **** and do all the things we're not supposed to do.  I thank my heavens that Dr Schwartz guarenteed me that his practice will follow me for life... that I have a strong dietitian that answers all my questions... and that anytime I have woes or worries or just dumb old silly questions that you guys have open hearts and ears to listen and give me advice.

 Stacy

 

 

Stacy - the best way with those closest to us is to lead by example.  Think of how effective it was (wasn't) when others tried to tell you what to do about your weight and health.  If you are anything like me, I didn't like it and it never made me change.  Just take the best care of yourself, and let her know you are there for her if she wants your help and advice, but that you can't tell her what to do.  That is the best way to handle it, in my opinion.

My sister needs the surgery, too, but her insurance doesn't cover it.  I was lamenting my successes (already!) and my brother, who had the surgery told me to remember to keep the focus on ME. That this is something I had to do for myself and that I can't be consumed with worry over her.

I agree - lead by example! She will watch you following the rules and shrinking and it might just be enough to get her moving in the right direction, especially if you get close to her weight!!

I also agree lead by example.  The only people we can change are ourselves.  Sounds like she may be a little depressed as well.  Take care of yourself Stacy.  Hugs, Kathy

Lead by example, do what YOU need to do to be successful, try to share with her all the valid reasons for her to respect her tool.

But at the end of the day, it is very important that you realize and accept - no matter how much you love someone, you can not save them from themselves.