Inevitable Truths (thoughts ad nauseum)

Inevitable Truths

 

This morning I was reminded that you can’t escape inevitable truths.  Sometimes they stalk you, they keep you awake at night, they haunt your dreams, they demand attention, and you realize at some point that you can’t really hide from them.  They can’t be killed or smothered with food, alcohol or other substances because they are part of you every bit as much as your internal organs and the blood that courses through your veins are a part of you.

 

Inevitable truths may include aspects of your personality, physical appearance, the state of your health, or how you feel about other people.  Some of those things you just have to accept with dignity and grace because they cannot be changed.  Others can be changed with considerable effort and commitment.  Obesity is one of those truths that can be changed and we all know how all-consuming that effort can be.  Changing one’s obesity, taking away the emotional crutch of food, can force you to face other truths, the uncomfortable, inescapable, confusing truths that make you squirm.

 

Those confusing truths, the ones lodged deep in your heart, the ones everyone tells you can and must be changed because they think they know what is right for you, what is moral and proper, or what is logical, can tear at you day and night.  They can destroy you if you let them.  Not everyone has to face such confusing truths.  I am not among the fortunate in that regard.

 

Accepting a confusing truth can amount to rejecting parts of your life that have sustained you thus far.  On the other hand, rejecting a confusing truth is tantamount to rejecting yourself.  If you reject yourself, you cannot survive emotionally.  So, you may find yourself having to make the unenviable choice of either tearing parts of your life out by their roots or eventually destroying yourself altogether.  If you are a gentle soul, that choice is not as clear-cut as reason might otherwise dictate.

 

To be perfectly clear here, I have no intention of destroying myself, yet I have not fully accepted a few of the inevitable truths in my own life.  I will accomplish that in time, but today I mostly feel tired, sad, and considerably less than charming. 

 

This is not a long-winded attempt to draw either your sympathy or speculation about what my confusing truths might be.  Rather, it is my hope that by posting this on a public forum, some of you might realize that you are not alone and so begin the process of acknowledging the presence of confusing, inevitable truths in own your lives.

 

RP

Rick,

I'm sorry, but  I read this and am confused by all your recent posts. I cannot relate to what you are experiencing quite honestly. But, it reminds me how grateful and thankful I am to have one thing in particular in my life every day I am on this earth and it is called FAITH. Because, without it, I'm sure I would experience more of these issues you bring to light.

May peace and happiness come your way!

         AMEN 

Amy:

 

Thank you for taking the time to respond to my post, even though you find it hard to relate to what I have been experiencing of late.  I especially appreciate your wish that I might find peace.  I will admit, in the less than charming frame of mind that I am in today, that I bristled at your implication that if I only had faith like you do, that I would be more at peace.  Intended or not, it smelled a little of moral superiority to me.  That being said…. I am genuinely glad that having faith brings anyone peace of mind and spirit.  However, I am not a religious person, so the faith argument is entirely lost on me.  Faith is something you either have or you don’t.  I don’t……. but I don’t begrudge anyone who does.

 

Rick

Just a thought, but Faith doesn't always have to be related to religion.  You can have Faith in yourself that you will do what you need to do to get to where you need to be both mentally and physically.

I looked up the word Faith in the dictionary and here are a couple of definitions that they have that are non-religion related.  And from the little bit I have read of your posts I have to say that I do think you have Faith----Faith in yourself and those of us that are going through this journey.

(1) : fidelity to one's promises (2) : sincerity of intentions

(1) : firm belief in something for which there is no proof (2) : complete trust
3 : something that is believed especially with strong conviction

No offense intended, I just hope that you can find the peace that Amy was talking about.

I didn't take any offense at your comments.  I probably just took Amy's comment the wrong way, too.  If so, I have no viable excuse for that.  The fact that I am taking a dim view of humanity today isn't a reasonable excuse either.  In fact I have been working very hard on the faith in myself thing. Some days, like today, my confidence waivers, and I get cranky.

RP

I wish you knew me better than that, Rick. In absolutely no frame of mind do I ever believe I am superior to others. Quite the contrary to be honest. I do have a positive mindset most days, but it is because of my life experiences and belief system. I have also read numerous amounts of self help, inspirational, etc. books written by the greats like Og Mandino, Zig Zigler, Dale Carnegie, John C. Maxwell, and the list goes on.

There is one in particular called "What to Say When You Talk to Your Self" by Shad Helmstetter. If you have issues with negative self-talk, perhaps this book can help you overcome it. When the principles in these classic books are applied, amazing things happen. I'm living proof.

I'm not superior or better than any ONE person in this world. Trust me, I know who's I am and who I am. That statement may be lost in translation if you are not a spiritual person, but it is a valid point to my character.

Additionally, faith is not 100% spiritual. In the book "Think and Grow Rich" by Napoleon Hill, he states the following regarding faith: "Faith is a state of mind which you may develop at will...it develops voluntarily...". He also states that "Faith is the head chemist of the brain.".

Let me state again though that I hope that you find peace and happiness, because you certainly are not going through all that you are not to enjoy life as it was intended.

Amy:

I apologize for misunderstanding you so terribly.  I am not going to offer up excuses because none would suffice.  I still do appreciate your wishes for my peace of mind.

Rick

Your post brings up lots of thoughts.  On one hand ths surgery has given me incredible "highs" and excitement about feeling and looking much better physically.  On another hand, this surgery has caused me to face things about myself and my life that I didn't  have to face preveiously because I "stuffed" everything by overeating.  Again and again, I'm brought back to - "this surgery doesn't fix our heads."  At times this is so clear to me, and your posts often bring me to a place where I think about what a wild experience this has been on so many levels.  I am so thankful for this surgery, but it has not been an easy experience or the "easy way out" as so many who haven't been through it think it is.  Ultimately, I think I'm not only physically healthier, but also emotionally and mentally healthier because I'm facing more issues now instead of eating them away.  I am definitely not done with growing, because more things keep surfacing, kind of like peeling the proverbial onion.   But it's a process - and a long one, as I'm over 3 years out and still feel like there's more to come.  I look forward to more growth, but it can be incredibly painful and exhausting.  Thanks for sharing and for being so insightful.

There are personal truths that I am working through right now.... some simple, some very complicated. I worked through the fact that I truly DID have low self-worth and esteem... and for the past month have been digging deep to help myself love ME for me.

I realize the personal truth that I will never be a tall, skinny supermodel... but that I need to love the uniqueness of my body and its experiences. I am having a hard time with that, but slowly and steadily I will learn to see my body and ME in general as a unique and special individual who deserves the best in life.

I think you have a valid point... I had to work through the inevitable truth that I did in fact have an addiction to volume eating, even though I never realized it before.... and I had to force my eyes to adjust to the tiny sizes of my meals. Now... months later, a cup of food seems like PLENTY. Before... I felt like I was depriving myself.

I am learning to deal with the inevitable truth that I cannot control what people think of me or what kind of relationship they choose to have with me. For some reason, I equated weight loss with being LOVED more... I would love weight and MORE people would love me... my dad, my family, my friends, etc.  I was extremely wrong. People can only love me if I love myself and what I thought I needed from OTHERS... I realized that I needed it from MYSELF.

So.... those are some of the many truths I am trying to deal with. Sometimes my heart yearns for things my mind doesn't understand and vice versa... and I have to quiet down, say a prayer and hope that my mind finds the right path.