Body Image Issues
I've found that my body image issues are actually getting worse, rather than better, the more weight I lose. This could be a function of not knowing what I really look like or it could be old issues (I was anorexic in high school) coming to the surface or maybe just that life is a lot different "thin" than I dreamed it would be.
I've found that this issue isn't exactly a welcome topic on most of the boards/lists I'm on and we really weren't allowed to discuss it in my bariatric support group because basically the only goal we are supposed to have after WLS is to healthier. None of my friends or family get it either.
I know there have to be others out there like me. I'm working with my therapist to see if there are any groups or resources that would be helpful in the Twin Cities. But what I'm wondering is if anyone who has body image issues would be interested in a book club or something like that. There are a few books I think would be helpful and I think it would be great to be able to talk about these issues with people who understand.
So please don't bash me for this. I am grateful for my weight loss and where I am but something in my head is not allowing me to live joyfully in my body.
If you have any interest in this, please send me a PM.
Anna
I've found that this issue isn't exactly a welcome topic on most of the boards/lists I'm on and we really weren't allowed to discuss it in my bariatric support group because basically the only goal we are supposed to have after WLS is to healthier. None of my friends or family get it either.
I know there have to be others out there like me. I'm working with my therapist to see if there are any groups or resources that would be helpful in the Twin Cities. But what I'm wondering is if anyone who has body image issues would be interested in a book club or something like that. There are a few books I think would be helpful and I think it would be great to be able to talk about these issues with people who understand.
So please don't bash me for this. I am grateful for my weight loss and where I am but something in my head is not allowing me to live joyfully in my body.
If you have any interest in this, please send me a PM.
Anna
I'm surprised that body issues is not a welcome topic in the groups or boards you're part of. I think it's a very common thing for those of us who have had WLS because of the rapid change our bodies go through. I think it's different if you loose 100 lbs and it takes you 2 or 3 years to do it, but with WLS it happens so quickly and it's hard for our heads to catch up with what's happening to our bodies. And so many of us don't see what we really look like - we still see the large person. I am surprised your support group wouldn't address this - it is really an important issue I think, and is definitely part of being healthy after surgery. Would it be possible to contact whoever leads your support group to "plead your case" so to speak? And I think this issue would be more than welcome on this board. I've been around a while, and I know it's been discussed here before with no bashing that I remember - please don't hesitate to discuss it here. It's an important issue.
I have always had body image problems...and now its worse....I have lost around 40 pounds so far and I can't see a change, but others say that they do. I still see me 40 pounds heavier and I really hate it!!
Lisa
RNY 7-6-09
Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired. Robert Frost
"Living hell is the best revenge."
RNY 7-6-09
Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired. Robert Frost
"Living hell is the best revenge."
Hi Anna,
I have to admit that this is a definate worry for me. I'm still pre-op, but while I know the issues of losing the weight and learning healthier habits should be the primary focus, how can we NOT address what all this work will do/has done to our bodies!
I'm with the others, this is a very important topic! People may not only still see the larger versions of themselves, but also may have problems seeing the "leftover" effects, skin, etc... both of which can have a HUGE mental impact on us! If we're not emotionally or mentally seeing ourselves as "better/healthier/etc." it may deter us from perservering to reach our further goals!
THANK YOU for bring this up, and I hope others will talk about it to keep the topic alive!!!
Best Wishes,
Shannon
I have to admit that this is a definate worry for me. I'm still pre-op, but while I know the issues of losing the weight and learning healthier habits should be the primary focus, how can we NOT address what all this work will do/has done to our bodies!
I'm with the others, this is a very important topic! People may not only still see the larger versions of themselves, but also may have problems seeing the "leftover" effects, skin, etc... both of which can have a HUGE mental impact on us! If we're not emotionally or mentally seeing ourselves as "better/healthier/etc." it may deter us from perservering to reach our further goals!
THANK YOU for bring this up, and I hope others will talk about it to keep the topic alive!!!
Best Wishes,
Shannon
Highest 301 - Sugery 270 - Current 173 - 1st Goal 165
Shame on anyone who would bash or refuse to acknowlege such a valid issue! PNC support group is very open to just about any topic we bring to the open - they all should be.
I would imagine a person's age has a lot to do with their hopes and expectations for once they lose the weight. I knew darn well that I was SO obese, for SO long, and I've had 2 babies - I just never expected to look "good" nekkid. Lots of apron, batwings from hell, scrotum thighs - ugh. Me no likey. However, that's why the good Lord invented clothing. Heck - I don't think I look half bad when I'm dressed! 3/4 sleeves are my friend. Yes, I've still had the "spare tire" below my belly button. And I discovered capris - no more shorts for me.
Now that I've had the unexpected opportunity of a lifetime to have that spare tire removed, I've had a couple of friends who were concerned about whether or not it would look good. If I'd have "dog ears" at the ends, if the scar would be even or jagged. Honestly? I COULDN'T CARE LESS!!! I never even DREAMED of having that done, I'm just thrilled! Does it look pretty? F*** NO!!! My dog ears, Thelma and Louise, are downright ugly! And I no longer have a bellybutton, and that's just plain freaky! But I'm HAPPY with the weight I've lost, I'm THRILLED to have the apron gone, and I'll NEVER see the inside of a bikini!
It is SO important to have realistic expectations, and find a way to have peace with them. Most WLS patients are never going to look good in a bikini, no matter HOW much weight we lose (dudes, sorry - this is obviously targeted at all the women here).
Now if I had the magic answer on how to GIVE THAT to everyone? I'd be a gazillionaire, right? Just try to counter every negative thought with a positive one. If you can make THAT a habit, you'll find yourself in a better place
I would imagine a person's age has a lot to do with their hopes and expectations for once they lose the weight. I knew darn well that I was SO obese, for SO long, and I've had 2 babies - I just never expected to look "good" nekkid. Lots of apron, batwings from hell, scrotum thighs - ugh. Me no likey. However, that's why the good Lord invented clothing. Heck - I don't think I look half bad when I'm dressed! 3/4 sleeves are my friend. Yes, I've still had the "spare tire" below my belly button. And I discovered capris - no more shorts for me.
Now that I've had the unexpected opportunity of a lifetime to have that spare tire removed, I've had a couple of friends who were concerned about whether or not it would look good. If I'd have "dog ears" at the ends, if the scar would be even or jagged. Honestly? I COULDN'T CARE LESS!!! I never even DREAMED of having that done, I'm just thrilled! Does it look pretty? F*** NO!!! My dog ears, Thelma and Louise, are downright ugly! And I no longer have a bellybutton, and that's just plain freaky! But I'm HAPPY with the weight I've lost, I'm THRILLED to have the apron gone, and I'll NEVER see the inside of a bikini!
It is SO important to have realistic expectations, and find a way to have peace with them. Most WLS patients are never going to look good in a bikini, no matter HOW much weight we lose (dudes, sorry - this is obviously targeted at all the women here).
Now if I had the magic answer on how to GIVE THAT to everyone? I'd be a gazillionaire, right? Just try to counter every negative thought with a positive one. If you can make THAT a habit, you'll find yourself in a better place
Imperfect does not = unsuccessful
Your surgeon isn't listed so, I am not sure where you are going for support?
Healthy BODY, Heathy MIND, they shouldlet you discuss anything that you want?
I am 3 years out, I have lost 135 pounds and have been stable with my weight for over 2 years. I still don't recognized myself in pictures sometimes!! It is normal to have some body imagine issues, especially while you are still actively dropping weight. Don't expect friends and family to understand- they really can't. Honestly some of them might have their own issues with your success.
Starting a group might be a good way for you to get going. I suggest seeing the shrink you did your pre-op work with. My clinic made me check in at 6 months and 1 year I think. That helped some but honestly, I think we are scarred for life- you just have to find your own happy place.
Good Luck!
Lynn
Healthy BODY, Heathy MIND, they shouldlet you discuss anything that you want?
I am 3 years out, I have lost 135 pounds and have been stable with my weight for over 2 years. I still don't recognized myself in pictures sometimes!! It is normal to have some body imagine issues, especially while you are still actively dropping weight. Don't expect friends and family to understand- they really can't. Honestly some of them might have their own issues with your success.
Starting a group might be a good way for you to get going. I suggest seeing the shrink you did your pre-op work with. My clinic made me check in at 6 months and 1 year I think. That helped some but honestly, I think we are scarred for life- you just have to find your own happy place.
Good Luck!
Lynn
My surgeon was Dr. Leslie at UM-Fairview. They have a support group that has never ended up being convenient for me to attend. I was actually going to a WLS support group that I paid to go to, led by a therapist who specializes in working with WLS patients. When I tried to bring it up, she said it was about health, that we had the surgery for our health and if I was concerned about how I looked then that was "correlated with weight regain."
I think the negative feedback I've gotten on lists is that the climate on those was more about "being grateful I lost the weight and a lot of people out there haven't been as successful as you" kind of thing.
I am going through the exact same thing! I went to my first psychologist appt today and she recommended The Body Image Workbook (click here and it'll send you to the Amazon page).
I hope it helps me... I really need something to do the trick!
I hope it helps me... I really need something to do the trick!
Anna,
Oh ya.......I've been there for quiet sometime....I have a lot of issues actually....I'm healthy and have lost the weight for the most part, but am all screwed up in the head......
I see a counselor, but am looking for more help......Someone that can understand what I'm all going through......
Kelly
Oh ya.......I've been there for quiet sometime....I have a lot of issues actually....I'm healthy and have lost the weight for the most part, but am all screwed up in the head......
I see a counselor, but am looking for more help......Someone that can understand what I'm all going through......
Kelly
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