OT need some input

I don't know what to do....... As most of you know I had a really bad year last year.  I lost my husbands grandma whom I was very close too, My uncle, and my dad.  My brother is a basterd and my gramms just ****** me off.  Anyways since my dad died in Jan my gramms and I don't get along due to my brother.  2 weeks ago she called me and said she doesn't want to see me anymore that I am making my brothers life crazy for him.  I have not spoken to the basterd since dads buriel.  I wrote her a letter back shaming her, and how dad would be dissappointed in her and for her to ask my brother of proof of what I have done and went on and on 3 pages full (oops) and yesterday I got a letter from her saying she is sorry, she wants too see me and the boys,  she wants us to be us again, and she wants me to accept her apology!  I just don't know what to do.  Part of me is excited and happy I have my gramms back ( maybe) and part of me thinks this will last a week or 2 then she will call me again saying she doesn't want anything to do with me again.  What do you think?  I need some input from other than my immediate family.  I should not let my guard down and just stay away right?????  URGGGGG  why me.   Thanks.......

Awww I am sorry you are going through that kind of stuff honey.  You wrote the letter and gramms replied....so I guess I would accept the apologie....it takes a lot to say sorry...as for your brother...well he is missing out on YOU and your kids, he is going to have to realize what he is missing honey...its very sad we have someone like that in my family...my husbands sister...my twins who are 11 don't even know her! I hope you get through this mess hon, also...do what is in your heart ya know????  or you could move far far away...he he he (just kidding on that part!)

You can only control you! Your Gramms may do exactly what you fear, and she may surprise you. You can not control her, just your own reactions to the situations as they arise. I do not believe you'd have poured out your heart in that letter if you never intended to forgive her. Set your boundaries as you move forward. Start slowly so you control the situation. Stay on neutral ground, away from your Gramms home so that you remain physically away from your brother. If you cross paths be polite, and do what you need to do to stay in control.

You control you. If you forgive Gramms and get together, be in control of you. The calmer and more controlled you are when situations get strained, rather than reacting and getting upset, the more unnerving it is to people who EXPECT certain behaviors from you. Refuse to lower yourself to their behaviors. Stay the kind, caring, and gracious woman you are and remain in control. Don't give away your power.
Cheryl

I know what you are going through. My advice is to be cautiously optimistic. I think you should accept her apology. But when it comes to letting her back into your life the way it was before your dad died, I guess I'd slowly let that happen. Being a mother myself, I would always put my kids first. So I guess I'd sort of test the waters a bit with you. And if after some time things are going well, THEN bring the kids into the picture.

Just remember that grief doesn't always bring out the best in us. So patience and understanding and sometimes time is all you can do.

You will do the right thing. But protect the kiddos first.

Big hugs to you!
Kelly

Hey Girly - my first thought is this.  Sit down and have a conversation with yourself and say "Self! What does gramms add to my life?  Does she add joy, happiness, companionship and support?" - if that answer is yes, then start over with her.

If you answer with some what of a negative response - like she drains you emotionally, she sucks life out of you, she makes you sad, she hurts your feelings and gets your blood pressure up.  Then you do NOT need her in your life!  People even if they are family who drain our spirits should not be in our life.

Although it is tough to let someone go if they can not add and only take away from you and your spirit you have to let them go!

Luvies,
Sal

Sorry your still having to deal with all this mess!

You know how your brother is, that is a given.

About your Gramm's. My thought is, dealing with the aged sucks but we have to put our best foot forward and be the better person.  Take into account what her age is, how long will she be around,what will you gain or the children gain from her, or what will they gain if you fight. The list can go on and on.

If it were ME and it is not, I would meet with her, see how it goes, keep your guard up inside yourself, and take it a step at a time. Sometimes we have to put away our dirty laundry and move along for a bit.  I have to deal with this in my family always. My mother has to be mad at someone at all times. I have went yrs without talking to her. We talk now, but it is my daughter who suffers now, that was her next target. When that clears it will be my brothers turn. Sad but true we ( my family) can almost write it on a calender of when the events will turn lol

Make the most of what time you can get and be safe!
Kelly/tink

Do whatever will allow you to sleep peacefully, with a clean conscience, every night. 

You wanted and apology, and got it.  Would you feel at peace if you snubbed her for it?  Or are you confident enough that her words weren't sincere, and she'll hurt you again?  I think once you answer those questions, you'll find your answer.