Need surgery for the head to shrink the image I see
So I'm not exactly fresh out of surgery. The incisions have healed and faded. The weight is gone.. and stayed there rather well. But my stubborn little head keeps seeing this 300 pound lady in the mirror. I know that it's something that only I see. I understand that time helps with this, but really? How long? I'm over three years out and still seeing this huge pile of flubber giggling back at me.
Now that I'm going to be strongly pursuing some jobs outside of Minnesota, I'm even more aware of my outward appearance. I need to be, to an extent. But these people have no idea what is under this lady's spanx. They don't know that a compliment or second look at my figure makes me think that they are compensating for my giggly flubberness.
Any suggestions on how to smile and say thank you and NOT beat yourself up for it later? I'm good at the smile and thank you part. I keep beating myself up over it when I'm alone and going over my day.
Thanks guys!
Now that I'm going to be strongly pursuing some jobs outside of Minnesota, I'm even more aware of my outward appearance. I need to be, to an extent. But these people have no idea what is under this lady's spanx. They don't know that a compliment or second look at my figure makes me think that they are compensating for my giggly flubberness.
Any suggestions on how to smile and say thank you and NOT beat yourself up for it later? I'm good at the smile and thank you part. I keep beating myself up over it when I'm alone and going over my day.
Thanks guys!
Leia
292/189
Enjoying life and all of it's bumps and bruises along the way.
292/189
Enjoying life and all of it's bumps and bruises along the way.
Wish I had some words of wisdom. At almost 5 years out my reality and self perseption don't match either! I feel like I've crossed some invisible threshold with my weight because of all the attention I seem to be getting lately.
I see hanging, jiggly fat & skin and I SEE FAT. I know in my head that I am physically smaller than I have been in 30+ years, but i still see fat. And I still have fat days where I feel bloated and FAT!
This does not fit with my reality lately; men smiling AND talking to me, holding open doors, letting me go before them in line. Have we changed? Do we respond differently without being aware? Are we smiling more? Are we more approachable?
As far as not beating yourself up...well you have to find a way to like the new physical you, as well as the inner you. (Or get plastics.) When you get that down, could ya give a girl a hand?
I see hanging, jiggly fat & skin and I SEE FAT. I know in my head that I am physically smaller than I have been in 30+ years, but i still see fat. And I still have fat days where I feel bloated and FAT!
This does not fit with my reality lately; men smiling AND talking to me, holding open doors, letting me go before them in line. Have we changed? Do we respond differently without being aware? Are we smiling more? Are we more approachable?
As far as not beating yourself up...well you have to find a way to like the new physical you, as well as the inner you. (Or get plastics.) When you get that down, could ya give a girl a hand?
Matata 2
Pre-op 320/Current 152/Goal 132
Pre-op 320/Current 152/Goal 132 I'm sure that we are more approachable as people don't see us as the super or mega obese people we once were. But that doesn't mean that we ever learned the skills to deal with that attention. I think that's what I'm lacking. I learned very early on to say 'thank you' and smile at every compliment on my appearance or comment on weight loss. But that doesn't mean that I really understand that compliment in my head. It's like I can't process it as they really intend that for me. On the face of things, I seem to take it well. Or so I'm told. Maybe time and repition will make me believe it? Maybe?
Leia
292/189
Enjoying life and all of it's bumps and bruises along the way.
292/189
Enjoying life and all of it's bumps and bruises along the way.
ummm....yeah. I second, third and fourth that-I don't ever see a thinner person in the mirror-it is only when I pull out the old pictures. so my advice would be to keep a before picture handy on the mirrow to compare!
and what is this about looking for jobs outside of MN? are you not at PNC anymore? been forever since I seen ya, you better get me updated!
lynn
LynnK
I'm still at PNC. For now. I'm back in my old role in operations and I'm looking at other options to use all of these new certifications I have hanging on the wall. This is leading me all over the map. It looks like they are pretty hot commodities with some higher dollar paychecks if I'm willing to leave Minnesota. I do have a pricetag, and some places are willing to exceed that.
Leia
292/189
Enjoying life and all of it's bumps and bruises along the way.
292/189
Enjoying life and all of it's bumps and bruises along the way.
i am soooo with you. i know i lost a lot of weight quite some time ago, but when i look in the mirror all i see are the skin flaps, stretch marks, etc...
i know all the psycho speak about loving who you are, what you are, and where you are - but sometimes i forget to mentally prepare myself before i look at my body in the mirror - and when that happens, it's still a shock. mostly, i just look at my face and avoid the rest of me.
i'm with lynn. what this about pursuing jobs outside of mn? are you moving? i know i've been off the boards for awhile. what did i miss?
my instinct is to say DON'T BEAT YOURSELF UP, but i'm sorry, i've got no idea how you go about doing that. if you find out, let me know - ok?
take care
dorthe
i know all the psycho speak about loving who you are, what you are, and where you are - but sometimes i forget to mentally prepare myself before i look at my body in the mirror - and when that happens, it's still a shock. mostly, i just look at my face and avoid the rest of me.
i'm with lynn. what this about pursuing jobs outside of mn? are you moving? i know i've been off the boards for awhile. what did i miss?
my instinct is to say DON'T BEAT YOURSELF UP, but i'm sorry, i've got no idea how you go about doing that. if you find out, let me know - ok?
take care
dorthe
DORTHEAGING IS INEVITABLE
GROWING UP IS OPTIONAL!
I think the worst part about beating myself up about it later is that it also makes me feel guilty for beating myself up. I do know that I shouldn't, but it's part of the cycle. I keep thinking that if I see what others see, then I will be able to accept it and not feel horrible later. But I am starting to think that even if I see a smaller me, I still don't see a better me. And I'm surely not seeing what others see. There are so many shinks out there that I've talked to about this. None of them really have a magic bullet answer. They all kind of come around to acceptance. And I can't seem to accept what I can't really see. I'm just a bit too literal of a person. At least when it comes to criticizing myself.
I'm looking at other options for jobs. I'm not entirely satisified with what I'm doing right now, so I have the feelers out there. It looks like what I really want to be doing isn't an option right now in Minnesota. So I'm venturing forth to unchartered territory.
I'm looking at other options for jobs. I'm not entirely satisified with what I'm doing right now, so I have the feelers out there. It looks like what I really want to be doing isn't an option right now in Minnesota. So I'm venturing forth to unchartered territory.
Leia
292/189
Enjoying life and all of it's bumps and bruises along the way.
292/189
Enjoying life and all of it's bumps and bruises along the way.
I was going to post about this too.... here's a trick that I kind of taught myself that works for me.
Ok, you know how most people probably see us as better looking than we see ourselves? Or how they typically don't notice the imperfections like we do?
Now think about the days where you feel exceptionally good about yourself... you think you look pretty hot, sassy, sexy...etc.
What I came to realize is that people probably see us the SAME way we see ourselves on those GOOD days... since their impression is always better than our typical daily outlook.
So just think back to the days where you feel you look pretty damn good... and realize that's how people see you. It works for me anyway!
Also, just practice saying THANK YOU! I like to think about when I give someone a compliment... it sometimes takes guts and EFFORT to give people a compliment... so it's SUCH a relief to hear a nice "Thank you" in return instead of "Oh shut up" or.. "Are you blind?" lol
Ok, you know how most people probably see us as better looking than we see ourselves? Or how they typically don't notice the imperfections like we do?
Now think about the days where you feel exceptionally good about yourself... you think you look pretty hot, sassy, sexy...etc.
What I came to realize is that people probably see us the SAME way we see ourselves on those GOOD days... since their impression is always better than our typical daily outlook.
So just think back to the days where you feel you look pretty damn good... and realize that's how people see you. It works for me anyway!
Also, just practice saying THANK YOU! I like to think about when I give someone a compliment... it sometimes takes guts and EFFORT to give people a compliment... so it's SUCH a relief to hear a nice "Thank you" in return instead of "Oh shut up" or.. "Are you blind?" lol
That is some great advice. I wish I could bottle that 'damn good' feeling for when I really need it. It's like bottling a kid's energy. When it's there, I love feeling it, and just embracing it. But when it's gone, it's really hard to pull it back.
Thank you with a smile is the best thing to do. I've gotten that down pat. It's at the end of the day, when I get that alone time to reflect, that I'm really being self-ciritical and coming to the conclusion that I'm not that person who should be getting those compliments. Or at least I think they are sending them my way for the wrong reasons. It's all head game, but it's one that I am having a hard time winning.
Thank you with a smile is the best thing to do. I've gotten that down pat. It's at the end of the day, when I get that alone time to reflect, that I'm really being self-ciritical and coming to the conclusion that I'm not that person who should be getting those compliments. Or at least I think they are sending them my way for the wrong reasons. It's all head game, but it's one that I am having a hard time winning.
Leia
292/189
Enjoying life and all of it's bumps and bruises along the way.
292/189
Enjoying life and all of it's bumps and bruises along the way.
Personally, I think Elena has it right with her efforts to remember the "good days." We are so picky about our flaws. I haven't even had the surgery, but for years I've tried to focus on the GOOD things my body does for me.
I am amazed how at this weight it brings me where I need to go and functions fairly smoothly. For that I am always grateful. I hope I can hang on to that notion when my body goes through its changes to a healthier new weight.
Mary
"Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you CAN do." John Wooden
I'm down 120 pounds - thanks to RNY! Working on the next 25. Then I'll tackle more...
"Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you CAN do." John Wooden
I'm down 120 pounds - thanks to RNY! Working on the next 25. Then I'll tackle more...
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