Scared to exercise (Long)

This is kind of long and just looking for some support on how to get over a fear.  Its kind of weird but I'm scared to exercise.  Through this process I've told myself how I need to start an exercise routine.  Every night I pump myself up about how I'm going to get up early and go walking or go down to the really nice gym we have in our apartment club house.  I wake up at 5 am and have 2 hours before I even have to start to get ready for work but I chicken out.  I was able to lose the 130 lbs without exercise but now that I'm 1.5 years out I can eat more and I need to get into this habit so I don't gain my weight back (having already gained 10 lbs) 

My fear about excercise isn't anything to do with the actual work I just don't like to be in a vulunrable place by myself.  I have always had this fear of being kidnapped because once when I was about 8 years old I was. 

I was visiting my dad for the summer in New York and for what ever reason he let me go swimming by myself at this huge public pool. I got lost and asked a life guard to help me and he took me to this office and asked me some really inappropriate questions he was about to touch me and stuff but thank God through a door of this office we both saw a police officer way in the distance.  He threatened me if I told he'd find me and hurt me plus I was so ashamed to tell anyone (like I did something bad) so it was my secret for years. I had extreme anxiety attacks from that day on.  For a few years they'd would go away but when ever anything stressfull happened like my parents divorce or my dad's death it got really bad.  It was even to the point when I was 16 I dropped out of school for a year because I couldn't leave the house.  

I actually never even put the kidnapping together with the anxiety until my 20's when I moved from the small northeastern town in MN to the cities.  I was petrified to go anywhere with out my husband for many years.   Just until the last 3 -4 years I've made great progress but yet I won't go to a gym by myself or even walking around my neighborhood.  I live in a very safe place in Minnetonka but I'm so scared.  I love to be outdoors and would like nothing more than to go walking in the mornings but this fear keeps me trapped.

I don't want this to be the reason I gain weight back and want to take control of it.  I do see a counsleor but we really haven't touched on this issue with all the issues going on with my husband right now.  I've asked my husband to be my work out buddy but with his work schedule it just doesn't work.   I need to be able to do this on my own too and not depend on others.  

Does anyone have any advice or has anyone conquered a fear like this before?

 

Is it possible for you to buy a treadmill? Or some workout DVD's? That way you can exercise in your home.....

Kelly

I think your fear is completely validated, Kathy.

My initial reaction would be to stay in & exercise, too, but I think more importantly, we all have fears we have to overcome at some time in our lives.

Is a counselor able to help you through this? If not, perhaps a self-defense class or taking karate lessons or something like that would be beneficial. You would be getting your exercise in, you would be in a group setting, and you'd be learning tactics to deal with potential situations, should they arise.

The worst thing a person does when they violate another human is to say "don't tell". I always pray for victims that they have the strength to speak up because it is the ONLY thing that stops a predator! Perhaps you'll have the chance to be an advocate for other victims one day or someone will learn from your experience.

As you work through this, I will be praying for you, Kathy.

Yeah my thought too of working out home would be an answer but in ways I feel that is avoidin the real fear.   I think the self-defense class is a good idea.   I would then be in an enviroment with others who possibly have the same fears as me and learn ways to protect myself and get a work out. 

Kathy:

Your concerns about personal safety are legitimate, regardless of the fear and anxiety created by your unfortunate childhood incident.  My sister in law, who is now retired, spends her summers at their lake place in the north woods two doors down from our cabin.  Even out in the boonies she chooses to walk on her treadmill rather than gad about the woods like I do when I am up there.  When her daughter visits, she does get to walk outdoors (she is hesitant to walk with me because she is worried she won't be able to keep up, even though I have told her that I will walk at her pace), which she loves.  I will walk on the treadmill when the weather is bad, but I don't like it (I call it the road to nowhere, which doesn't help my attitude about it).  I guess my point is that you might consider trying to find a walking buddy, which makes things safer and provides a source of mutual support and encouragement.  When I ride my bike in the morning, there are several groups of women who walk together and they seem happier than the women walking alone.  Is there anyone from MG coffee that you could walk with early in the day?

Otherwise, your apartment gym seems like a good option for you.  If it helps your peace of mind, bring along a whistle or a small can of pepper spray that you can keep handy until you become more comfortable with the other people who use the gym at the same time you are there.  Another thought is for you to consider taking a self-defense class.  My daughters have both taken such a class and thought it was a worthwhile endeavor.  One of them used a technique she learned there on a young man she met at college who got overly aggressive on a date with her.  She is an introvert and I would bet that she isn't as strong as you are, either, so it seems to me that you might benefit from similar training.  What I am trying to say is that as your level of fitness, strength and physical self-confidence grows, you might become more willing to venture out and enjoy the outdoors like you want to do.

Good luck,

RP

Good responses so far. 

Try Curves (women only) exercise. 

Bring this up to your counselor.  It willl help. 

Look others in the eye,stand erect and believe in yourself, down cast eyes show fear. 

Look how far you've come already.

If I lived closer, I would walk with you.  Walking is more fun with a partner.  The time goes quickly while chatting.  I take my 2 lap dogs for walks with me.

Kathy, not for the same reasons but I have the issue of getting out there and doing anything.  I joined a wellness club 6 minutes walk from my house....6 minutes!  And then I bought a treadmill....nada

I don't know how to break down those barriers, but you aren't alone!