Depression (long)
Depression
Like some of you I have had periodic problems with depression. It has dogged me off and on for the past 20 years. For the first 10 months after my surgery I had only a few down days a month and none of them were truly debilitating. Taking care of myself for a change, both physically and emotionally, no doubt had a lot to do with that. However, I have had more and more of those down days over the past few months, including a few when I found it difficult to function, which scares me because I don’t ever want to go back to how I was in the past.
Stress tends to make any problems I have with depression more severe and last longer. I purposely put off dealing with relationship and job issues for the first year after surgery to minimize the likelihood that I would revert to old eating habits due to the stress of trying to make some significant changes in my life while I was still dealing with all the physical, emotional and social consequences of rapid weight loss. A few months back I went through a period of high stress, during which I turned to increased exercise rather than food for relief. Mostly it worked and I am more fit now than I have been for the past 20 years. Nevertheless, depression has been stalking me these past few months and I came to realize over the last few weeks that I have been both withdrawing from people and I have been more irritable here, at home, and at work. My recent behavior has not gone unnoticed, particularly at work, and the negative feedback I have received as a result has just added to my distress and pushed me further toward depression. Something has to change.
One of the things I have tried to do over the past year and a half to improve my own sense of wellness from day to day is to push away negative people and environments in my life. While work is, well, work and not fun and games, I have found that I need much more from my career than just money. I want to have a broader purpose, to receive occasional validation for my efforts and to feel appreciated to some degree. My current job has not addressed any of those emotional needs for a long time and I have decided that it is time to take action, to seek a greater sense of fulfillment from a part of my life that consumes so much of my time and energy.
So, the first thing I thought I should do is to acknowledge that I am struggling right now to fend off depression while I am attempting to make a job change and continuing to work on relationships in my personal life. It doesn’t help that the sort of job changes I am considering could significantly reduce my income, which is bound to impact relationships at home. Extra counseling has helped me face up to the challenges ahead of me, but I also think that I need to be more diligent and direct about seeking other forms of support along the way. My summer weekends have been overrun with family obligations and activities, so I haven’t been able to attend an MG coffee gathering for awhile and may not be able to do so again until the end of the summer. I have attended another support group meeting during the week, which helped, but I am still left with the feeling that I will need to lean harder on my OH friends in the weeks and months ahead than I ever have before. Somehow it seems much easier to offer support to others than to ask others for it, especially when my recent behavior has not been very endearing.
RP
I don't know if you're on any meds for depression, but if you are, it is possible that they are not absorbing as they once were, which could contribute to your depression. I know that whenever I have to take any meds, I struggle with absorption - to the point where I take liquid antibiotics or get shots so I get rid of ear infections, etc.
I will keep you in my prayers as you navigate the issues in your life! And good for you for posting and talking about it - a lot of people care about you and want to help!
God bless,
Renee
Renee:
Thank you for responding. I am not taking any anti-depressants right now. Even before surgery I found that they become ineffective for me after 3 or 4 months, so I only take them if I feel like I am in a deep hole. I am not in one right now, but I am worried about that possibility as I deal with some of the things that I have put off for awhile, so I will be vigilant abou****ching for the symptoms I experience just prior to my moods taking a serious nosedive. I am hoping that I can manage my way through the oncoming stress by exercising, getting some extra counseling and leaning on others for support. If those things aren't enough, I will pursue anti-depressants. I appreciate your reminder about absorption, too.
RP
You very well may be right, but I haven't really felt the need for them for several years.....which isn't to say that I didn't need them, but I can be kind of stubborn about the need for doctors and medication anyway....kind of ironic since I was willing to have major surgery to improve my health.
RP
I think the fact that you're conscious about your feelings helps this. It is your key to getting through and beyond these feelings!
Love ya!
Elena
Hey Rick,
I completely agree with Elena. The fact that you have acknowledge things is part of the battle. If you look at the big picture you have gone through a huge transformation in a very short period of time and it does take time for our minds to catch up with the body.
I personally went through a stage a pure anger. Pissed off at the world and it affected my relationships and work. I was very lucky that my family and friends did stick with me and supported me. I was laid off at the end of April (company downsizing) and although the lack of income it has turned out to be a positive experience. I have been able to step back, relax and make new challenges for myself.
Always remember that it is the journey and not the destination. We are group of people who are in this journey together and we can all sympathize with your struggles as many of us are faced with similar stories.
Good things happen to good people, and you are one of them.
Take care and remember you can always count on us for support!
Hugs,
Alana
