dating... and being asked out to dinner.. how to explain surgery?

So for those singles out there....

I was asked out this weekend and I'm really excited... BUT.. the never ending question is how do you tell someone "new" about your surgery.. and the eating limitations you have.

He works till 5 and wants to go out right after work and said he absolutely has to get something to eat... so of course he wants to take me out for dinner. Which I'm cool with but I feel I will need to provide some explanation why I am not drinking anything with my meal, or eating much, why I can't order an alcoholic drink with dinner, or why I can't eat popcorn at the movie... how do you handle this with a new person?

I've asked friends/coworkers (all non WLS people) and I've gotten about 50/50 response of tell him before hand vs don't tell him at all. I don't want to start out something new with someone by not telling them the truth or hiding it from them. I'm loud and proud about my decision and I haven't hid it from anyone yet...

Advice?

Well I'm WAY past the whole "dating" thing, but the only thought I have is - don't plan ahead of time, see how it goes.  If it comes up, then be ready to share IF you feel comfortable sharing at that point in time.  A lot of people are nervous on a first date, and won't eat/drink "normally". 

I guess if it was me, I'd be more in tune with whether or not there is potential for a second date, before I share something significant like my WLS. 

Good luck, and HAVE FUN!!!  You're too cute!!!

I'd tell him that you were hungry and had to eat something before meeting him. Then you should be good to go!

Yah but he's planning a "dinner" date... so that would be totally rude to go and eat something knowing that it's a dinner date.. if I told him that. I'm not one to make up stories or whatever, I want to be honest with him..  besides that I hate the idea that he wants to take me to a Kobe' japanese steakhouse which is spendy and then I can hardly eat anything..  I'd rather be upfront so he isn't like what the hell, why isn't this girl eating at this fantastic place? Is it me? or something.. hee hee   Not that Iw ouldn't mind mowing down a few scallops at this place... mmmm

I don't have much advice aside from suggesting maybe you should go somewhere not so spendy for dinner. That way you don't feel guilty about the $$ or feel the need to explain things if it turns out you'd rather not on the first date.  Do those places charge a flat rate for the meal, or could you order something small AND that you're able to tollerate at this point? Are you on solids? I forget.

Congrats on the date though, how exciting!

Thanks Darla!

Being newly single..... And a year and a half out from surgery.

When I was asked out for dinner, I ordered whatever it was that I knew I could tolerate. I've never been questioned about how much I eat. I simply said that I don't have much of an appetite, and I choose not to drink. Its only a first date. You don't have to explain your entire life on the first date. Simple answers is really all you will need IF the subject comes up.

If you have a second, third, or fourth date, perhaps at that time the topic may come up. For me, it never did. This is a medical thing. And most guys don't want to hear about medical stuff anyway!

Don't overthink it. Just go out and have fun. If it comes up, so be it. You will know what to do when and if you get there.

Good luck on your date! And have FUN!

Kelly

I, like you, were loud & proud of my surgery and the results I have had from it. It is totally up to you, but I have been upfront on all of my first dates with someone about it - just basic information - stating that I had surgery and am unable to eat much, can't drink, etc.  Most of them were cool with that, and didn't press it.  Some had other questions about it and I would then answer them truthfully...but not too detailed, unless they continued to ask.

Tell him as much as you want, but you don't have to explain anything to him if you don't want to...an "I am not comfortable talking about that at this point" should be enough of an answer.

Best of luck with your date, and by all means, relax & have FUN!

Thanks ladies!  I'm still feeling like this when I got asked! ha ha

My best guy friend just started dating a girl and when they went out to dinner she never said anything and he realized after a few dates that she never really ate anything. He asked her why and by then she explained she had surgery. He called me up and said wow!! I would have never guessed. He was totally cool with it ( I tell him everything and hes known me since 4th grade so he knows my weight issues and all about the surgery) He was 100% supportive about it and now they have been dating for 3 months.

I go out for work with strangers all the time and I always ask for a drink and never drink it. No one ever says anything. I always order something I know I can eat and take what I can't eat home. If someone asks, I tell them I had stomach surgery and don't eat much. Thats about it. If they ask more, I am open and tell them.

 

Also! Because you will most likely be sitting for a long time. Try to time yourself so you don't graze. Thats my biggest issue.

Good luck!!