Are Your Emotions Closer To The Surface Now?
I have been at or near my present weight for the past 6 months or so. For most of that time my emotions have been much closer to the surface than they were when I was bigger. Happiness, sadness, joy, despair, desire, compassion, etc., etc., etc. all seem ready and willing to show themselves whenever I see or experience something that evokes emotion. I am still slow to anger, thankfully, but all the rest seem to have been doused with accelerant. I have been allowing myself to feel everything rather than numb or distract myself with food, which has been one of the best outcomes of my WLS journey. I am rarely even tempted to eat for comfort any more.....words that I never imagined coming from me. By allowiing myself to feel things intensely and to let my resulting emotions show outwardly, there have been many days that I have had this surreal sensation of being me through and through, not just on the inside. That sense of wholeness or completeness has given me confidence to just be me. So what if I am occasionally a bit odd or eccentric! I choose to think of it as being a more interesting person. Even if others disagree with that premise, I am OK with it, and that is what really matters anyway.
Some of the people in my life are struggling to accept this rollercoaster of emotions that I am letting them see. I hope that, in time, they will get more comfortable with this more complete revelation of who I am, who I have always been on the inside, yet I will admit to being impatient with that process. I have been exercising a lot lately and sometimes I worry that my near obsession with that is a physical manifestation of me trying to outrun my growing impatience with people accepting me as I truly am rather than the dampened down version of me that they used to know. Meditation/relaxation techniques seem to help moderate my impatience, so I have been doing that as well. I think I need to consider adopting the mantra of "patience, jackass, patience".
Anyway, are your emotions nearer to the surface than they used to be? How do you deal with that, especially in the context of your relationships with your spouse/significant other, your family, and your friends?
RP
My emotions are at the surface and running wild.....
I'm dealing with it by, taking my depression medicine and going to counseling, and friends being there for me....Some women treat me different now that I lost the weight, I get snide looks and some mothers of my sons friends treat me different......It hurts and bothers me....And the male attention and looks are hard to deal with for me more so than my hubby, he prepared himself for this, I didn't, I don't see why I have men looking at me.....My hubby and I were at Cabela's this past weekend and he lost track of the looks I got, I don't get it....I guess I need some help on my self image....
My hubby and I are going to counseling, to get through all this crap.....So my only suggestion to you is marriage or family counseling.......It does help......
On a side note, Today is the 1st down day I've had since starting my depression medicine, I feel like I'm spinning out of control again.......Life is hard, with many obstacles. And I really don't know how to deal with all my emotions, needs and wants. I just have to take things day to day......
Good luck and try to be patient.......Make your marriage and family your #1 commitment...
Kelly
Kelly:
I am sorry to hear that you are having a down day today. When I have taken anti-depressants in the past, to use an analogy, they didn't keep me in the center of the road, they just kept me from being further in the ditch than I otherwise might have been. Shari (Jupiter 6) on the RNY board gave me some good advice last summer that sounds counterintuitive, but seemed to help me: when you feel down, rather than fight it, let it blow through you with all of its fury and might.....life sucks alot for a little while and then its over. Fighting the downward slope just drags the negative feelings out over a longer period of time and gives depression a better chance of latching on more tightly. I have a few really bad days now and then and not nearly so many just plain old crappy days like I used to have.
You can't do that much about how others choose to perceive you unless you want to dress in frumpy clothes and/or not go anywhere. That wouldn't be you and I think you first have to be true to yourself if you hope to eventually accept that you are now who you were meant to be. One thing that made me truly uncomfortable (to the point of experiencing anxiety just thinking about it) , but has helped me with acceptance of how I look in the eyes of other people, was to dress in a way that I wanted to and then closely watching people's reactions to me. Wearing a tank top when I go on my lunch time walks or evening bike rides (when it is warm enough) is a good example: some people stared or made whispered comments when I walked past them...it made me sick to my stomach to have people look at me and not look away immediately. After a week or more of observing those reactions, those looks stopped making me feel self-conscious. Apparently some people like to look at me, regardless of how I look at or feel about myself, and I simply accepted that fact.
Unfortunately, people do make judgements about you due to how you look, how you dress and how you carry yourself. You are not invisible to them any more; they inspect you like you are a piece of meat sometimes and make assumptions about who you are based on that. Because you are no longer socially invisible, some of those assumptions and judgements won't be positive or even remotely accurate. Again, you can't change that, but if you work toward accepting that you are visible these days and that most people will like what they now see, you can begin to accept yourself as being different than you used to be, but still OK and, in all likelihood, better.
Thank you, also, for encouraging me to be patient with the people in my life. I know in my heart that I need to do that and not let my careening emotions drive them away.
Take care,
RP
I'm definitly letting it blow through me today, it's got me spinning and my mind and feelings at a loss.....
Somedays are just harder than others......I've actually thought about dressing in frumpy clothes, but it's just not me....I love being able to wear what I want now, instead of tents....Your right, I can't control what others think.....But it still bothers me, in TIME......
Everything is in TIME......I'm not a patient person.....TIME to me is never......
Kelly
Time does seem to stretch to infinity when you are hurting or confused. I have used mindfulness to bring awareness of the good things in my life to the forefront of my mind when I get like that. Some days I I have had to do that repeatedly to help bridge me to a better place. If that doesn't wotk, there is alway the sit and spin method with my middle digits raised.....sometimes the spinning stops and my discontent is more acutely focused on a particular person or cir****tance. Anyway, you know that tomorrow is likely to be a better day. Go with that thought and it just might turn out to be true.
RP
