"We Are AllJust Prisoners Here of Our Own Device"

rickpete
on 6/24/09 6:05 am, edited 6/24/09 6:07 am - Elk River, MN

“We Are All Just Prisoners Here of Our Own Device"  

 

One of my favorite songs is “Hotel California" by the Eagles because it is mysterious and more than a bit haunting.  The title of this post is a line from that song and it reflects an attitude or way of thinking that I am trying to put behind me.  You see, I have been the prisoner of my own self-doubt, my own fear of truly seeing and feeling who I am and what I need so I can be the man I see in the mirror these days and, conversely, not be the much larger and unhappy guy I used to be.

 

For most of my life the only real expectation I had of myself was to be liked by people, to be the one they could rely on, even if they sometimes treated me with little respect or affection in return.  No matter what I wanted or needed from others, I didn’t really feel like I deserved much from them.  This sad cir****tance applied to both my personal relationships and the ones in my professional life as well.

 

A few months ago I experienced, for want of a better term, a personal awakening that has allowed me to see that I need to have higher expectations of myself and of the other people in my life in order to find myself and to claim my place in the world as myself and not as a collection of what other people expect of me.  As you might imagine, staking out new territory in relationships is not always greeted with open arms…..or open minds…..or open hearts.  Redefining a relationship in any meaningful way is not about toying with its fringes, but rather it is about tearing out its center seam and re-establishing it in a different place.  Not easy.  Not fun.  Not guaranteed to produce the results you want or need. 

 

Some relationships won’t survive your attempts to change them if the other person holds too tightly for their need to control.  That is especially true for work relationships, but it can also be true of marriages and friendships.  Some relationships will eventually evolve and grow into more of what you need if love and/or respect are its central tenets.  The trick, of course, is to be able to recognize what is really driving the other person or people.  For that I think you have to look at their actions over time and not what words come out of their mouths. 

 

At present anyway, I fully expect to take a different direction with my career in the next year.  On the other hand, lately I have renewed hope that my personal relationships can evolve for the better given enough time and patience.  I don’t want to be the prisoner of my own device any longer.  I just have to remember to heed my own advice and act with love and respect along the way, for myself as well as for the other people involved in my life.

 

RP

(deactivated member)
on 6/24/09 6:28 am - Clear Lake, MN
RP,

Good luck to you in your new direction for your career......And good luck to you in your personal relationships......I hope everything works out.......

Kelly

Yelena K.
on 6/24/09 10:18 am - Plymouth, MN
I'm right there with ya! Love that song too by the way.

2019: 11 years out and maintaining a loss of 150lbs.

Follow me:

www.morethanmyweight.com

www.facebook.com/morethanmyweight

www.youtube.com/morethanmyweight

Lorri K.
on 6/24/09 1:05 pm - Elk River, MN
I also love the Eagles and Hotel California brings me back to the late 70's at the Met staduim when Eagles, Publo Cruz, Steve Miller were there. Oh the memories...............................
On the rest of your post, you continue to amaze me with your insight!

Lorri
    

Darla S.
on 6/24/09 11:45 pm - Maple Grove, MN
Never really looked at that song in a thoughtful way before.  But I love the Eagles, love Hotel California.  Reminds me of a drunken night at a karaoke bar, tho.  In a snowstorm.... I think....


  Imperfect does not = unsuccessful

Mary M.
on 6/25/09 1:44 am - Minneapolis, MN
I, too, love the song.  "We are all just prisoners here of our own device."  What a great line!  I am a prisoner of my weight.  I'm pre-op, as you all call it.  I am meeting with the surgeon on July 9, and hopefully getting a date soon after that.  I'm tired of everything my weight has held me back from.  We'll see about career changes.  I  have accepted jobs beneath my skill and education level for the security and because of my weight.  It will be my time after I lose the weight!  Yay.

I'm impressed with your resolve, RP.  I learned long ago that "People treat us the way we train them to treat us."  That was from a training course I took years ago.  Really is true.    You're "re-training" some folks won't be easy, but the good ones will hang in there with you and become wonderful friends!

All the best.  Mary
Most Active
Recent Topics
Valleyfair
kimtree · 0 replies · 1753 views
All In The Family
Darla S. · 1 replies · 1337 views
Any feedback on Park Nicollet?
SNCplus2 · 0 replies · 2822 views
10+ years out -
Darla S. · 2 replies · 2837 views
×