What to do now?

I just discovered my husband really is not supportive of my having the surgery.  I should rephrase that, he will support me in my choice- but really does not want me to do it.

I've done every part of my responsibility prior to getting authorized...now I have the next five months to wait out my bcbs requirement.  He would like me to try to lose the weight on my own in tht time period...(not all of it, he just means maybe find something that will work for me before doing surgery)

Im sort of torn.  I am proceeding ahead with all of the things I am doing to prepare for surgery...and it doesn't really change anything to get involved with another program since I have to lose weight anyway.  (I have to lose ten lbs and I've lost 4).

Anyone experience something like this and how do you handle your spouses feelings?  How much did you take them in to account?

the only thing I can think of is involve him as much as possible.  Have him go to support groups, talk to other spouses...other men, even patients - just to get the male point of view.

keep on with your program, you never know, by the time you have worked through the requirements, he might be more supportive.

Oh, can you both go and see the Dr who did your psych eval, or other counselor? IMO. you are going to need his support after the surgery and you don't don't want him to sabotage you.

good luck!

why do u have to wait 5months???  i have bcbs and waited a week for approval -
i know the feeling ;(
im 28 yrs old - my mother doesnt support me at all in my decision and that makes it soo hard - she wont even take me to my surgery next monday b/c she is that against it - but thisis something we are doing for ourselves - for our health and well being -
as much as your spouses/loved ones opinons matter you have to get healthy for you - no one else.

My DH encouraged me for 2 years to have WLS, then when I finally decided I was ready for my self, he got nervous and started saying "no, you can do it on your own". I just kept from getting frustrated with him realizing he was nervous about it. After all, I had never had surgery before in my life, so we were both a little nervous about all of that.

Now? Oh my gosh! He'd tell you he was sorry he got nervous on me. He sees the weight coming off, he sees how my health has already improved, etc. and he's very supportive.

As for what HappyGirl posted above, I also invited my DH to info sessions, surgeon appts, etc. and he did attend one of the info sessions with me to better understand my surgery and meet my surgeon. But, he wasn't interested in more than that. Also, he still eats his chips and donuts, but now that I'm losing the weight, he sees he could also stand to lose about 40 pounds, so he has gotten better about his eating as well.

Just stay the course!!!

Very similar with my dh...they sound like kind of the same guy!  Dh wasn't encouraging me to have the surgery, but seemed to be very on board with me.  I do think he's scared.  I would feel the same way if here were having a surgery...

I should probably clarify...I am in no way complaining about my husband.  It's really more about dealing with him and helping him be okay with it too.  Reality is, it's a huge impact on his life as well- so I do need and want him to be okay with it. 



Neither of us are big in person support group people.  If I get to a couple of groups, that will be good...but I would neither ask or expect him to do it that way because it's just not who he is.

to answer the fiv emonth question...My bcbs requires six months of a supervised diet first.  I've finished one month.,

I have no words of wisdom for your hubby's support or lack thereof, other than to keep him involved in the whole process, knowing you don't HAVE to go through with it at the end of your 6 months if you find you're able to lose weight on your own.  Stats are not in your favor, unfortunately.

I'm responding to your comment about not being support group people...   Following WLS, support is CRUCIAL to your success.  Studies have indicated that people who participate in some form of support are much more successful in the amount of weight lost, as well as keeping it off long-term.  You might consider making that a committment to yourself, to your success, if you do follow through with WLS.

I have two friends who took the leap of WLS several years before I ever even considered it.  Neither of them ever lost nearly what they had hoped to, and both have experienced re-gain, one of them SIGNIFICANT re-gain.  They have both expressed their admiration and jealousy of my success, and I've TRIED to encourage them to get involved in a coffee get-together or a support group meeting, but so far, no luck.   I participate as much as I can.  It IS important to keep your WLS a priority, because it IS possible to gain it back.  Surrounding yourself with people who GET IT is one of the best ways to stay on track.

Best of luck to you!!

My husband was the exact same.  He went to all the info sessions with me (we went to 3 different program info sessions before deciding to go with fairview.)  He kept hearing the negatives, and focused on them.  He was worried I could die or experience complications, and really focused on that.  He did say he would support me, but he would have preferred I not do it. 

Now that he sees all the positives, he is happy for me, and is starting to watch his own health more closely.  As long as you have his support, I would bet that your husband will come around as long as you keep discussing it and openly sharing your feelings.  Best wishes to you as you move through this process!

My husband has encouraged me with whatever it is I am doing, but this surgery was a bit different, it wasn't just going in and fixing a problem, this was going to change my looks, appearance and maybe even my attitude. He was a bit worried about that. Actually he was ALOT worried about me changing so much that I wouldn't want to be married to him anymore. After alot of reassurance he was ok w/ everything, but maybe there is an underlying issue that your husband is worried about. Keep him involved as much as you can, that will help.  Good luck!!!