OK, So I Think I AM Nuts

OK, So I Think I AM Nuts

Today finds me absolutely thrumming with energy.....creative energy, physical energy, and verbal energy.  I feel more confident than usual.  I am having trouble sitting still.  Sleeping 3 or 4 hours a night is more than enough right now.  My mind is full of ideas waiting to burst out of my mouth.  It was just a few days ago that I finally started to emerge from the irascible funk I had been in for 3 weeks.  I have sporadically experienced clinical depression in the past as well as periods similar to the one I seem to be entering into now when I get much more done and I am far more creative than usual.  Such is the pattern of my emotional life. 

As near as I can tell, this emotional pattern is symptomatic of cyclothymia, which is the most mild version of bipolar disorder.  It apparently affects less than 1 % of the population.  A number of famously creative people, such as Abraham Lincoln, Winston Churchill, Samuel Clemens (Mark Twain), Charles Dickens, William Faulkner, and Syd Barrett (from Pink Floyd) are thought to have been cyclothymic.  People like me can be hard to live with because you never know which Rick you are going to experience from day to day.  I could be quiet and withdrawn, restless and irritable, happy and creative, or especially frisky.

Over the years I have worked very hard to project outward calm no matter what is going on inside me.  I used to use food as a crutch to accomplish that.  In my larger past, I would eat for comfort when I was feeling down and I would eat when I needed something to do to handle excess energy levels like I am experiencing today.  That behavior not only made me fatter, but it also left most of the important people in my life not truly knowing or understanding the real oversensitive, emotional me.  Since I am not using food as a crutch any more and I am scared to death of developing transfer addictions, I have been letting the ebb and flow of my moods show at home, at work and, increasingly, with friends.  Reactions have been mixed...from dismay or alarm when I am feeling down to being charmed or pleased when I am on the upswing.  Those closest to me seem the most confused by it all.

I plan to continue to let my emotions and moods show instead of bottling them up or trying to make myself feel better by eating or using some other addictive substance.  I am more than a little worried about how that will affect the important relationships in my life, but I am determined to no longer be the fat, unhappy, unhealthy guy I used to be.  Instead I will admit that I think I am a little nuts and those around me will have to live with that uncomfortable fact.

RP

Kelly:

I am glad to hear that you are determined to get back on track by taking care of yourself.  Through this whole, crazy WLS process I have learned that I have to take care of myself physically and emotionally if I want to survive and thrive as a thinner person.  I know that I have gone overboard on exercise sometimes and that isn't always fair to everyone in my life.  Finding the right balance seems to be the challenge here.  I guess I would rather err on the side of being a little selfish and healthy than any other alternative until I can figure out something that works better, if such a thing exists.

One of my colleagues at work has a second home in Lanesboro within yards of the bike trail down there.  The trails down there sound fantastic, especially in the fall.  I hope you can find a way to enjoy them soon.

Take care,

RP

P.S.  Um.....I am no better than you.  We all have our challenges in trying to maintain our health.  I think my greatest one will be to stay between the ditches as my moods crash through my life.  You hang in there, too.