I have revised the following post that I had deleted a few weeks ago because some found the original version to be too distressing and some replies posed questions that I didn't want to answer on a public forum in the frame of mind I was in at the time.  It was and is intended as a message of hope to myself and others on this WLS journey.  Please let me know what you think of it.

Lost and Found

 

I have come to realize just how lost I was in the years ahead of my WLS journey.  I didn’t take care of myself, physically or emotionally.  I didn’t know myself.  I didn’t truly believe in myself and, most importantly, I didn’t know what I needed to feel whole.  By whole I mean not fractured or weakened by self-doubt, shame or fear of what others might think of the inner me.  Good fortune smiled on me with regard to the physical aspects of taking the weight off without suffering any debilitating complications, for which I am thankful.  The emotional part of this journey, though, has been both more challenging and more rewarding than I ever thought possible. 

 

Nearly a year after surgery I find myself to be restless, eager to explore, and perplexed that I was unaware for so long about what I wanted and needed emotionally and physically.  Some of my fellow travelers on this journey have taught me to engage more fully in life, to feel more whole and accepting of myself, and I am profoundly grateful for their caring and friendship.  I still worry about how to make sense of it all and what impacts the decisions I make will have on the important people in my life.  For now, I guess I am relieved to have a better understanding of what I truly need.   I am happy to be on this internal journey, no matter how uncertain my life seems right now, because there is joy in self-discovery.  When I screw up along the way, I know that I have WLS friends who will catch me before I fall too far.  There is great comfort in that.  I feel like I once was lost and now I am almost found.  Who could have imagined that for a wretch like me?

 

RP

I agree with you in alot of that, I have been struggling with life so much in the last 10 or so years, and it is nice to know how much friends mean to you, even if it not a face to face friendship.  I try to just take one day at a time, but that is so much easier said than done isn't it??  Just take a deep breath and possitive affirmations, that is so what I try to do alot during the day.  As they say "Life is a journey"  I just have to pack my bags for that journey...lol

RP,

As always your words are like so many of ours........Great post.....And would you PLEASE write a book......You could help so many people on this journey......

Kelly

Kelly:

Thank you for your kind words and all of the encouragement you have given me.  I have actually started on the book idea.  I have written an introductory chapter and developed an outline for the book that incorporates the themes contained in my various posts.  A couple of people are reviewing those right now, along with copies of some of my previous posts and I have asked them to give me a blunt assessment of those things as the basis for a book about my WLS journey, especially the emotional part.  Their initial reactions have been very  positive, so I will continue to work on it over the summer.

Take care,

RP

RP -

I can't find the words like you can...but I so very much so appreciate reading your posts.  They offer such great insight to an area that I believe many of us either have, are or will be struggling with.

THANK YOU!  Keep the posts coming....