Does Your Spouse Resent Time Spent on OH?
I'm glad I'm not married or involved in a committed relationship of any sort! I feel for all of you that must work so hard with others in this life change. I can't see how my surgery will affect anybody in my life but me...except my dog who has been getting and will be getting even more exercise! ---Sue
WestieMom
I love where JaySal was going with this...
Rick - none of us can help you over this hurdle you are experiencing with your wife, but I'll share my experience, though I'm not sure it will help a whole lot.
When I started posting on OH and going to coffee groups and other OH events, etc., my DH was like "why do you need all this interaction or support, or whatever it is...you've always got to be involved with a "group" of some sort". So I explained why this group was beneficial and what attracted me to it. And after a while, he agreed. It was a great place to learn and explore the WLS options and ways of life after surgery, etc.
And yes, I do need my "groups". I love people. I'm a people person. And he knows that and can appreciate that about me. And basically what happened was the more weight I gained, the more sheltered I became, as the depression grew, and I just gave up basically. I didn't want to be around people anymore because I hated the way I looked and felt. But now that health is being restored and the depression is under control, I feel better physically and mentally and can join my peeps again. But, I'm also learning that in some ways, it was me running from certain issues and so I had to work on this to realize whether or not the time spent online or at an event was going to be beneficial to me and it wasn't me just running.
But where a public message board gets dicey for me is when you start flirting with other members, or with regard to OH, posting to certain forums. There's one forum in particular on OH that I just will never post to. I may visit to be quite honest as sometimes there are very good topics posted there, but I would never post there, nor would I post pictures on a certain day of the week. And I've shown my DH that board. We both agreed it's not where our marriage comfort level is because we feel you're just flirting with danger there. You're asking for comments to boost your self-esteem, but it is just temporary. The comments may make you feel emotionally better, but over time, are they going to sustain you? Those are things we talked about. But please know that is OUR view and does not have to be shared.
And I always respect the marriage/relationship first and foremost, so I really hope that you and your wife are able to work through this and if not, then you're able to secure an amicable agreement towards happiness for each of you. Because nobody deserves to be in a marriage that is without happiness, appreciation, and love in my book. Only you know the answers with regard to your own marriage. I pray for your peace while you go through this.
Rick - none of us can help you over this hurdle you are experiencing with your wife, but I'll share my experience, though I'm not sure it will help a whole lot.
When I started posting on OH and going to coffee groups and other OH events, etc., my DH was like "why do you need all this interaction or support, or whatever it is...you've always got to be involved with a "group" of some sort". So I explained why this group was beneficial and what attracted me to it. And after a while, he agreed. It was a great place to learn and explore the WLS options and ways of life after surgery, etc.
And yes, I do need my "groups". I love people. I'm a people person. And he knows that and can appreciate that about me. And basically what happened was the more weight I gained, the more sheltered I became, as the depression grew, and I just gave up basically. I didn't want to be around people anymore because I hated the way I looked and felt. But now that health is being restored and the depression is under control, I feel better physically and mentally and can join my peeps again. But, I'm also learning that in some ways, it was me running from certain issues and so I had to work on this to realize whether or not the time spent online or at an event was going to be beneficial to me and it wasn't me just running.
But where a public message board gets dicey for me is when you start flirting with other members, or with regard to OH, posting to certain forums. There's one forum in particular on OH that I just will never post to. I may visit to be quite honest as sometimes there are very good topics posted there, but I would never post there, nor would I post pictures on a certain day of the week. And I've shown my DH that board. We both agreed it's not where our marriage comfort level is because we feel you're just flirting with danger there. You're asking for comments to boost your self-esteem, but it is just temporary. The comments may make you feel emotionally better, but over time, are they going to sustain you? Those are things we talked about. But please know that is OUR view and does not have to be shared.
And I always respect the marriage/relationship first and foremost, so I really hope that you and your wife are able to work through this and if not, then you're able to secure an amicable agreement towards happiness for each of you. Because nobody deserves to be in a marriage that is without happiness, appreciation, and love in my book. Only you know the answers with regard to your own marriage. I pray for your peace while you go through this.
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