Mindfulness And the Art of Attempting to Enjoy Life

 

As I have noted here before, I have seen a bariatric psychologist once a month since before surgery because I was worried about reoccurrence of the depression problems I have had for the past 20 years.  So far that hasn’t been a significant issue for me, but I still worry about it all the time.  Going to the therapist has been quite helpful in other ways, however.  Before surgery my therapist introduced me to the concept of mindfulness, which to me is mostly about learning to really savor the experiences I have with food, with physical things I do and interactions I have with other people.  Rather than trying to numb my emotions with mass quantities of food, I try to really enjoy the flavor and texture of the smaller portions and healthier food choices I have been making.  Rather than mope in front of the television all the time, I focus on how my muscles and lungs feel while I exercise.  Rather than worry about what people think of me and mistakes I have made in the past, I try to enjoy each moment spent with people I like and care about.  Mindfulness is a simple concept, but it takes some effort to concentrate on the positive in a series of moments when other aspects of your life are stressful, disheartening, or when they just plain old **** you off.

 

I haven’t experienced significant depression problems since surgery almost a year ago, but I have felt its pull.  Anyone who has had problems with depression knows how that feels.  Going to support groups and therapy sessions have helped me regain traction every few weeks when I do feel that familiar pull, but mindfulness has actually helped me more on a moment-to-moment and day to day basis.  I have made food mistakes.  I have found myself eating for comfort rather than sustenance.  I have watched feel-good movies in a fruitless effort to feel better.  I have acted selfishly toward other people.  I used to dwell on such shortcomings when I felt down and actually accelerated my way into depression as a result.  Using the concept of mindfulness I have learned to focus on the moment I am in where I can make better choices than I made in the past moment.  Focusing on the positive over a series of moments really seems to help when the slope toward depression is particularly steep.

 

 You may be wondering about what specific things run through my head when those critical moments occur.  With food I think about whether I am actually enjoying what I am eating and, if so, what is it about that food that I particularly like.  If I am going to eat a cookie, I chew each bite slowly and let it sit in my mouth for a moment, especially if the flavor or texture is outstanding.  I enjoy the hell out of that cookie, but then I am done, satisfied that could enjoy such a treat without too much guilt.

 

Exercise seems to help enormously when I am feeling down.  There is a lot of data out there about the physiological effects of exercise, including the flood of endorphins that some people experience.   All I know is that I find joy in the sunlight reflecting off a lake I am walking past, the strain of my leg muscles when I ride my bike, the redolent air when I walk in the woods, the dainty kiss of mist off waterfalls, the trill of birds in the trees,  the feel of wind in my hair and the list goes on.  The point is that I seek those brief moments of enjoyment rather than dwell on my troubles and concerns.  As a result, I almost always feel better emotionally after I exercise than when I started.

 

When I was larger, I always felt like I was being judged harshly by other people, particularly those close to me.  Much of the time I am sure that feeling was my own self-doubt at work.  I worried so much about what people thought of me that I didn’t really embrace the wonderful people I do have in my life.  Since surgery, I have made a real effort to disengage from negative and controlling people.  Some of those people were close to me in the past.  Obviously, you can’t do that entirely with most people, but you can at least limit your exposure to them.  With people I do like, I try to focus on everything I like about them, whether it is their smile, their voice, their kindness, how they look, or what they are saying.  I suppose that sometimes I look a little zoned out when I am doing that, but really I am savoring the moment(s) I have with them, however fleeting they might be. 

 

There is a lot of information about mindfulness and meditation out there, especially on the internet.  What I have written about here is but a mere scratch on the surface, but even my very limited experience with it has helped me a great deal. One book I can recommend for learning about mindfulness and simple meditation is Full Catastrophe Living by Jon Kabat-Zinn.

I can't tell you how much I appreciate your book recommendation - Mindless eating has been my worst issue since WLS - not hunger, not cravings, just mindlessly putting convenient things in my piehole without thought for whether or not I even want or need that thing.   And lately, I've rediscovered my love of reading - so I'll be looking for this book in an attempt to tie my love of reading to my issue with mindless munching!

Thanks, Rick!!

Here's a first for me.  I have been a lurker for a while.  Just needed to add my 2 cents worth.  I enjoyed reading this post.  It reminded me of things that I learned when I attended a group session on mindfullness several years ago.  I need to apply mindfullness to my life.   Thank you for the reminder.

Hi Rick,

Great post as usual.  This sentence really rings home with me and should be considered by all of us WLS folks:  "Rather than trying to numb my emotions with mass quantities of food, I try to really enjoy the flavor and texture of the smaller portions and healthier food choices I have been making." 

Ever since my surgery, I try to focus on the QUALITY and not the QUANTITY of food.  I don't look to get my money's worth any more.  I will spend more on a really good restaurant meal and take home the leftovers rather than try and get a kid's meal or get pissed about having to pay full price at a buffet.  Most buffets are really so-so if you get right down to it. (Unless you're talking about the Jax Cafe Easter Brunch!)

Anyway - you just have to be mindful of what you are doing and re-train your brain a bit.  Everyone should know that we all deserve a quality meal and we don't have to get a "Champps" size portion in order to get our money's worth.  It's that attitude of monster portions that contributed to our morbid obesity in the first place.

Keep us thinking Rick!

Great words of wisdom Rick. Before the band I saw a psychologist that talked a lot of mindfulness. I agree so much with this concept. I will pick up the book you recommend, it sounds like a good read.

Thanks for posting this Rick! Loved it!!
 I look forward to reading the book. I can totally relate to mindless eating. Mostly in the past. I have done fairly well since surgery, but  lately  had a few instances that concern me. I promised myself before surgery that if I begin to see any signs of going backwards in this process, I would seek help immediately. This book sounds like a good start. Thanks again.
 Big hug~ Natalie