Sporadic At Best

 

I have been absent here for a couple of weeks.  For awhile, at least, I expect my future participation on OH to be sporadic at best.  No one seriously offended me.  My Mother-In-Law’s passing last week was not a factor in my absence (and I do truly appreciate all the condolences from people here).  Worries about friends have not kept me away.  I am not depressed as far as I can tell.  I have, however, been running on a lean mixture of charm.  That is, I feel restless, agitated, conflicted, and unwilling to suffer fools gladly.

 

In a previous post I owned up to being an emotional, over-sensitive guy.  I guess that makes me a moody person who used to numb negative feelings and emotions with food.  That is no longer the case.  I am still moody and thus hard to live with or to be around sometimes, but I have been working through this current negative frame of mind with introspection and exercise, both of which seem to be helping.  This past week, for example, I walked more than 30 miles and biked for another 60+ miles.  My weight is unchanged, although people tell me I look thinner.  I feel great physically and, other than more or less looking at the world through my asshole (temporarily), I am on firm ground emotionally. 

 

When I feel like this, I tend to disengage from people because I don’t want to live with regret about what I might have to say to them.  OH is a supportive environment and I don’t want to detract from that.  We need to treat one another gently here.  I am not presently feeling that way.  Until I am, as my stoic Norwegian grandmother used to say, “I’ll be fine".

 

RP

You sound alot like I've been feeling. *****y wouldn't begin to describe it.  My standard answer lately to family asking how things are, how I am, etc are "fine" PERIOD.  Most conversations have a one word answer from me.  Lately, I am short tempered, angry, easily set off, rude, impatient, and any other not so nice adjectives you can think of.  Not how I want to act or feel at all.

For me, I think it's time for a medication increase, I can't stand feeling this way and being hurtful to those I love.  These feelings were horrific last week and I was hopeful that it was just a bad case of PMS, but it wasn't.  I've forewarned everyone in my family that I'm feeling this way and have apologized in advance for any uncaring words & actions that are sure to arise until I get leveled out emotionally.

Now if I could just spend my spare time like you, exercising, I'd be better at least.  Am going to have to work on that, I've been slacking lately.

Kristy:

I very much want to survive and thrive as the thinner person I am now.  Part of that is learning how to manage my moodiness without going back to old food-related behaviors.  Moody people are very hard to live with and I realize that I have to get a better handle on things if I want to have any sort of relationship with the important people in my life.  The thing is, though, that it is not just me who has to learn how to adapt to this moodier self.  While I have to work hard to not let my moodiness get away from me, the important people in my life have to learn how to treat me differently, too. Not an easy or comfortable transition.   I don't know about you, but I have always sheltered my moodiness as best I could from everyone else.   Some of the people in my life can't really stand it when I am being more true to myself, including this moodiness.   I am willing to live with the consequences of that because I can't afford to go back to how I was.

RP

hmmmmmmmmmmm sometimes when we slip back or stay in the background, it's easier to slip back, only you know what's best for you, but please don't think you could ever offend me, lol it ain't gonna happen, i can ***** slap with the best of ya

Well that's just sad.  Isn't this a support group?  Shouldn't we support each other through thick and thin?  From what I'm seeing.  No.  Sometimes I think it's a blow sunshine up your but board.  God forbid you say something that someone doesn't want to hear.  I really believe in support, even if it hurts.  I'm not saying you should be hurtful or rude to someone.  If that was the case, I'd SLAM some of the people here for the choices they're making.

Everyone knows....the surgery is on my stomach, not your head.  But will be support what's going on with our heads?  Or is it just recipes and tips for the stomach.  Isn't support for the reasons we got fat in the first place?  Where should we go for that support, if not on the board???

I'm going to go out on a limb and say...I think when we were fat, we turned inside, away from people) and ate to make ourselves feel better,when things bothered us, well, we're still turning inside and drawing away from those who want to help us.  We may not be eating, or we may, but we're walking away from those who should be supporting us.

Rick, you need to do what you feel best for yourself, but you have so many really good friends here that would help you.  Reach out to the ones you truely trust.

Please note, I did say WE, because I do the same thing...draw away for fear I'll rip someone a new but hole.  And history shows....you say something someone doesn't like and poof, they and all their wisdom and support is gone.

With respect and hugs,
Edi

Edi:

I am not mad or upset with anyone......I just haven't been fit company of late and I know it.  I have sought out support at coffee gatherings and via counseling, which have both helped.  Even with the mood I have been in, I don't think I could be judgmental about anyone here......one who lives in a glass house shouldn't throw stones.  As far as I am concerned, this is just an ugly part of the path to self-acceptance I have been working on the past few months.  Things will work out in time.  The reason I posted today is that I have received a number of inquiries about my absence here and I didn't want anyone wondering if I was mad at them or having some emotional problems.  My own family has asked me if I am having depression problems and I am not...I am just letting my moodiness show a lot more than I have in the past.

Thank you for your concern about me, but I am actually doing OK, if just more than a bit restless.

RP

When I get 'that way', I wish that I had the ability to
CUT THE CORD THAT CONNECTS MY EYEBALLS AND A$$HOLE AND THEREFORE GIVE ME THAT ****TY OUTLOOK ON LIFE.
But I don't normally have that ability...
I believe that some things just take time to work through.
Best of luck to you! 

Optical rectitus is a horrible condition, I agree, but it will pass soon enough.

Thanks for the well wishes.

RP,

I too left the boards a few weeks ago....Due to personal issues.... I have not posted, and haven't really lurked that much until today.....But reading your post, I had to respond.....

This board needs you.....IMHO

Now back to lurker mode......Kelly

Kelly:

Thank you for your kind opinion.

Take care,

RP