What do all you HOTTIES do when

Guys oogle at you? I think I've got a bit of fear hidden way back in the brain that I don't want people staring at me, even if it's in a more comlimentary way. (read-cause they think I'm hot) I see how some men look at some women, and well eventually I'm going to be one of those attractive, in shape types myself and I don't want to be approached or looked at. Does/did anyone feel like that after losing their weight? Do you just get over it? I mean, even fat, I sometimes get men looking at me in a positive way, and I don't like it. It makes me nervous. Even if it's just a friendly smile or gesture. It's very hard to grasp, it's shouldn't be that way. I have a feeling this will be something major I'm going to need to talk to the therapist about after surgery, once I've lost a nice chunk. Just wondering how you girls who have really slimmed down are feeling about positive looks these days.

I am glad you posted about this. I have this issue too but have been too embarrassed to post about it. I have started getting hit on more and it freaks the hell out of me... I just nervously laugh and basically RUN!!!!

I, too, think I will need a therapist...lol. I guess maybe after some time you just get used to it... I hope.

I believe every individual will have different thoughts.  I actually feel much more vulnerable since being at goal over a year now.At first it was such a weird feeling, having guys open doors, **** an eyebrow, smile. However, it then because amusing, then fun --all along, I say 'thank you--chivalry lives!'  Gratefully, the psychologist who I'd been seeing eighteen months prior to GP recommending WLS, I told her, and she replied 'that's my specialty'.  Whew!  By then we'd established solid professional relationship, and around the time closer to surgery, saw her weekly for two months.  Learned a lot of behavior modification in accepting the ever-shrinking body, head hunger, brain always seemed to defy positive groundwork.  Now, it's on as-needed basis, going out as far as once monthly.  I highly recommend everyone pursuing WLS get into therapy with a licensed psychologist sooner rather than later.  So many head issues to overcome.  Remember, the surgeons operate rearranging our stomachs and intestines, not our brains.  Best wishes to you hon!  Hugs, Patti

Imagine being in a group and being pushed forward infront of everyone naked.  Thats how it feels.
Yes you are going to get looks..... you will get lots of doors opened for you and perhaps even hit on.  Your brain has been in hibernation and eyes down for so long that you trained yourself to know you wouldnt be noticed or didnt deserve it.

BUT yes you get past it.... my approach was sorta angry.  Not outwardly but more of " Of course you should look and get my door"  and the annoyance from the fact that less than a year ago they would have let the door smack me in the face.  So in my head I was like.... dude get up and get that door then look at me but dont think you can even talk to me.
Sounds harsh but I was abit mad about being treated as such a second class citizen.. but now I I say Thank you.... NO thank you!  LOL etc.
And it does feel good..

Hope this helps
Hugs

Hi everyone from the hot, sunny shores of Florida. I have a harder time with the way other WOMEN treat me than men. It gets entertaining after a bit the way men act. I just realized that hey, I do look better now. I look healthy, which is why I did this surgery. Of course people are going to notice you looking healthy. But women are a different thing. I am most upset about the way I am now treated when I go into a clothing store, or the gym. When I was heavy, I would go into clothing stores, and I would not even be acknowledged. Now, I go into them, and I have three or four people waiting on me, or if I step out of a dressing room, telling me how amazing I look. I will have people tell me, oh, you aren't going to eat any sweets, why, you are so skinny. SO I tell them flat out, no, I am healthy, I was 270 pounds  a year ago, and believe me, if I could, I would eat the sweets. When they hear how heavy I used to be, I get the strangest looks. I am proud about having surgery. I don't hide that I did it, and I am finally getting to the point that I don't care what they think about me having it. I did it for me. I have yet to have a nasty comment,to my face, other than, well you don't look like you were big enough to have surgery. Well, DUH, if I still did, then the surgery would have been unsuccessful. Lol.

Ya know you really brought up a good point... women are nastier to me now and I get mean vibes from some. 

Now IM gonna think about that LOL

My apologies if this posts twice.  I'm computer stupid this morning.

I have really been struggling with this issue quite a bit.  I was always the one left holding the purse in the corner of the room.  (Sorry - I heard someone use this analogy once and it has stuck with me)  Why now are people paying attention to me?  Wasn't I nice beforehand?

At first it was flattering.  Wow!  These nice looking, YOUNG guys are talking to me.  Asking me to dance.  Then, it got old.  Very quickly.  Then I got mad and offended.  And now I just roll with it.

I am the first one to admit that I'm suffering an identity crisis.  I try and talk to close friends about it and try to move on.  I can't say its easy for me.  My mind is constantly playing catch-up with my changing body.  I need to lighten up and say "Thank you for the compliment".  I'm so used to people telling me I look nice when I was 262 lbs, not dressed up, and certainly not primped up for a night out.  I guess my mind still thinks its other peoples way of making polite conversation.

As easy as it sounds (and trust me, its not easy for me), have fun with it. 

kel

Kristy,

Hmmmm.....Good question.....I myself don't take compliments well.....I get embarrassed, and try to change the subject.....

On the other hand, Men noticing me, opening the doors for me, smiling at me, hitting on me, Just makes me laugh inside.......They never showed me the time of day before, and now that I've lost my weight they do......In my brain I just say, "You can look, but not touch, Ha, Ha." My hubby has been with me through it all.....He loves me for ME. And that's what I love about him, his compliments mean the most to me......

I try to hold my head high, and just take in the compliments, and say Thank you......

Kelly

I have been told I'm looking good but I roll me eyes and usually say whatever or thank you. I feel great and try not to think about what people think or say. I'm healthy and that is all that matters.

It is strange to go from being basically ignored by men, or even, God forbid, laughed at or heckled in some way, to then being admired by men.

I just look at it this way (and I apologize if this is crude, but it's true)...men will, uh, fornicate with basically anything (think about it, sheep, cows, etc.), so I'm not going to take it as a compliment that one of them finds me attractive enough to want to have sex with. Good Lord, it's not like most of them have standards anyway when it comes to that.  Granted, not all men look at women as potential sex partners only. Some men truly want to find a wonderful woman to share their lives with, and being physically attractive can help with that for sure.

Thankfully, I already have a wonderful man who loves me the way I am. However, the other day he told me that it's a good thing we already met and he already loves me because once I lose weight and get thin, he says he "wouldn't look twice" at me. He likes heavy women. So, I might have some kind of weird reverse situation here where I will end up alone because my man only likes me when I'm fat. Go figure. Who knows. At least when that time comes, I will be happy, healthy and confident, and that's the best we can hope for in life if you ask me!

So, as far as your newfound attractiveness to men, I think it is natural to have some anger toward them in general for discounting you when you were heavier, because you are the same wonderful person inside now that you were then, and you deserved to be loved and appreciated at both times in your life. It is sad that some men can't see past the fat, but that is just the reality. It's your choice if you want to cut them a break and be open to the new potential of meeting someone, or continue to be angry that they never paid attention to you before so they don't deserve to talk to you now. If nothing else, at least make them work for that first date with you!  You earned it.