An Oh NO Moment
Geeez....What some people do.......
First thing...25lbs is nothing to sneeze at....at two weeks I was down only 17lbs.... so your doing great
Next: No two people's journeys are the same.....We all lose at different rates... and in different ways.. What are your age differences? How tall are each of you? Is one of you on any medications? How about kids? There are so many factors here that can affect things.
I am going to use myself and another WLS friend, who.. both had surgrey about the same time
My friend is about 17 years younger then me, is taller then me (that don't take much..lol) Not on anti depresants or anti anxiety medications, I am.
She lost a whole lot quicker then I did... This use to bother me quite a bit. Don't get me wrong.. I was happy and proud of her... but I felt like I had somehow failed to get the most out of this surgrey I could......
Well.... I am now 18 months out, and am still losing....granted... ever so slowly now... but still losing.
I now weigh less then she does.....however, again she is taller.
So don't let it get to you.... in a polite but firm way, tell your friend your journey will be different, and you will do what is right for YOU. If she insists on telling you how to do it.... tell her you don't wish to discuss it as you need to feel positive about this journey... not be made to feel like you are failing... as hard as it is... STAND UP FOR YOURSELF!!!!
Hope this helps
First thing...25lbs is nothing to sneeze at....at two weeks I was down only 17lbs.... so your doing great
Next: No two people's journeys are the same.....We all lose at different rates... and in different ways.. What are your age differences? How tall are each of you? Is one of you on any medications? How about kids? There are so many factors here that can affect things.
I am going to use myself and another WLS friend, who.. both had surgrey about the same time
My friend is about 17 years younger then me, is taller then me (that don't take much..lol) Not on anti depresants or anti anxiety medications, I am.
She lost a whole lot quicker then I did... This use to bother me quite a bit. Don't get me wrong.. I was happy and proud of her... but I felt like I had somehow failed to get the most out of this surgrey I could......
Well.... I am now 18 months out, and am still losing....granted... ever so slowly now... but still losing.
I now weigh less then she does.....however, again she is taller.
So don't let it get to you.... in a polite but firm way, tell your friend your journey will be different, and you will do what is right for YOU. If she insists on telling you how to do it.... tell her you don't wish to discuss it as you need to feel positive about this journey... not be made to feel like you are failing... as hard as it is... STAND UP FOR YOURSELF!!!!
Hope this helps
I am not short... I am fun sized!!
Thank you everyone!! I knew that I was following my MY doc said to do and doing things the way I am supposed to do, but suppose that I needed to hear it from someone else. My friend is 10 years younger than I am and on no meds whatsoever (I still don't know how she got insurance to pay for her surgery). if there is another time she makes me feel this way I will stand up for myself, as well as remind myself that I am working my program and doing what I was told to do my my wonderful group of doctors! I really appreciate your kind words.
Have a GREAT Monday!
Reenie
Have a GREAT Monday!
Reenie
I'm sorry to hear you were hurt by your friend's comments. Like other posters said, as long as you are following your Dr's plan you are doing fine. For me, I've found that I need to listen to a variety of people before I make a decision about my choices and then trust myself as to what advice I want to listen to and what needs to be discarded.
Personally, I would talk with this friend about my feelings after our conversation. If you believed that you would be able to trust this person and get support from her - you probably weren't totally off base with that thought. I would let her know how I felt and what parts, in particular, were really difficult for me. If you have that dialogue with her than you might hear that she was only trying to help you and you will likely find out that her advice was to "help you" with some issues that she herself is facing (like fear of eating more food, weight re-gain from poor food choices, etc.)
For me, finding friends in life has been difficult and I myself have often been misunderstood. It's fairly easy to write her comments off as "jealousy" or to just not use her for support - but I think that might be a bit hasty. If you have a conversation with her and continue to find that you are feeling less than supported then don't continue to use her as a support.
I wish you the best as you continue your journey. Feel free to PM me if you ever feel like you're eating too much or making poor food choices. I've been *very* open about the exact quantities of food that I've been eating and what those food choices are - here and my medical team - and I've been told (again and again) that I'm on track. I will definately *not* be one of the people that tells you that they are only able to eat 2 tbsp. of food 3 months out. I can see how you might be sensitive to this because I hear it a lot too and it sometimes contributes to my insecurities about whether or not this surgery will succeed. Now, when people try to tell me that they only ate 2 tbsp. of food I ask them to give me more information like, "Help me out. Tell me what you ate yesterday." or if they were talking about a long time ago for them I usually take it with a grain of salt because I know that there are days now where I only eat a very small amount of food and I'm guessing that 6 months from now I will be more likely to remember those days than the ones where I ate a larger amount of food.
Personally, I would talk with this friend about my feelings after our conversation. If you believed that you would be able to trust this person and get support from her - you probably weren't totally off base with that thought. I would let her know how I felt and what parts, in particular, were really difficult for me. If you have that dialogue with her than you might hear that she was only trying to help you and you will likely find out that her advice was to "help you" with some issues that she herself is facing (like fear of eating more food, weight re-gain from poor food choices, etc.)
For me, finding friends in life has been difficult and I myself have often been misunderstood. It's fairly easy to write her comments off as "jealousy" or to just not use her for support - but I think that might be a bit hasty. If you have a conversation with her and continue to find that you are feeling less than supported then don't continue to use her as a support.
I wish you the best as you continue your journey. Feel free to PM me if you ever feel like you're eating too much or making poor food choices. I've been *very* open about the exact quantities of food that I've been eating and what those food choices are - here and my medical team - and I've been told (again and again) that I'm on track. I will definately *not* be one of the people that tells you that they are only able to eat 2 tbsp. of food 3 months out. I can see how you might be sensitive to this because I hear it a lot too and it sometimes contributes to my insecurities about whether or not this surgery will succeed. Now, when people try to tell me that they only ate 2 tbsp. of food I ask them to give me more information like, "Help me out. Tell me what you ate yesterday." or if they were talking about a long time ago for them I usually take it with a grain of salt because I know that there are days now where I only eat a very small amount of food and I'm guessing that 6 months from now I will be more likely to remember those days than the ones where I ate a larger amount of food.
"Keep your eyes on the stars and your feet on the ground" - T. Roosevelt
Everyone has an opinion, and their own motivation behind sharing their opinion. Unless you are able to talk this issue out with this friend, you just won't know what was behind her comments.
But you SHOULD let her know that you are doing what your program has instructed you to do, and that while you appreciate her concern, you intend to follow your DOCTOR'S advice, not hers. She, more than most, ought to understand that.
Sad fact is, plenty of people have experienced friendships that have gone sour post-op. It could be jealousy, it could be that people just can't relate to the "new you". It could be that they feel threatened somehow, to have the one person that made them feel better about themselves now looking and feeling and acting so much better than they did before! It is sad, especially when it's a long-term friendship that goes south. But as I always say, with friends like that, who needs enemies? You're doing this for YOU - for YOUR HEALTH. And you do NOT want to surround yourself with "friends" who are less than supportive, much less those who make you feel the way this friend did at her visit! So you may have to either tell her what you need from her, or tell her goodbye.
We're here for you, THAT you can depend on!
But you SHOULD let her know that you are doing what your program has instructed you to do, and that while you appreciate her concern, you intend to follow your DOCTOR'S advice, not hers. She, more than most, ought to understand that.
Sad fact is, plenty of people have experienced friendships that have gone sour post-op. It could be jealousy, it could be that people just can't relate to the "new you". It could be that they feel threatened somehow, to have the one person that made them feel better about themselves now looking and feeling and acting so much better than they did before! It is sad, especially when it's a long-term friendship that goes south. But as I always say, with friends like that, who needs enemies? You're doing this for YOU - for YOUR HEALTH. And you do NOT want to surround yourself with "friends" who are less than supportive, much less those who make you feel the way this friend did at her visit! So you may have to either tell her what you need from her, or tell her goodbye.
We're here for you, THAT you can depend on!
Imperfect does not = unsuccessful
Don't let her get you down! We talked at coffee, and I think you are doing just great. How many food choices does one have on pureed???? LOL
If you don't already have it, I heartily recommend "Weight Loss Surgery for Dummies" by M. Kurian. It was really helpful for me in the beginning stages and is still a good reference.
Without knowing exactly what you are eating, I can't help you with food choices, but again, at the pureed stage, not alot out there. Portion control is important, as well as drinking enough milk and getting in protein.
25 lbs in 2 weeks is great - don't look backward, just move ahead
If you don't already have it, I heartily recommend "Weight Loss Surgery for Dummies" by M. Kurian. It was really helpful for me in the beginning stages and is still a good reference.
Without knowing exactly what you are eating, I can't help you with food choices, but again, at the pureed stage, not alot out there. Portion control is important, as well as drinking enough milk and getting in protein.
25 lbs in 2 weeks is great - don't look backward, just move ahead
Linda
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