Update on me.....

This morning I had my one year check up with my surgeon. Although Dr G says I doing very good and am doing everything right, I feel not so great. I get my protein in, I get my water in, and exerising at least 3 times a week. I am in a size 12, I am on no meds, and overall, I feel fantastic.

But I still feel like a failure. I am beating myself up extra hard today because I am finally admitting to myself that perhaps I have a problem that I had not anticipated before. I have always drank alcohol. But in the past few months it has gotten way out of control. Although Dr G and I had talked about it before, in his words he doesn't have a problem with 'social drinking' He meant ONE DRINK in maybe a weeks time. Not the amount I have been having. I have been drinking about 3-4 drinks 2 to 3 nights a week!

THis is probably the biggest reason my weight loss has slowed way way down. I know this and have known it, just been in denial...But not anymore, I am admitting I have a problem. That is the first step. I am thinking about a counsilour, right now, I am trying to decide how I am going to handle it....

I have come way too far to have something like this stop me! Just like when I was first going thru this process to have the surgery, this too is a process that I have to go thru. I do not feel that I am an alcolholic, but I do enjoy my ****tails more than I should. I am not sure what direction right now I am going, but I do know that I have to take it one day at a time....

I am posting this here for 2 reasons. To ask you all for support and understanding right now. Maybe a couple prayers sent up will help.

And the other reason to be accountable. I do not needto be preached to, please.....For God's sake...but just a little understanding and caring...

I have been blessed by so many things in my life and the support I have received from this message board has been one of the best blessings in my life. I know you all will understand that I am going thru this right now and I will congour this 'demon' but right now, I just need your caring and understanding.

I just was not expecting to feel this way.....I feel like I have had the wind knocked right out of me and on the verge of tears....

Well, thanks for listening and TIA for the prays!!!

CarolN

Congratulations Carol. You've come to a pivatol point in your journey. I know it feels like a curse, but I think it's more of a blessing. You're starting to figure out who you are.

You're right in seeking a therapist. I believe ALL post-WLSers should see a therapist.

Thanks for being so brave.

Farrah

We're here for you Carol.
You have our caring & understanding ears.  No judgements!!
Post any time you need to and we'll listen.

May God cradle you in His loving arms as you go through this tough time.

Hugs to you Carol...

Not here to preach to you at all Carol.  And personally, I like that you stated you didn't need that, 'cuz you KNOW you'd have gotten some otherwise.

I just want to offer you a tight HUG, and tell you that I admire you - not just for recognizing your problem, but for taking the GINORMOUS step of coming here with it and admitting it.  I hope doing so felt like some of the emotional weight was lifted off your shoulders. 

As for whether or not you need a counselor to help you with your drinking?  Only you can decide that.  I disagree that everyone needs counseling post-WLS.  Many do, and it's nothing to be ashamed of.  But many don't.  So far, so good - for me, anyway.  Maybe someday I'll have to eat my words, but I do think that some people are better equipped to deal with their issues - not on their own, but by enlisting the help of friends and family who care.  That's why coming here is such a huge step.  Now your "secret" is out of the bag, and we can encourage you to make better choices for your own benefit. 

You know what your problem is, you know you need to change it.  Finding the determination is the hard part.  If it's a big part of your social life?  You may need to back off your social outings a bit (WAY easier said than done).  If you're drinking at home?  Avoid liquor stores for all you're worth!  Just keep reminding yourself in any and every way you can, that you didn't go through WLS to muck up your life in a whole 'nuther way.  Notes on your bathroom mirror.  In your purse.  On your fridge or liquor cabinet. 

Gosh... I hope that didn't come across as preachy...   Sending love and prayers your way, sweetie.   

(((Carol)))

Big hugs to you my friend........I admire you even more now than before.......Congrat's on sharing something so personal and trusting us.........You know I will be there for you.....I'm a phone call away......And only a short drive away......

I don't know what all to say to you other than you have taken a huge 1st step in admitting there is a problem.......Now comes the hard work.......Take one day at a time......You have had stresses going on in the past couple months, and now little brody is here.......Think of him anytime you want that drink.......

I will pray for you to find the inner strength to beat this as you did the WL........

You are NOT a failure, only human.......You can do this......For the same reasons you had WLS....Because you want to be here and be healthy.......

Take care, keep us posted, Kelly

I think you're very wise to post about this.  I had a similar struggle.  I was a very light social drinker for years, and then after surgery, I just started drinking more and more, similar to what you described.  Through counseling and exposure to AA and OA, I determined that my primary addiction was food.  After surgery, when I couldn't eat like I had previously, I started drinking alcohol!  I think it's very common, as I've heard about others on this board and other boards who have done this as well.  I have found help in OA, and the occasional AA meeting.  I like the 12-step approach, and it works for me.  I also tried therapy, and it helped somewhat, but OA seems to be better for me.   It's great that you took this step to talk about your worries.  Good luck with whatever you choose to do!

As they always say, the first step is admitting you have a problem.  You've done that and now it's time to move on to healing and figuring out how to solve the problem.  You're a brave woman and strong too - I will say prayers for you - but I'm confident you will come through this just fine!

Love and hugs to you!
Tracy

I can totally relate! I too choose a ****tail a few times more often than is best for my WL journey. I've been under a tremendous amount of stress and have let these "soothing" liquid calories sneak back into my diet. It seems easier to just have a drink rather than eat. I know better!

SO as I pray for wisdom and strength for myself I will send prayers up for you too! Recognition is the first step. And "GIRL"...you are gorgeous and have done great things with your tool!

(((Carol)))
You will find the right path to take with this - just follow your gut instinct and go from there! As women, that usually works pretty well for us.

And, I think you're going to have a ripple effect of hope, help, and understanding from other members here who may have gone through a similar thing or are currently going through it. I'm glad you posted this!