Getting me back on track!!

I've not posted here in quite some time.  Sorry I've been to drunk to post.  Posting this is just part of my healing process and I've never been one to hold things back. 

It has been almost a year since I started drinking alcohol on a regular basis.  Not just one or two a night either.  I have gained back almost 30 pounds.  I have come to the conclusion that I am an alcoholic.  I talked with my pcp about it.  She asked me if I wanted to go into treatment.  She recommened Hazelden.  I researched it and it hit me as hard as ever, there is no way in hell that I will let this drug consume me like that.  I will not leave my kids for 30 days while I go into treatment.  She also did say that they have an outpatient as well, which I will opt for if I fail at doing this on my own.  I have fought too hard to get full custody and child support to let this drug destroy us.

Yesterday was the first day in a very very long time that I was able to make it thru the day without a sip of it.  I felt great, and I feel great now.  I cleaned out all of the alcohol from my house, and will not allow it back in.  I am tired of the strain that it puts on my body and my relationships with my kids.  I for the first time in a LONG time feel great, physically (other than that 30 pound gain) and emotionally.  I know it is only day one, but that is one day closer to getting better.  I also have to seek out a therapist, who lives close to work or home, so that I can't use the location as a reason not to go.  One who will help me sort out all this.

Paxil has been working wonders, pcp and I decided not to increase dosage as the alcohol was counteracting what it is intended for. 

If you are struggling with alcohol, feel free to contact me.  I know I'm not "cured" and I have a long road ahead of me.  But sometimes, it helps just to talk about it.  And that is why I'm posting.

My goals for today...
Make it a great day
Spend SOBER quality time with my kids, maybe at the lake
Get all my water and vits in for the day.

Back to basics!  Use this tool for helping lose that 30.

Paula,

I'm glad you are here to post.  I've honestly missed seeing your posts.   Congrats first of all on making that milestone of day 1.    Every day, hour, minute is one big hurdle.   Your first and most important step to realize there's an issue and you need to do something is behind you now.   I will definitely keep you in my thoughts and prayers.   Enjoy your time with your kids.....just remember them every time you feel tempted.     Remember you are special and deserve the very best!!

Thanks so much Michelle!

Paula,

(((HUGS))))

I wish I could help you.......Please know we are all here for you.....This was a great step to take in sharing this with the board........My Mom is an alcoholic, she has never admitted it though. I can't tell you how proud I am that you can admit you have a problem and will seek some kind of help.....That is a good first step......Your kids will love you for doing this....Life is hard with an alcoholic, I know all too well........

It is one day at a time.........Please do seek out AA or therapy, it will help you on your journey.....Please feel free to PM me if you ever need to talk.....I have a good ear......

Be honest with your children, if there old enough to understand.....

All my best to you.......Good luck and fight this demon.....
Hugs & love, Kelly

I think I will talk to them on our car ride up north this weekend.  Something to talk about.  I most certainly will need someone to talk to, AA or therapy, it'll get worse before it gets better.

{{{{{{{{{{{{PAULA}}}}}}}}}}}}

I am so glad to see you back here posting, and am so glad to hear that you realized that you were having problems and are getting help.

You are SO right in stating that it is only going to get worse before it gets better - that is why you need to get thee to a therapist and/or AA ASAP! 

Don't worry about the weight - that will come off now that you are no longer drinking and you are eating properly again. 

Congrats on Day 1 of being alcohol free - and I am praying that it will be Day 100 and Day 1000 in no time (ok, 100 days and 1000 days, but you know what I mean)

I am praying for you to be strong and fight this - you will never be "cured", but you will be stronger as time goes on - and you WILL be successful!  (Darn those transfer addictions - huh?)

Paula, it's really brave and smart of you to post about this.  I have struggled with alcohol after surgery, as well.  I have determined that food was my primary addiction, and when surgery cut my ability to eat, I started drinking alcohol to make up for it!  I never had an issue with alcohol until after surgery.  I was an extremely light drinker until after surgery - maybe a glass or 2 of wine once a month or so.   Then, after surgery, I slowly ramped up the drinking until it was daily and more than one, et****il I realized it was a problem for me.   I strongly suggest an AA meeting in addition to therapy.  There are millions of meetings, so if the first ones you try don't seem like they're comfortable, keep trying other ones.  I attend OA and AA, and it's helped me a lot!  Bless you as you start this journey!  

Welcome back and to you for getting help and moving forward!  Healing is tough but YOU CAN DO IT!!!  Congrats on your first step and here's to each step after being better for you!!

I'm sorry to hear of your recent struggle. Here's to a new leaf! And lots of (((((((HUGS))))))).

I'm incredibly proud of you. This is a huge step in a very scary process. Please see a therapist and start AA as soon as possible. Alcholism is a disease - you wouldn't treat diabetes all by yourself, would you?

Congrats again Paula.

All my love,
Farrah