OT: Gut Feeling....

I spent yesterday, especially last night and most of today with a gut feeling that things with Musa will not go well. There have been several big red flags set off in the last few days and so now I am contemplating cancelling the date. I know that I will be in a public place, however I don't know that I could go out with someone knowing that it is going no further than dinner that one time. Some of the red flags have been that he calls and texts me everyday, multiple times. He seems to be acting like we are already a couple and that sort of freaks me out. The second is that he started asking personal questions the other night like what I think about pre-marital intimacy. He shared what I thought was a bit much about himself and I got uncomfortable and change the topic. The last thing is probably one of the most important and that is the difference in religion. He is Muslim and I am Christian. For the first time in a decade I am finally feeling grounded and solid in my faith and I want someone I can share that with. Also my sister pointed out some thing very interesting. In the Muslim religion women must convert to Muslim the man never converts to Christianity. I have seen how my sister's relationship with her husband is affected since he will not go to church with them and I have made the decision that I only want to date those with whom I can share my fatih. I hope this doesn't make me sound prejudice, it is just what I have come to believe is best for my happiness. So, any suggestions in dealing with this i.e. should I cancel or not, are apprecciated and welcome. Thanks to you all for your support as I venture into this new territory of my life. Love & Hugs! Nicole

I think you should go with your gut.  If you are having red flags already, you are probably right.  I wish I would have not ignored the red flags in my first marriage - it would have saved a lot of heartache.

I don't think there is anything so much wrong with talking about the things you have discussed because I think when you are at an age that you are ready to settle down and find "the one", these are good things to just get on the table as soon as possible before wasting each others time.  I agree that a strong difference in faith beliefs is cause for concern because it can really cause a lot of friction in a relationship down the road.  Relationships are hard enough without adding extra stress and complications to them.  Some couples can work through religious differences and come up with a compromise early on, but strong religious beliefs on boths sides is very hard to compromise.  I compromised in my first marriage and look where it got me.  I don't think it's being prejiduced. It's just having a strong faith and not willing to compromise  or minimize that for anything or anyone. 

I can't tell you what to do.  Only you know how you feel and what you are looking for.  All I can say is just pray and come up with a decision you are at peace with.

Good luck!

(((Hugs)))

Michelle

Thank you Michelle! When I talked to my sister, who also happens to be named Michelle, she said that I should go with my gut as well and that if I felt okay go to dinner and get a free dinner out of it. I think that tomorrow I will text him (yes I am too chicken to call) and cancel.

Yes my faith is definitely something that I will not compromise for anyone. I did that with my ex and ended up so lost that it took a lot of wandering to find my way back.

Oh, and I have thought about eHarmony, it was on my list to try after this site.

Love & Hugs! Nicole

Oh and P.S....this is why I HIGHLY recommend eHarmony.  You will be matched with someone who shares the same religious beliefs.  I loved this feature.  I can't say enough good things about eHarmony.  I found the true love of my life on there. 

(((Hugs)))

M.

Good choice. I think canceling is wise.  Why? The religion thing is key for you and there's no reason to make exceptions. The rest...well.....guys will be flirty and they'll be sleazy and ask kinda nasty stuff ESPECIALLY over text because as we all know, some people say over text and email what they would NEVER say to someone's face.

But the religion thing is key....here's my example.... I want to marry someone Russian... or someone who is willing  to learn to speak Russian and learn the culture.... so even if I get the nicest guy... I will have a very, very hard time if he doesn't fit that criteria because my culture is SUPER important to me.

So don't feel like your are anything but smart. Know what you want and don't let flirtation get in the way, hehe.

Elena~Yes, my religion is something that I am not budging from and I commend you on having your standards set for what you want in a guy as well! I think that any guy *****ally loves you will not have a problem embracing and learning about your culture. Thank you for the support it helps to have confirmation about my feelings. ~Nicole

I agree with what was already said.  Not predjudice -- just not settling for what isn't right for you.

I define my gut feelings as my guardian angels.  All those people who talk about their guardian angels had these gut feelings.  After all, God isn't going to open the skies and tap you on the shoulder and say "heh -- don't do that!!!".  He sends our guardian angels to give us "that gut feeling".  And never ignore them.....they are usually right!!!

 

Barb~Yes I learned my lesson on settling and I am not about to let my history repeat itself! Interesting theory about the Guardian Angels.

Go with your gut.  No ifs, ands, or buts about it.  You don't really owe anyone an explanation other than you've changed your mind. 

Stick with your beliefs!  Once you give in a big, its hard to turn back.

You're a beautiful young woman.  Your Mr Right is out there.   Don't compromise your beliefs and values.

Kelly

Thank you Kelly! It has taken a while for me to get to this point, but I now respect myself enough to not compromise the important things in my life. Oh, and what you said has helped me to figure out what to say when I cancel. No explanations, just no more.