Boiling Mad at Insensitivity
Most of you know that I live with my BF of 6 years, Marlin. We live in a house with his mother "MA" who is 75, and one his brothers and his GF.
Friday I had Nemi with me and we went to drop MA off to get her hair permed. I had tried to trim Nemi's bangs and screwed them up, so I had the guy at Cost Cutters fix them. When Nemi and I left, she gave MA a kiss as usual since I was taking her to Laurie.
The stylist asked Ma who Nemi was: MA said, "She is nothing to me. Well I mean she is my son's GF's daughter's kid" MA said this at dinner Saturday night, in the middle of her sentence, blabbermouth drunk brother had to start yelling out the door at a freakin squirrell, so MA did not finish what she was going to say. She never apologised, just blamed me for getting angry and walking away without saying anything.
I waited 30 seconds, did not say 1 single word. I picked up my plate, scraped the rest of my food into the trash, plate in sink and went to the basement. Our room is in the basement.
I have not told Laurie what was said, I do not want her to be hurt.
What I don't get, it that MA smiles more, is happier, more animated anytime Nemi is here. She tries to run her food at the dinner table like I don't know how to feed her.
Moving out is not an option. In this economy MA can't afford the house payment that, the loan is in Marlin's name and her soc sec is not enough.
HOW THE HELL DO I "LOOK PAST THIS"? Marlin and I got in a huge fight about it last night. I HATE THIS.
Karen
session at a time is all I can do, multitasking is a fine art that I am still trying to master. 
Karen~((((HUGS)))) That had to be so hard to hear I do not blame you for getting upset andactually think that you did the right thing by going to your room rather than blowing up at her and escalating the situation. The only suggestion I have is to talk through things. Find out why she said that and maybe see how what her perspective is regarding you and your BF's relationship, it maybe that she doesn't see the two of you as commited as you really are. I don't know. I hope you are able to get everything resolved because living in a house full of tension and anger is no fun. Love & Hugs! Nicole
"When you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you."
WOW! I don't know what to say!
HUGS
~Sandie~ 
-147!!WLS:12-12-06:Preop 268,Ht.5'4",BMI 44.9
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I'm not perfect but I am going to die trying!!!
I was going to suggest the same thing Nicole did - talk it over with MA directly, as calmly as you can. You said yourself she didn't get to finish what she was saying. If she had, it may not have come across as harsh as it did? No way to know, but you definitely need to tell her that A) it hurt, and B) that you see her relationship with Nemi as something more positive than the way she described it. How she responds to that will speak volumes about where you stand in that household.
Imperfect does not = unsuccessful
Comments like that tend to stem from something personal... nothing against you or your daughter at all but maybe a fear or a frustration. It could be that she's frustrated at her son for something or that she doesn't want to get too close to you for fear that you may leave... or that she may die... some people have a hard time telling it like it is and unfortunately end up blowing up at everyone else... and blaming everyone else for the emotions they feel. I'm sorry that happened to you and hopefully things can get resolved.
Although she didn't say it in a nice way, it's sounds to me like she was stating the relationship she has with Nemi. When she said "She is nothing to me." I'm sure she meant 'she isn't actually related to me by blood'. And I think she tried to restate it with, "Well I mean she is my son's GF's daughter's kid".
You can carry this around and be mad or try to look at it as an old woman's mistake. If she's glad to see Nemi you know she likes her. She probably wasn't purposely trying to **** you off. And, you're gonna hate me for this, not everyone is going to be ga ga about your grandchild.
Karen,
I'm sorry this happened! I like to believe in the good in people, so I believe that MA was referring to blood relationships..going by her age, this is not uncommon thinking. If it were me dealing with this icky and hurtful situation, I would find a way to have a quiet, heartfelt discussion with MA. I would start by let ting her know how important she is to me, and my daughter and grand daughter. I would follow this with an explanation of why I felt so hurt hearing the words she spoke the other day. I would bet that MA would be upset and explain what she really meant. If after all this she confirms the worst, then you know where you all stand and can determine what yopu want to do about it. I would guess that you won't need to do that...
Anyways, here is a {{{{{{{{{{HUG}}}}}}}}}}}}} for you, because it sometimes doesn't matter why something was said when it hurts!
Cheryl
Pre-op 320/Current 152/Goal 132 First of all ((((Karen))))
I'm so sorry about this and that you were hurt. I tend to agree with the gals who said that she probably meant "by blood" - that was my immediate reaction as I was reading your post. And because she didn't get to finish what she was saying, it came across the wrong way. You have witnessed yourself the relationship she has with Nemi being loving and sweet, so I'm confident Nemi does mean a lot to her and a sit down talk with her about it would probably make you feel a lot better. She's up there in years too so I'm sure she doesn't even remember or realize how it came out.
Hang in there and I'm sorry you feel bad!
(((Hugs)))
M.
