Acceptance... just my thoughts on the subject (LONG)

Due to miss Michelle's posts and all the reply's, and hearing this subject come up in coffee groups... I pondered this off and on all day yesterday.... here are my thoughts.

Many of us have been fat the majority of our lives, I know I have....We have never before walked in the world of for lack of a better word... thin person. We have always been judged because of our size, and once people actually seen past that, and found out what wonderful people we were..... we had friends. Part of that I believe is some of those "friends" didn't take us seriously or as a threat.

Then we have weight loss surgrey... and things changed.

We have now entered a world that is totaly new to us.... we become either thin and gorgeous (Sandi, Linda A., Kelly, Barb, Michelle) Or we get to a point where we are at least healthy and happy..(Me) and tho we are not super model candidates... (Sandi) We look good, and feel good... and people in genrel views changed about us.

We entered their world... with all of it's good and not so good. Listen to a couple of women talking sometime when you can eves drop discreetly... many times they are talking about this woman or that woman... what their faults are, and cutting them down, or judging them. Listen to the women at the office... same thing... I am sure many of you know exactly what I am talking about.

We as former fat women, take these cuts personally when they are directed at us... Often, we don't understand why... as we are so filled with joy and pride for our accompolishments. But the truth is... they now see us as one of them... competition.. on more then one level......socially, proffesionally, and personally. I don't think, when we hear these comments, it is anything different then many women hear all the time.

But we are sooo very fortunate..... we have this wonderful board, and our coffee groups... where we are all accepted, loved, and cared about for who we are, and what we have accomplished. We get the support and encouragement we all need from time to time. Makes me almost feel bad for those other women, they will never know the comradere, and closeness that we have found with each other....Like a very good OH friend said to me one day....(Kelly) I am glad I was fat, because if I hadn't been, and hadn't had this surgrey.. I would never have met so many wonderful friends.. and I totally agree with her...

I know myself, I could never have accomplished what I have with out all of you here.... I have actually accomplished more in the last 3 months, since becoming very active here... then I have the rest of my journey put together... and I personally owe it to this board..

Okay I have rambled enough....

Thanks for listening...

Diane, I totally agree with you! If it were not for this board, I would not realize so many new things about myself and others. I think as we are all changing it is not only our bodies that are changing, our feelings and thoughts change too. I know I for one have learned that when I hear hurtful things that may or may not have been directed to me, then I need to learn to let them roll off my shoulder and move on....That is so hard when you think that person is one of your friends. It is times like these that I turn to God and put it completely in His hands. I have to, because there are so many other more important things in life than how someone has made me feel. Perhaps they are having a bad patch also and if saying what they said made them feel better somehow, then fine... It is not worth my happiness to get all upset about it.... We know that there are always going to be hurtful people in our lives. It is how we handle those feelings that make us the people we are meant to be!! Our character should never be compromised in these situations. We need to learn how to confront these individuals with more respect than they have given to us and let them know how their actions have made you feel. Again without compromising our character and values. As we are all "growing up in WL" (getting further out) we take on a different roll and we all have a responsibility to others that are just beginning their journey to be supportive and loving and understanding.  Ok now I'm rambling....Sorry...But just was compelled..... (((HUGS)))) Love to all, CarolN

Rambling can be good.... quite often we can learn about ourselves that way.....

I agree we should not compromise our character.. but for many of us, it is the first time we have felt strong enough to stick up for our principles... I know it is for me.

Diane, You made me cry.....A good tear cry......I can't believe you remembered what I said.....Wow......It is true though, If I wasn't fat I would of never met you guys......... This is very well written......I'm honored that you think I'm thin or gorgeous like the others, WOW, that really chokes me up......I look up to these women, they have done amazing, and for you to put me next to them, WOW........I'm honored........ Man, You have me all emotional, I can't see what I'm typing the tears are in the way....... Thank You. You made my day........ Kelly

Kelly,

Of course I remembered... I have taken heart in many of our talks.

You, like many of us... don't really realize what you have accompolished..... you have done great, and you do look gorgeous and fabulous.....You are very beautiful.....and the fact you are so humble about it... makes it even more so.

Diane

First off, thank you so much for the kind words! Now, my input on this.  As an overweight(obese) hairstylist my tips were LOW!  As I lost my extra pounds month by month, I noticed that the tips got better (mind you most of these were my regulars!).  I had applied for jobs as an obese person (or for a promotion) and got passed by.  How discriminating is that!!!!   I, also, agree that had I not been obese, that I would not be the person I am now.  Had I not found this board and the wonderful people here, I would not have had the success that I have.   THANKS TO ALL OF THE WONDERFUL WLS PEEPS!!! HUGS/LOVES

I honestly think as obese people, we had to develop our personality's to a more defined point, because we felt that was all we had going for us. Now that we have lost or are losing the weight... those qualities that we perfected then, serve us very well now.....

By the way... I ment what I said... you are absolutely gorgeous... when I met you at the shower for Randy and Lucy... I was in awe.... you have a magnatism.. you radiate with it.

Diane~I think you hit the nail right on the head on this one!  I have even noticed a difference in how my BIL and siblings treat me.  For once in my life I am now an equal with my siblings.  Growing up I was always the "fat", "lazy" one because I have been obese since late elementary school and never liked to do anything active.  Well in the last year I have done a complete 180 degree switch and my siblings now enjoy spending time with me.  I have been very lucky in that I have not experienced any major negativity about my weight loss, with one exception.  My younger sister is really struggling with her weight after after finishing her nursing degree and starting a stressful job she turned to food and wine to comfort her and exercise went by the wayside.  Since this has happened she has gained about 20 pounds (me estimate) and is now extremely sensative and won't tell me what size she is or how much she weighs.  A couple of weeks ago when I was sharing some weightloss tips with my mom she interrupted and told me that I had no room to speak, because I had surgery and that, that is completely different from how they have work to loose weight.  She basically implied that I took the easy way out.  I dropped the subject because she has quite the temper and I didn't want to cause a huge fight.  Needless to say she has become the least supportive of all my siblings on this journey and I think it is because she fears I will passer her by as I melt away and then she will be the overweight one in the family.  Human nature is very, very interesting!

It is a shame when the people we love say things like that that cut us to the core.....We never expected jelousy to be apart of this ride....

I hope you are fortunate enough not to have the negative things come at you..... but if you do.... realize.. it is normal.

I could not have put it better... its true. We have the base... being fat .... being the one "they" talked about and the non-threat. Now we are now  amongst the "norm"  if there is a normal... but an acceptable size to others.  They dont view us as gross... or somthing catchy...  I have heard more comments about fat men and women now being part of this "club" I never was.  Before I felt the need to stick up for all overweight people.. it got tireing. Now I ignore the comments about others and try to say somthing nice or walk away from those saying it. But I felt discrimination from the general public when I was heavy.... I feel it now being thin from some that would surprise you.  I get the dirty looks somtimes from heavy women and think " Hey sister...  I am still you in my heart"   Not sure if this makes any sense... a fellow Oh'er asked me recently why I stay on the MN board being two years out this July 24th.   My answer was simply to help others get to where I am with as much insight as I can share.  I truly want to help... but I have to understand my "help" isnt helpful somtimes and others have taken it wrong.  I approached this with a hard ass attitude for myself.. no more game playing bottom line rules.  I understand not everyone is that same way and thats when I learned to only give advice when asked. Bottom line is MN board has been my extended family for three years and although I feel some board memebers dislike for me ..... I truly feel sorry for them...... the love I get back from most outweighs any negative feelings. I truly wish the best for everyone and want only one thing... for you all to be free from your excess weight. Sincerely with hugs

Linda