Depression

Hi everyone, Did any of you experience significant depression post-op?  When I was an adolescent and in my early-20s I had some serious issues with major depressive disorder, but it's been in remission now for almost 15 years.  Until last year the only issue that I really had never dealt with was my weight and over the past year I've done a lot of work with my therapist about my weight issues and I really felt emotionally prepared going into surgery.  However, since the surgery, my emotional health has really tumbled.  It's really hard for me to explain how I'm feeling.  I guess the best way that I can put it is that I feel like I've been pulled out of my comfort zone - I get no satisfaction from eating or eating related activities anymore so I don't want (and shouldn't be) around those situations.  However, on the other hand, since I still weigh 400+ pounds, I don't exactly have a lot to celebrate about my weight loss yet.  Don't get me wrong, 50 pounds down and I feel and see the difference, but there hasn't been enough of a difference yet to drastically change my life and being only 1 month post-op, I feel like I haven't even had a glimpse yet of the person that I am going to become.  I really feel like I don't belong anywhere right now. It's really frustrating because I cry every day now at least once and I *never* used to cry - even when I was going through my worst depression.  I can never tell when the crying spurts are going to come on - sometimes I just stop what I'm doing and start sobbing.  I've discussed this at length with my therapist and she's suggested that if this continues much longer that I may want to continue to take an anti-depressant for a little while.  Due to some bad experiences through my adolescence with antidepressants I have taken a pretty firm stand on using my coping skills (and no medications) to get through difficult times, but at my worst times I've agreed to short bursts of antidepressant therapy.  I haven't given today's antidepressants a shot at all.  I'm looking for any information about whether or not others experienced these types of emotions when they were newly post-op.  I'd also appreciate any advice on how I can best cope with this situation and advice on anti-depressants if anyone is open to sharing their experiences.  I did take Wellbutrin about 5 years ago to quit smoking and had HORRIBLE side effects (which reinforced my belief that I don' like meds, but anyway). Thanks in advance!  Jen

Jen, this is ABSOLUTELY a normal thing to experience post-op!  I'm sure you'll get lots of replies... but basically, your fat cells store a lot of the hormones in your system, probably particularly estrogen.   So now you've had WLS, and your body is shedding weight at a pretty good rate - all the hormones stored in the fat you're spilling are racing through your body!  Sounds crazy, but that's a fact.  MANY WLS patients experience a post-operative funk, some more extreme than others! I must say, I admire you for not wanting to take any kind of medications for your depression - but honey, you don't HAVE to put up with this emotional rollercoaster the hormones are putting you on.  If you can find a therapist who is familiar with this, perhaps they'll have a good idea for what to try with you?   I mean, the whole rapid weight loss creates an emotional rollercoaster of ups and downs just from the excitement of losing!  The frustration with the changes in the way people treat you as you shrink.  Changes in friendships and relationships  -  hopefully, you educated yourself thoroughly enough pre-op to not be surprised by these things.   Just trust that you are NORMAL, and this should resolve itself as your body adjusts!  And remember, you can always come here for some unconditional love and acceptance!!! 

 

Thanks Darla! I did work as much as possible pre-op on how my relationships with others will change.  There will be a *lot* of work that I will have to do about that as I get thinner...especially once men start recognizing that I am a woman and not some "it" that doesn't count.  I work with male clients and sometimes people perceive that women are less safe working where I do, but nobody has ever worried that it would be a problem for me (I guess that I'm not attractive enough for any of the clients to hit on me or worse yet assault me).  So, when I start to count, I know I'm going to be one pissed off woman.  Good for me that I'm already married because if I had to date some guys would be getting some serious vengence.  But I digress. I know I'm shedding a ton of hormones and this is like a month long friggin' PMS.  It's driving me so batty and I'm so grateful that I can put out my feelings and hear that this is normal.  It sure the heck doesn't feel normal and honestly, I don't feel like I got a lot of warning and my hormones were going to be all wacky after this. How long did this seem to last before it settled down?  If I can tell myself that this will stabilize I think that I can push through it.  My best coping skill has always been to educate myself about what I'm going through so that I can normalize the experience, recognize that it will pass, and then just give it permission to exist but not dominate my life. 

I really didn't experience it much myself, but I've heard from a LOT of women here who have.  C'mon peeps, share your experience with Jen!

I had my surgery a few days after you.  I have been worried about depression rearing its ugly head again (I have dealt with it 3 times since I was 30 (counseling and anti-depressants for 3 - 6 months each time)).  So far, so good, but I worry about it every day.  Anyhow, while it's true that there are many men who look past large women, I can assure you that you are not invisible to every man out there.  Yes, more men are likely to notice you as you lose weight.  When that happens, you will have every right to be pissed off because you will still be the same person on the inside.  Shallowness is such an insufferable trait.  However, another approach would be for you to embrace this newfound attention because it can empower you. both personally and professionally. If you are really struggling, I would encourage you to try an anti-depressant as you go through this rapid weight loss period.  If Wellbutrin didn't work, there are others out there that might help.  Good luck and feel free to PM me if you want to do so.

Jen,  Big (((HUGS))) your way........You are normal first off......I agree with everything Darla said also. You should give yourself more credit too, 50 pounds in one month, that is awesome......... I did have a tiny bit of depression my first 2 months, but it was more of a food related, why did I do this kind of thing, plus I was very nauseous all the time......Then the weight loss was noticeable, They figured out I was B1 deficient and once that straightened out I felt much better. I would give medicine a try at least........2 years before surgery I has depression real bad, I was on Lexapro and Xanax, they both worked great and helped me through a rough time in my life...... I hope soon things will turn around for you......This WLS is a wild ride with many up's & downs, but it's all worth it in the end. Kelly

Jen, depression is a very normal part of this journey.... I've been up and down many, many times.... I feel like I am a wild roller coaster ride.....As much as we try to prepare for the emotional side of this journey, there is no way we can ever know what it will be actually like until we are on it... and yes... it is tough, because we are having to learn to deal with a whole new set of feelings about ourselves, the changes in our bodies, and the way we are treated differently.....and the hardest thing, we don't have our old comfortable friend food. So we HAVE to deal with the emotions... and for many of us.. it's the first time in our lives...

I am on a low dose of anti depressents, and a very low dose of anti anxiety meds... I wouldn't be without them.

Good luck to you, and don't worry so much about how much you need to lose....When was the last time you lost so much so fast... and knew it would be gone for good.....

Jen -- sorry you have been feeling so down.....but totally normal and it may require medication for a while.  I read somewhere when I was researching WLS that depression and weight gain, and then weight loss, go hand in hand in most cases.  And as Darla said, when you lose the weight, the hormone release from the fat cells messes with that too. Your teenage experience may have been the warnings they are advertising now for teens (I don't know your personal experience) and perhaps as a non-teen your reaction would be different?  And today's anti-depressants are totally different than those of years ago.  They can now mix up the different chemical for different parts of the brain.  Years ago they were very limited to doing this. Personally I have been on several medications over the years.  And the first one I ever went on was Paxil recommended by my gynocologist for crying spells because of menopause hormones.  Worked great and comes in low doses.  But your symptoms were my key marker that medication needed to be changed  -- I get the cry my eyes out just with a stupid song on the radio. You'll figure it out but as long as you can cry it out, hang in there.  But, please, if you feel other things (like harming yourself), then seek help immediately because that is not normal with the surgery.  And not wanting to get out of bed or to keep your home clean is another marker to get additional help. Hugs.....

I really don't have anything to add to what has already been said...just wanted you to know that after my surgery, my depression was worse than ever.  My anxiety was through the roof.  It lasted about 6-8 weeks.  It was horrible.  I'll never suffer through anything like that again-I'd rather take a med than suffer.  And depression is suffering. There's nothing wrong with taking a med.  People don't say anything about a diabetic taking insulin.  I consider depression a disease too.  It's a chemical imbalance. Take care, Debi

Jen, Soooo sorry to hear that you're going through the emotional side of this surgery with such difficulty.  I too suffer from major depressive disorder and this surgery has allowed it to rear its ugly head numerous times throughout the last 15 months.  I had no idea the emotional side of the surgery would be so incredibly difficult.  I recently had a very bad spell for about 2 weeks and finally got myself on new meds which are working wonders.  I can understand the hesitation to go on meds, but please do yourself a favor and give them a try - like many others have said, they are very different than they were in the past.  Seriously I don't think I'd be here without them - Depression is an evil disease and allows many demons in your brain that don't deserve to be there - without medication it can be overwhelmingly impossible to get rid of them (in my opinion).  I will definitely say prayers for healing for you and for the comfort and peace that you're able to do whatever it takes to get you better.  Take care!