Support and keep peace (Nice thread) LONG
I've been weeding my flower garden today and doing alot of thinking and soul searching, I do this best when I'm among my flowers, it's so peaceful, except when the Hummingbirds buzz me.
I received a very nice PM today from someone that thought I was leaving the boards, I'm not leaving the boards, only the thread of; Today I will.......I'm taking a break from that thread because I've been failing terribly, eating the wrong foods etc. So I thought I would just take a break from that thread until I'm back on track. I see my Bariatric nurse Monday for my 6th month appt. and have soooo many questions for her..........I know sticking to the program is a must, but HOW? I thought I had everything under control, but that lasted 2 weeks.....I like to take care of things myself first and then ask for help if I can't do it on my own. SO LOOK OUT NURSE HERE I COME.............
Anyways, I got to thinking in my flower garden, How can we make this board better? How can we make people feel comfortable? How can we stop the conflicts? ETC.....
What I'm about to write, I write this from my heart, and mean no harm. So here we go..........Part of me has been struggling with all the tension on the board, feelings have been hurt, people thinking of leaving the board, anger, etc. Talking about others behind their back............I'm no SAINT. And that's why I would like to take this opportunity to make things better if I can........
It seems like alot of the problems come from advice that we either ask for or don't. So here is what I propose and I hope this can help everyone..........
1. It seems like no one knows what to write anymore. Me included...Should I post this? Should I kick their butt? So if your doing a posting, if your concerned about what will be posted back you should include in your thread if you want a butt kicking or just support. That way feelings won't be hurt, and or people will know better on what your looking for, a butt kicking or support. And people can make the choice to post to you or not. I HOPE THAT MAKES SENSE.....
2. Things sometimes don't come out right when we are typing, so PM the person or call them and see exactly what they meant. I think this would help us all out.......
3. Someone once told me on this board, "We don't all have to be friends, we don't have to like everybody, but let's just get along." This was an excellent statement.
So I think we can make this board better by just being mindfull of what were writing. We can make people comfortable if we know what there looking for, support or a butt kicking. And we can stop the conflicts if we are mindfull of what we write and or PM the person or call them to get something straightened out.
I think this is a great board with wonderful, caring, supportive people. And I look forward to meeting more people at different coffee groups. I think not knowing people on the board causes issues too. Example: Someone replied to a post and right away I thought, Man were they rough on that person. Then my hubby asked me, "What if that was ----- your friend from MG coffee would you react the same way?" My answer, "Well no, Because I know them and I know what there saying." Ahhhhh......Can you see where I'm going with this.......When we don't know the person we react.........
I hope this can help everyone on here.......I mean no harm........I really just want peace and support for all..............I love all my MG friends, and am hoping to meet other coffee group people and develop friendships there as well.
Love, Kelly
I received a very nice PM today from someone that thought I was leaving the boards, I'm not leaving the boards, only the thread of; Today I will.......I'm taking a break from that thread because I've been failing terribly, eating the wrong foods etc. So I thought I would just take a break from that thread until I'm back on track. I see my Bariatric nurse Monday for my 6th month appt. and have soooo many questions for her..........I know sticking to the program is a must, but HOW? I thought I had everything under control, but that lasted 2 weeks.....I like to take care of things myself first and then ask for help if I can't do it on my own. SO LOOK OUT NURSE HERE I COME.............
Anyways, I got to thinking in my flower garden, How can we make this board better? How can we make people feel comfortable? How can we stop the conflicts? ETC.....
What I'm about to write, I write this from my heart, and mean no harm. So here we go..........Part of me has been struggling with all the tension on the board, feelings have been hurt, people thinking of leaving the board, anger, etc. Talking about others behind their back............I'm no SAINT. And that's why I would like to take this opportunity to make things better if I can........
It seems like alot of the problems come from advice that we either ask for or don't. So here is what I propose and I hope this can help everyone..........
1. It seems like no one knows what to write anymore. Me included...Should I post this? Should I kick their butt? So if your doing a posting, if your concerned about what will be posted back you should include in your thread if you want a butt kicking or just support. That way feelings won't be hurt, and or people will know better on what your looking for, a butt kicking or support. And people can make the choice to post to you or not. I HOPE THAT MAKES SENSE.....
2. Things sometimes don't come out right when we are typing, so PM the person or call them and see exactly what they meant. I think this would help us all out.......
3. Someone once told me on this board, "We don't all have to be friends, we don't have to like everybody, but let's just get along." This was an excellent statement.
So I think we can make this board better by just being mindfull of what were writing. We can make people comfortable if we know what there looking for, support or a butt kicking. And we can stop the conflicts if we are mindfull of what we write and or PM the person or call them to get something straightened out.
I think this is a great board with wonderful, caring, supportive people. And I look forward to meeting more people at different coffee groups. I think not knowing people on the board causes issues too. Example: Someone replied to a post and right away I thought, Man were they rough on that person. Then my hubby asked me, "What if that was ----- your friend from MG coffee would you react the same way?" My answer, "Well no, Because I know them and I know what there saying." Ahhhhh......Can you see where I'm going with this.......When we don't know the person we react.........
I hope this can help everyone on here.......I mean no harm........I really just want peace and support for all..............I love all my MG friends, and am hoping to meet other coffee group people and develop friendships there as well.
Love, Kelly 
Great thoughts Kelly. I think that is a great idea. We are all going through something that is SO life-changing. We should just keep each other in our minds and hearts.
Nicole,
Thank you......I did enjoy my gardening, I have two flower beds all along the front and side of my house, it gets weedy fast. I need to go buy some Preen weed preventer. I've been working on it off & on since 11 this morning, I just finished and it's 4:50 pm. Whew, I think I'm a little dehydrated.....
Kelly
Well written Kelly!
Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
We haven't all taken the Dale Carnegie class I'm sure, but I think compassion is a must on any public forum. It's not like we're on an obesity messageboard because we're normal, thin people. It's sort of like an addict - once an addict, always an addict - even though they may have been clean/sober for 20 years or something. We are/were obese. That takes many years to get past when you involve surgery to cure it IMO. That's what this website is for. Obese people. Whether you've lost the weight yet or not.
Also, the coffee groups need to have what I would consider a leader - someone that feels comfortable standing up and saying "hey, we're not here to discuss this situation or that person, we need to get back on track". Quite honestly, there's enough gossip at the workplace and the last place I want to hear it is at a coffee group.
Let's all step it up one more notch and bring this board back to what it used to be. Post about your victories (WLS related or not), post about what foods you've tried lately and give a review, rave about a new piece of clothing you bought, ASK QUESTIONS when in doubt, tell us about an issue you're having that might be beneficial to others (i.e. transfer addictions, grouchy pouchy, etc.), and so on.
My final thought on the subject is to the ladies: if you suspect you're PMS'ing or having hormonal changes, do NOT reply or post. This is for everyone's best interest. Me personally, I am a crank when I'm PMS'ing and have learned my emotions rule me on those days and I've learned those are the days I don't post or respond. I know not everyone has this but as you're dropping the pounds, your hormones are nutty. Let's just be mindful of that. If something doesn't sit well with you, PM that person like Kelly suggested.
Kudos Kelly & I'm glad you're staying! You're way too sweet and I'd be sad if you left.
(((Hugs)))
Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
We haven't all taken the Dale Carnegie class I'm sure, but I think compassion is a must on any public forum. It's not like we're on an obesity messageboard because we're normal, thin people. It's sort of like an addict - once an addict, always an addict - even though they may have been clean/sober for 20 years or something. We are/were obese. That takes many years to get past when you involve surgery to cure it IMO. That's what this website is for. Obese people. Whether you've lost the weight yet or not.
Also, the coffee groups need to have what I would consider a leader - someone that feels comfortable standing up and saying "hey, we're not here to discuss this situation or that person, we need to get back on track". Quite honestly, there's enough gossip at the workplace and the last place I want to hear it is at a coffee group.
Let's all step it up one more notch and bring this board back to what it used to be. Post about your victories (WLS related or not), post about what foods you've tried lately and give a review, rave about a new piece of clothing you bought, ASK QUESTIONS when in doubt, tell us about an issue you're having that might be beneficial to others (i.e. transfer addictions, grouchy pouchy, etc.), and so on.
My final thought on the subject is to the ladies: if you suspect you're PMS'ing or having hormonal changes, do NOT reply or post. This is for everyone's best interest. Me personally, I am a crank when I'm PMS'ing and have learned my emotions rule me on those days and I've learned those are the days I don't post or respond. I know not everyone has this but as you're dropping the pounds, your hormones are nutty. Let's just be mindful of that. If something doesn't sit well with you, PM that person like Kelly suggested.
Kudos Kelly & I'm glad you're staying! You're way too sweet and I'd be sad if you left.
(((Hugs))) 
We haven't all taken the Dale Carnegie class I'm sure, but I think compassion is a must on any public forum. It's not like we're on an obesity messageboard because we're normal, thin people. It's sort of like an addict - once an addict, always an addict - even though they may have been clean/sober for 20 years or something. We are/were obese. That takes many years to get past when you involve surgery to cure it IMO. That's what this website is for. Obese people. Whether you've lost the weight yet or not.
This is an EXCELLENT point Amy! I work for a drug treatment program and I often think of it the same way as well. My coworker who has been a counselor here for 17 years and has 21 years clean and sober says "I never get comfortable." Never think you "got it" all down. We are addicts too and should embrace the same concept - except our addiction is food and surgery will never fix that. We will probably be addicts the rest of our life. Never get too comfortable. We have years of bad habits to break. We will always be food addicts and we need each other because we all have been there. Honestly, here at this treatment center I work at, motivation is not given by a "butt kicking", but by encouraging peer support or calling a sponsor or support person. This is urged to keep a person from making bad choices or when there is temptation to relapse OR when relapse has occurred peer support is encouraged. We will have days of relapse, and its those days we should be able to come here for support. I think constructive criticism can be given, but I think the WAY it is delivered should be thought out carefully. If it comes across negative or too blunt, that is not going to get anyone to want to listen. Heck, some of us were comfort eaters - it may just make them turn to food. lol I think if someone were to come on here and say 'I screwed up, I need a wake up call and a butt chewing", then butt kick to your hearts content. Otherwise, if its someone who is already being hard on themselves to begin with, I can pretty much bet they KNOW they are screwing up, and don't need a blunt reminder. They just need support. That's just the way I look at it and only my opinion of course. I think of the adultress woman in the Bible, and the village wanted to stone her publicly. Jesus looked at the men who wanted to stone her and said "He who is without sin, cast the first stone." It was then that they let her be. None of them had a right to throw a stone, because none of them could claim they had never done anything wrong. It just goes back to that mentality, WWJD. I admit I even struggle with this sometimes. It's a daily struggle, and I'll slip up. I'm only human. I pretty much stay out of the debates - I like it that way because it only stirs the pot, but Amy's comparison to addicts made me want to speak up, since I have worked for an addiction and recovery program for 3 years. Needless to say and no matter what, I love you all!!!! No hard feelings coming on this end - just mushy, sappy love. Muah Muah Muah!!! ;) lol (((Hugs))) Michelle
This is an EXCELLENT point Amy! I work for a drug treatment program and I often think of it the same way as well. My coworker who has been a counselor here for 17 years and has 21 years clean and sober says "I never get comfortable." Never think you "got it" all down. We are addicts too and should embrace the same concept - except our addiction is food and surgery will never fix that. We will probably be addicts the rest of our life. Never get too comfortable. We have years of bad habits to break. We will always be food addicts and we need each other because we all have been there. Honestly, here at this treatment center I work at, motivation is not given by a "butt kicking", but by encouraging peer support or calling a sponsor or support person. This is urged to keep a person from making bad choices or when there is temptation to relapse OR when relapse has occurred peer support is encouraged. We will have days of relapse, and its those days we should be able to come here for support. I think constructive criticism can be given, but I think the WAY it is delivered should be thought out carefully. If it comes across negative or too blunt, that is not going to get anyone to want to listen. Heck, some of us were comfort eaters - it may just make them turn to food. lol I think if someone were to come on here and say 'I screwed up, I need a wake up call and a butt chewing", then butt kick to your hearts content. Otherwise, if its someone who is already being hard on themselves to begin with, I can pretty much bet they KNOW they are screwing up, and don't need a blunt reminder. They just need support. That's just the way I look at it and only my opinion of course. I think of the adultress woman in the Bible, and the village wanted to stone her publicly. Jesus looked at the men who wanted to stone her and said "He who is without sin, cast the first stone." It was then that they let her be. None of them had a right to throw a stone, because none of them could claim they had never done anything wrong. It just goes back to that mentality, WWJD. I admit I even struggle with this sometimes. It's a daily struggle, and I'll slip up. I'm only human. I pretty much stay out of the debates - I like it that way because it only stirs the pot, but Amy's comparison to addicts made me want to speak up, since I have worked for an addiction and recovery program for 3 years. Needless to say and no matter what, I love you all!!!! No hard feelings coming on this end - just mushy, sappy love. Muah Muah Muah!!! ;) lol (((Hugs))) Michelle
Michelle,
Thanks for posting on here. I agree were food addicts......And need support.....Thank you for sharing how you feel too.......Amy's comparison was awesome.........And I'm glad you added to it.
I know how I've felt for sometime now and I need support not butt kickings. Some of us are more sensitive, so we need to be mindfull of how or what we say to people.
I hope we get more people to post on here, I really just want peace & support on our board.
Kelly
Amy,
As usual you write so wonderfully.......I felt I needed to share my thoughts because I continue to see a decline on here and I don't want that to happen. We all are going through this, and I just feel we all need to be there for one another.
Good note on the addict part.....I so agree......I don't smoke, drink or do drugs but I'm a food aholic. (sp?) I agree with everything you said and you said it well.......But as I said before I'm no Saint, so I need to work on what I say & do too.......
Kelly
Kelly,
Nice post...I hope that people will take your suggestions (and Amy's too) seriously. This board has strayed from what it was a year or more ago, and I would like to get back to more of that...like Amy said - successes, concerns, recipies, food results (which may be what someone else may have issues with as well), etc.
Let's just be considerate of each other and if someone asks for a butt kick, give it to them, but if they don't - be supportive of them with encouraging words.
309/295/154.6/150 = Highest/Surgery Date/Current/Goal
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