I never do this...
...and I'll probably regret it later...but... I am posting a 'venting' post....
Something you might not know about me... I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years now. And this week, I broke up with him.
We've basically been broken up for months... just living together as friends, but I decided to take the step and make it official and move on with my life. I broke up with him because there is nothing I can do to help his low self-worth and depression. I helped him get out of being an angry, violent person in the beginning and now, though the anger is gone, he has yet to deal with the self-hate, low self-worth, shame, etc., that was behind that anger. I wanted to help him but I know it's not my place.
The worst part is... I feel horrible for breaking up with someone that is so down on themselves, but I feel like I have to save myself and care for myself. If you haven't learned by now, I am a very positive person...always have been... and his attitude toward life has been such a heavy cloud on my life for years. I feel horrible sometimes for choosing the right thing for me, but I can see that staying together does not benefit me OR him. He has "checked out" of life emotionally and I have been trying to convince myself that I deserve better.
Anyway, just wanted to open up and talk about this new stage... it's one of the things in life that I am horrible at...ending a relationship. I will stay in relationships for years (last one was 6 years!) even though it's not working out. I guess I fear never finding someone...
Now I just need to get through the fact that I have to live with my ex until September. He is still a good friend but living apart will really help us start separate lives.
Fortunately, I have a guy friend who is my closest friend and he is always here for me through thick and thin. Thanks for reading, I appreciate it.
Sorry you are going through this and I hope you two remain friends. But you HAVE TO put yourself first -- if you don't, who will? And everyone deserves better than they think they should have -- yourself included!!!
And vent away sister!!! If someone doesn't like what you say -- they can always ignore it and move to the next post!!!
XXOO
Fitness is not about age or a size -- it's really about an attitude and life style!!!
Life is not measured by the number of breathes we take, but by the moments that take our breathe away~~
You have done your best for him........ now you need to focus on you to be sucsessful on this new part of your life. You cant be responsible for his actions or feelings ..... he needs to find that out now and you might have been holding him back abit from his own discovery.
Good luck
Start Weight - 263
Current Weight 135 and making it work for ME !
(deactivated member)
on 6/10/08 5:39 am - MN
on 6/10/08 5:39 am - MN
Good for you for finally living your life for you and not for anyone else. I began seeing someone earlier this year who turned out to be very similar to your ex. Very, very low self-esteem and severe clinical depression. I felt bad and VERY concerned about him for wanting to break up with him, but I was very upfront with him and told him that I wasn't the person that was able to help him through his depression and that he needed professional help - if only to get better/more medication. I had to think of taking care of me and not someone else first! You did the right thing Elena - you WILL thank yourself for this brave step eventually - YOU have to take care of yourself before you can take care of anyone else. Good luck!
I gree Elana you are doing what you have to do for yourself! I think it will be easir for you to be friends if you aren't living with him!! Depression is an ugly deamon we face and it is so easy to get caught up in others especially when we care about them!! Keep doing what you are doing and we are always here to listen!! I admire you because you always seem so positive and strong!!!
(((HUGS))) Amber
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