Statistics about marriage and WLS

Oooo, girl....relationships can be so sticky, eh? Support, love, and prayers your way to be sure. I don't have much advice because all I have to go on is your quick post. My first thought reading it though was "self-fulfilling prophecy". If both of you continue throughout this journey (and clearly you're on it together, even though it's your new pouchy) thinking, believing, and saying that WLS is going to change you, him, or both of you then in some way, shape, or form it is coming to fruition. Counseling sounds like a good plan for both of you. Remember too that you can't change him, only you....so if he won't go or if he does this or that or whatever, YOU can still make choices that support YOU regardless and independent of his choices. Here's a bubble-bath wish for you and some relaxing time to gather your thoughts! Sharon

Lisa ....I have no advice for you that hasn't already been said. I wish you the best on your move. I will keep you in my prayers sweetie!!   Hugs, connie d

No different advice either -- just sending my prayers to you.  Sorry you have to go through this. XXOO

Lisa,  I don't really have anything to add to what everyone else has said. The most important thing right now is to take care of you and then the kids.  Remember to be true to yourself.  My thoughts and prayers are with you during this difficult time. 

Thank you to all of you who posted your well wishes thoughts and prayers. I gave the counseling idea some thought yesterday and still feel that this is the right path for me at this time. We are not going to file for divorce, but will do a minimum of 6 months separation. My children are from a previous marriage, for those of you that asked they are Lauryn 16 , Taylor 13, Conner 8, and Gabi 6. The kids are all doing fine with this, unfortunatly they've been through a divorce already and know the drill. I should add that the first marriage was ended due to phyical abuse, not just cuz I couldn't hack it LOL. I've come to the realization that when Noah and I began seeing each other, that even though I'd told him repeatedly that I just wanted to be friends and not get serious, and even though I told him no the first 4 times he proposed that there was so much going on in my life that I just kind of had my focus elseware. I was dealing with many issues with my oldest daughter, where she was in and out of the hospital for several months. Then my mom got sick with her final round of cancer and I quit my job and moved to Jordan to care for her full time until she passed, then another round of emotional issues with the oldest, then the stress of planning our wedding out ofstate. I didn't finally calm down until last fall right befor my surgery. I'm starting to question if I was ever truly in love with him, and why the heck I ever got remarried when I swore I never would. Adding his issues with my WLS and irresponsibility with money and my children to that and it just isn't a good combination.  On a brighter note. I signed the lease to my new townhouse yesterday and took the kids to see it. They loved it and were asking when we could start moving. IM actually starting to move past being scared and getting excited for this next spot in my life. I really believe I'm going to be ok. Anyway I just wanted to say thank you for al the love and support I can always count on from you wonderful ppl.  You all have my love  Lisa

Lisa, Sorry to hear about everything going on in your relationship but just wanted to tell you that it sounds like you are doing the right thing.  If you are unhappy and your significant other is not changing you obvisously can't change him and the only thing you can do is what your doing and that is moving on with your life.   Maybe the separation will motivate him to change but if he doesn't he can keep on blaming the surgery meantime you will move on and continue to grow.   I've been with my husband since I was 18 and we have been married almost 9 years (no kids). We separated about 18 months ago but after 4 months of separation I came back mainly because of financial reasons.  After I came back that is when I made the decision to have WLS surgery.  I realized i was so unhappy and I was trying to blame everything on him.  Through counceling we have learned to communicate and not be so co-dependent with each other.  Things aren't perfect but I have to admit I'm glad I gave it a 2nd chance and things are going really well.  It sounds like you have a good handle on the situation and know what you want, Just hang in there!!

Kathy I wish you and your husband all the best and hope that things continue to go well for you. I realize marriage isn't always good... boy do I know that LOL but I'm also smart enough to know when it just isn't good period. Thank you for your good thoughts. Have a good one!

Lisa it sounds like he wore you down when you made it clear its not what you wanted. Good for you I say................... its time you had your own place... Im proud of you !!

Yes it is becoming more clear of that. Last night when I got home from work he just kept making comments like "in 6 months when you come back.... or this is over" I realized that it still isn't sinking in, or he's just not listening to me again. Either way I just kind of ignored it but decided that rather than planning to move the essentials (beds, clothes) at the end of next week, we will move those first and I"ll come back for the stuff in storage that I only use seasonally. The sooner I'm out from there the better. Thanks again!