help i am drowning in depression

it has been forever since i postedand i find myself completely ashamed because I am probably the only person alive who has manage to screw up this wonderful tool of Gastric bypass surgery... I had my surgery on Feb 11/08 and started at 372 lbs. I lost 19lbs prior to surgery and 3 months later I am still at 303lbs... i cannot believe how depresse I am feeling about this ... how could I screw it up so badly.. i wanted this to be the answer to help me get to a point in my life where i didnt want to commit suicide and i am right back there again.. I spent the last 3 months vomitting everything I ate.. protein drinks, yogurt, applesauce, jello... absolutely everything I ate .. i even stopped eating anything at all because i was so exhausted from throwing up ... some days i would eat less than 300 calories and i still have only managed to lose such a small amount of weight.. i give up .. what do i need to do to make this work for me... today i ate a bag of popcorn...large bag...  Help someone please help me because i am not sure what i am going to do... L

You've lost like 70 pounds, What's wrong with that? My surgery was 1-3-08 and I'm only down 78 pounds. Are you making yourself throw up? Or is it just happening? If it's just happening then maybe your not chewing enough, remember chew, chew, chew....... Another suggestion, get in your protein first. Have you talked to your Doctor or nurse about this? I would, maybe their could be something wrong medically...... If you want to talk further you can PM me......I will be as supportive as I can. Hang in there. Kelly

PM me anytime!!!!  You are not the only one who has managed to "screw up" your tool.  I am there with you.  I am on my 5th....anti depressant.  And I'm still not sure it is working.  PLEASE go see your PCP.  They will help you with meds.  But PM me and we can talk!

Hey Dear!  How frustrating for you! I am sorry you are having such troubles.  PLEASE go to the doctor and seek out the help you need mentally and perhaps medically.  Second I would highly suggest seeking a therapist.  Third, I don't think you have screwed it up!  You are doing well!  70lbs since Feb is great!  Also, you stated that you only sometimes got in 300 calories, well, if your body is "feeling starved" it will hold on to all it has.  You also stated throwing everything up, THAT is something that I would seek your surgeon out(better safe then sorry)!  Please make a doctor appointment! Keep us posted! HUGS! 

70 lbs in just over 3 months is fantastic! I don't think that is screwing anything up. When have you ever lost that much in such a short time?I was told that an average of 10 lbs per month is not unusual. Definately get to your doc to help with the vomiting. Good luck and please take care :)

You might have a stricture - please see your doctor as you don't deserve to be going through this if that's all it is. They can fix a stricture. Please don't not go to the Dr because you're punishing yourself for something that you didn't even do.  Are you taking your meds or can you not keep them down either? You need to contact your PCP and your surgeon immediately and let them know what's going on. They don't know if you don't tell them. Most of us know what depression is like and we can sympathize, and might be able to help. Please keep reaching out for help, as you're worth every bit of it. Farrah

YOU HAVE NOT SCREWED ANYTHING UP!!!!  

I really do hope you follow everyones advise here! You are really doing a good job with losing what you have so far. But Sandie is right, if your body is not getting its nutrients, it will try to hold on to as much fat as it can if it feels it is being starved.

Hang in there, Look back to all the hard work it took you to get where you are now. You made the decision to have this surgery because you want to live. If you didn't want to live you would never have pursued and fought to have the surgery!

Please let us know how you are doing, and please please please call your doctor and get some medical help. You may hve something like a stricture like Farrah said. Those casn usually be taken care of easily from what I understand.

I will keep you in my prayers and hope to see that you are feeling better soon!

Sending warm hugs to you (((HUGS))))

CarolN

have your vitamin levels checked too - a vit D and B12 deficiency can cause depression-like symptoms - but I agree with everyone else - you are doing amazing with your loss.   Please talk to your doc.

You have received wonderful advice from all the above posters....I would just like to say DITTO!!!  I agree you have done a fabulous job losing - 70lbs in 3 months is amazing!  Not being able to eat is bad - call your doctor and get in to make sure you don't have something wrong.  If you have a stricture they can take care of it in the office and you will have almost immediate relief.  Get on an antidepressant - I take one.  I take Wellbutrin.  Please, please, please follow everyone's advice.  You are worth it!  You are loved!!  You are cared about!!! Hugs, Debi

you have received some really good advice here...and you are doing GREAT with your weight loss.  You really need to get in touch with your surgeon or PCP at the very least.  What you are dealing with isn't normal....make sure you are getting plenty of water or ask for IV fluids... I am a big believer in talk therapy so for what it's worth, I hope you are able to find a doctor to treat your depression because as many people find out surgery isn't the answer to life's problems.  Even when everything is 100% perfect those issues are still there, whatever they might be, festering in the background ready to explode. best wishes.