OT-Mental Health stuff--kinda scary

Last night I caught myself going down a very slippery slope to a place I have vowed never to let myself go again.  As some of you know I have struggled with some pretty severe mental health issues in the past and am just coming up on my 1 year anniversary of no hospitalizations (this will be a day to celebrate for me).  Well, to get to the point last night for some unknown reason I found myself watching videos on SI (self injury) and could feel my mind starting to go to that place I used to live in.  One of the things I worried about pre-op was that I might go back to my SI behaviors when I couldn't turn to food anymore.  So far I have not, mostly because I finally have all of my symptoms under control.  I do not know what caused me to even go to those videos, but I know that I absolutely can not read/watch anything related to SI because it is still really triggering.  I prayed last night that the Lord would keep me from returning to that life.  I just really hope that this wasn't a sign of me falling back into my symptoms I have come so far I do not want to go back.

Nicole,    I'm going to PM you my phone number. If you ever need to talk, call me.    You have come so far and done so well. I hope you feel you can turn to us if you need to. I don't want you to go back to SI either.    Something must of triggered you to watch the movie. Did anything happen yesterday?    Just know were here for you. I care.....Call anytime. Love & Hugs, Kelly

Thank you Kelly!  The only thing really different yesterday was that I didn't exercise I took a rest day other than that I can't really think of anything the thought of my past behavior just popped up in my mind and I started looking stuff up online.  I do feel safe here and I knew I had to get this out to someone who wouldn't judge me (and to tell my family would scare them to death).  I have made a promise to myself not to let myself go back there and I am going to do everything within my power to keep that promise.

Nicole, My heart goes out to you in this hard time. You are in my prayers. We're here for you. Please seek out the help you need to get through this. (((HUGS)))

Thank you Sandy.  I think I may look for a therapist if these thoughts hang around for more than a day or two.

Nicole, It's so good that you came here and admitted this...that's a great step towards healing yourself of these old behaviors.  I will keep you in my prayers for continued progress and healing.

Thank you!  A year ago I would have held tight to this secret so I know that I have made progress and I hold onto that hope that I will be able to continue to seperate myself from this even more.

just wanted you to know - we are all here for you!!!

I hope today is a better day for you!

 

 

Thank you!  So far today seems to be going pretty well.  I am just trying to keep my mind occupied with other things.

Nicole....you are in my prayers...I just said a special one now. You are doing great...one year and no SI....don't give in to it sweetie. Congrats on making it one year!!! PM me anytime!! Hugs, connie d