Negative people

So, I told my mother-in-law yesterday that I was scheduled for surgery and she had the nerve to ask me if I was sure that's what I wanted, had I done research, do I know what it involves?  HELLO, not just going to walk in to the doctor and say....can you please cut me up? I knew she wouldn't understand but I just wanted a different outcome, like more support and encouragement.  She had to go right into" well Mike lost a lot of weight by dieting and walking"...Good for Mike.  I'm not about losing weight I'm about being healthier.  I hope I don't encounter many more people like that but I'm sure I will.  I guess I just decide not to tell everyone. Thanks for listening. Robyn

Yea,  I received that kind of feed back and I haven't scheduled for surgery yet.  I had a aunt who has had the surgery.  For 4 1/2 years, I have been back and for with it.  Trying to get healthy on my own.  She was really telling me to look into it and I should use the surgeon she had.   Now, I have made that decision to take the step, realizing I can't do it on my own.   She has now gained her weight back and she is telling me I should think about it first and am I really sure.  I need to learn certain things now.  HELLO!  you first was the perfect commercial for this and now you are changing your tune.   Well, she was not successful with hers, there is things she did not want to give up.  I had to tell her I also learned from her mistakes.   I'll tell you this.  Stay encourage, this is something they mention in the information sessions, that you will face.   You know you best.  And you working towards and healthier you.   When people speak negative, smile and tell them its ok you have fear.  We all face fear, when faced with the unknown.  Don't let them see, their words are bothering you.  That gives them more fuel.   Stay encourage and sstay DIVAFIED.  Smooches!

Hi Robyn- Sorry to hear your mother in law was negative yesterday.  It's going to happen.  People just don't understand.  I hope you explained that you had researched, had tried this or that in the past and that just doesn't work for you.  In my case, I couldn't excercise....my bones wouldn't allow it with all that weight on them.  I had tried doctor supervised diets and they just didn't work.  It's the way my body works in absorbing EVERYTHING I put in it.  This surgery was the only way for me.   I had a co-worker say to me..."Oh, I could never do that."  I looked back at her and said, "Of course not, you're not heavy.  Now, go home tonight and have your husband get on your back and carry him around for awhile.  Go up a flight of steps with him on your back.  That's what I'm living with.  Then tell me you wouldn't do it."  She was very supportive after that.   I treat naive, negative people as my opportunity to teach others about the surgery and what a God send it can be.  I'm not sure if you saw the post from yesterday, but there was a piece on 60 Minutes about Gastric Bypass.  They can see it online...might want to give your mother in law the link to watch it.  It was a really good piece. Just know that you are doing this for YOU, not your mother in law, so it really doesn't matter what she thinks, right?! Take care!

Hi there sweetie ya know people re-act in many different ways.  Some people just don't realize how they sound or how they are.  You have all of us here for support.  Parents even in-laws sometimes say or do stuff to react and it isn't always nice or supportive..... (WHEN WILL THEY LEARN).....  Hang in there honey and you do whats right for you and just remember you have us if you need anything.......Take care sweets..... Hugs Marsha

That's the exact reason I did not tell my MIL when I was going to have surgery. Any comments would have been made out of concern and love, but nothing was going to change my mind and I did not want or need any negatives. Three years later--and 120 lbs lighter--she's glad I had WLS. But you can come top us and vent or whatever! Have a good Monday!

Thanks everyone.  I knew you would understand.  Robyn

Hang in there Robyn....your mom is probably just not well informed about WLS. She is just scared for you. I am sure she has heard alot of negative about it. The more info you can give her the better she will understand.....hopefully!  We are all here to support you in anyway we can. Good luck! Hugs, connie d

(((Robyn))) Sorry your MIL gave you a hard time.  She may come around and maybe it's just being uneducated about the topic that makes her say such things. I was going to suggest what Pam said about sending her the video from 60 minutes.  That is a very powerful message about the positives of WLS.  I even showed a couple of my coworkers and they were pretty impressed. Hang in there, don't let it get you down because it's not worth it1 Michelle

I went through this with my SIL.  And what I learned from it -  A) I was feeling pretty defensive to begin with.  We anticipate people having a negative reaction, so when it happens, we're ticked, we're defensive, and it leaves a bad taste in our mouths for that person.  For a while anyway.   B) Obviously, I don't know the first thing about you or your relationship with your MIL, but if keeping the peace would be preferable, try to look at her comments as showing concern for you.  Maybe your history with her tells you otherwise, but if at ALL possible, look at it this way - your MIL hasn't has time to think about and digest your news.  Her first reaction, fear, is fairly understandable.  She probably doesn't understand the surgery as well as you  do, having researched it, going through assessments and all.  She probably doesn't realize that you've reached the point where this feels like your last real opportunity to do something about your weight, your health.  Just give her time to let it sink in.  Be prepared to share your knowlege, your pre-op experience, your hopes and desires for this.   And if her attitude remains negative?  SO WHAT?!  You aren't doing this for her.  You are doing this for YOU.  And once you're on the post-op side and she sees how it changes you, well, she'll either become a cheer leader, or she'll be forever negative.  That's HER choice.  You've made YOURS!  Decide to be happy for yourself, and do the best you can to let go of the negativity!

Robyn, Think of this surgery just like picking out a baby name. EVERYONE has an opinion. If you tell people what names you are thinking of, then they will tell you their opinion. Whether they like the names or not, other names you should think about etc...  But if you show them a baby and say this is _____. All they can do is tell you how they like the name. Same with surgery. Everyone has an opinion. But after you have it, people are more open and usually just have questions about it. I'm not shy about it, I tell people all the time. I'm SO happy I did it and nothing they can say or think will change that.