spouses

Too much computer time on ANYTHING can be trouble.  It makes the other person feel left out.  My husband is a computer game freak.  There are times I feel lonely and left out because he can sit there FOREVER and play games.  We usually work it out, he'll play when I'm out shopping or only on a night where the TV is so-so for him etc.  But - we had to work it out. It doesn't matter if it's OH, or gaming, or porn (god forbid!)  you have to find a balance - and keep it real for the real world as well.  Life goes on for everyone no matter if we had surgery or not.  OH is great for support and building friendships, but we have to make sure it isn't all me, me, me. Just my old-timer opinion from someone who has gone through the WOWs and ups and downs, with the same spouse and still happily married....

I know where you are coming from, Marsha.  My husband says he is sick of hearing how well I'm doing yet wants me to tell him how I'm doing.  I think it was more of an adjustment for him than me.  Its a fine line.  I'm going to check out the book, too. We are going to do date night once a month from now on.  Get out of the house, do something fun, just the two of us.  Of course it is easier for us since we have older kids.  But I think getting away from the tv, the computer, the Wii, the kids, and just reconnecting is what we all need.

Lets not forget that this crummy weather has everyone down.  So that might be part of it, too. 

 

ka

Marsha, my hubby has expressed similar concerns.  I just tell him that this family can NOT replace my husband and children - but that you can all relate to issues I've lived in ways that he never could, and it reassures me that I AM normal.  (hush, Amy...)  I love him in a way that many other women can't relate to - he loved me MO, and he loves me now, and I have eternal love and gratitude for him for that.  But I need both his love and the love of my OH family to make it through this journey!  He is very supportive, he knows I'm way more into doing stuff than he is, but sometimes it does get him down.  So I have pulled back off here just a smidge (hard to tell, I know...).  But he WANTS me to go to my coffee get togethers, he WANTS me to take the drive up to North Branch one of these weekends to meet you NE peeps, he's GLAD I have you all!  It's just going to take time for him and I to BOTH adjust.   So, just reassure your DH that you love him with all your heart, you are grateful that he has loved you unconditionally, and that you hope he can understand your need to share this journey with others who can relate to it!  It won't diminish what you feel for him, but it will help you figure out how you feel about YOU!

My hubby doesnt complain, but then I am not on much when he is home because I have been off work.  But we did have an argument last week, and he was mad and said you are going to be just like your friend _______, you have your surgery, loose weight, and then you will leave me.  I said how dare you, I never cheated on you before, why would I start now.  I think we will read that book too! You're in my prayers, bring him to the sight, show him your stuff and great new pic!

And sometimes I think you have to handle them with kid gloves and stroke their ego a little by giving them compliments too, some wont admit it, but they love the compliments just as much as we do!! Good Luck...and I am heading out to check out that book too, thanks!

Marsha,  I feel your pain, as we, too, have had simialr conversations, not just hubby, but the kids as well. I am still the same person, just the package looks different. They are starting to understand that. My hubby is now seriously considering WLS and has been reading Weight Loss Surgery for Dummies, Wow has his whole outlook changed!! I think the hardest thing for all of them has been me not standing in the backround anymore, but others putting me at the center of attention, and I admit it, I kinda like it! They have always been the center of my world, and have had to learn to adjust to ME being the center of my world. Its takes a lot of energy, and time to do the things "we" need to do, the way we eat, vitamins, exercise, and our wonderful friends here at OH. Its will be an adjustment for a long time, and I will hope that it gets easier, for them, and us, as time goes by.  And, I am definatly going to get the book Amy recommended, it can only help! I for one, do not know what I would have done, or would do in the future with out all the wit and wisdom I receive from the wonderful people here.

Hello my dear friend Marsha......I am not married (any longer) so I can't totally relate to your issues. I just hope and pray all works out for you and your hubby and all the rest of the couples out there struggling with this right now. Now jealous friends...I could have alot to say on that topic! Love the new avatar.....you are so beautiful!! Love and hugs.....connie d

How about introducing him to the Friends and Family or Spouses boards out here - I'm sure that there are lots of spouses out there that are having the same issues.  Maybe he could "bond" with other spouses out there like we have in our group.   I don't know - just an idea?

The book the five love languages is awesome.  It may not be the solution to what is going on, but by reading the book, doing the quizzes it will start a dialogue between you and your husband. Just the fact you two would be talking more is a positive and is a good place to start.